Stevens quotes from Law & Order: Criminal Intent

Stevens

David, you're going to jail. Would you like it to be for a long time, or a very long time?

Goren

We arrested his girlfriend.

Stevens

She probably has the money. Women like money.

Goren

So do men.

Stevens

That's because women like men with money.

Stevens

You don't spend much time online.

Only work-related.

Stevens

No kids to help with their homework.

Fortunately... for their sake.

I have proven that selfless behavior is a myth. None of us has a choice.

[to Stevens] Tell him about his choices.

Stevens

[handcuffing Hazard] You may choose to remain silent.

I'm gonna go with the statistics and say that if this wasn't a robbery it was probably family.

Stevens

I doubt it was the wife. The guy topped 200 pounds. He was an athlete. Plus, he had facial bruises consistent with an actual brawl.

Also, there seems to be no indication that she gained from his death financially.

It's a marriage. Maybe she just got sick of him. [leaves]

What goes on in her house?

Stevens

Did he still owe you money?

To misquote our former president, it depends on what your definition of "owe" is.

My father read Inset. I remember there was this picture of Ursula Andress. She had a brassiere that shot bullets.

Stevens

[wryly] Your father read it?

It was, uh, shared. We fought over the crossword puzzles.

Stevens

You should have been a shrink, like your father wanted.

Serena, I don't care about complaining husbands and cheating wives, and treating people with nervous acne. But I am driven to understand why some people are so different they disrupt our sense of all behavior and logic.

Stevens

[examining a body] Her panties are probably down.

So, raped, but then he dressed her again.

Stevens

Modest. The righteous are always the worst.

We would be remiss in our professional obligations if we didn't mention a plea.

A plea?

Stevens

We have evidence, witness testimony, all that's needed for a murder conviction. If you allocute, avoid a trial, it saves the state a lot of money.

You might do better than life in SuperMax.

I want a trial.

Stevens

Still desperate.

Your act means that much to you, huh?

It's not an act. That I am eternal means I have nothing to fear.

Well, I think you might be wrong about that, Jonathon. Locked in an 8 by 10 cell, no human contact, no hope of parole. And there you'll sit... being eternal.

We need to know what Rick knew and when he knew it.

Stevens

That creates a problem for me. I led Angela to believe we wouldn't contact him.

Our investigation outweighs her concerns.

Stevens

And mine? I sort of gave my word.

First of all, you don't cheat. And if you do, don't trust a cop.

Is it so wrong to want a child to honor the Castilla-Caldera name?

Stevens

The crime isn't wanting a son. The crime is lying and killing to get one.

Was it just me, or was there something creepy about that guy?

Stevens

You mean, "chop up a woman" creepy?