Lt. Theo Kojak quotes from Kojak

Lt. Theo Kojak

What's the point? Where would you go? If the subway went to Outer Mongolia, I'd still come after you.

Lt. Theo Kojak

Make it one for the hospital... and one for the morgue.

Lt. Theo Kojak

Come on, hug the wall like it's your mother.

Lt. Theo Kojak

It'll be morning in an hour. Before that, one of you is gonna start chirping. Did I say one of you? I'm gonna have a room full of canaries.

Lt. Theo Kojak

[to Crocker] Hey look, I know you haven't slept in a couple of nights, okay, but you stick with it. We gotta get this jellybean off the streets before he empties them.

Lt. Theo Kojak

[the Excalibur killer has been caught, but Kojak thinks he's a phony] Oh, you didn't see him, Mac. He looked like yesterday's newspaper puy in a garbage can and thrown away. The only way a guy like that can get into a singles bar is with a cannon.

Lt. Theo Kojak

[to Geno] Well, you and Tom Donnelly have been partners for 12 years. I mean he'd eat a knish and you'd get heartburn.

Lt. Theo Kojak

Now you listen good, yo-yo. Because I'm gonna tell you something for every cop that's ever had to live under a threat from a punk like you. You know, maybe sometime when you're an old man, you'll be thinking about getting out. Ah, don't think anything about getting even. I want you to think about me. Because, if by some remote possibility you get out, there's gonna be a little 150-year old man waiting for you. And that little old man will be me.

Lt. Theo Kojak

[to Gloria] You stop talking to me like a john or I'll take my lollipop away.

Lt. Theo Kojak

And as for you, sonny, you go back to the Okefenokees and the alligators. You're not ready for the big time. I deal with Janis or I don't deal.

Lt. Theo Kojak

I'd go through the hell and pain of the last 19 years twice a day to nail a crud like Janis!

Lt. Theo Kojak

[chuckles] When I was a kid on the East Side, we used to go fishing in the East river to see who could catch the ugliest thing. Look at me, I got first prize. I got me a dead East Side gorilla.

Lt. Theo Kojak

You know Chubby, he's a dynamite talker. He could sell aluminium siding to a steel foundry.

Lt. Theo Kojak

[on phone] Is that a fact, Officer Berkowitz? Aha. Yeah, well, Officer Berkowitz, by all means, drop it by. No, no, no, no, I wanna sign for this little package myself. And what was that name again, Officer Berkowitz? Aha, got it. And, eh, thank you, Officer Berkowitz. Hm-hm. [hangs up] Who whould a - That was Officer Berkowitz.

Lt. Theo Kojak

[to Delta] And besides, with that lavender nightgown I saw you buy last week, you don't need an education, you need protection.