Capt. Frank McNeil quotes from Kojak

Capt. Frank McNeil

[about Caz] Okay, so now he's saying: he's smarter than you specifically. My own kid says it to me, flat out, right to my face. They want you to fight back, they seem to want that authority.

Lt. Theo Kojak

[holding a photograph of Leona and a man hiding behind a menu] Look at the john. He's being so bashful. I wonder why? Terminal acne, maybe?

Capt. Frank McNeil

[takes the photograph] Well, married men are sometimes camera-shy, have you noticed?

Lt. Theo Kojak

Frequently. Can you make out the name on the menu?

Capt. Frank McNeil

No, but then I can't even read the top line on an eye chart anymore.

Lt. Theo Kojak

Tell me about it.

Lt. Theo Kojak

You know, any man that can put so much violence and sex into a piece of stone, he doesn't have to violate flesh. He gets his kicks with his hammer and chisel.

Capt. Frank McNeil

The Commissioner's gonna violate you with a hammer and chisel if we don't tie a can on this.

Capt. Frank McNeil

When I was in school my grandmother died six times; always during the World Series.

Lt. Theo Kojak

Oh yeah? We all had the same grandmother.

Lt. Theo Kojak

I give you this week's mystery map. You solve the riddle, you win a two-week trip to, eh, well, where do you wanna go?

Capt. Frank McNeil

Home!

Lt. Theo Kojak

Hm-hm. Why do I always yawn on Saturdays?

Capt. Frank McNeil

Where do you get the 14-carat chutzpah to talk to an elected official like that, and in front of a dozen witnesses?

Lt. Theo Kojak

Hey look, Mac, uh, I'm onto something...

Capt. Frank McNeil

Oh, you're onto something? You'll be into men's ready-wear if Murchison has his way.

Lt. Theo Kojak

Look, a stick-up man is a stick-up man. A robber is a robber, and a hijacker is a hijacker. That's what they do: the rob, they steal and they hijack. They don't peddle morphine on the streets!

Capt. Frank McNeil

Maybe they sold the whole load, split. Maybe the idea of sending in a chemist spooked them.

Lt. Theo Kojak

And maybe they give away door prizes at the tombs.

Capt. Frank McNeil

And what the hell, might I ask, are you doing here?

Lt. Theo Kojak

C'mon, will ya Frank. You think I'd be here if the police surgeon didn't think I was all right?

Capt. Frank McNeil

You were shot, Theo.

Lt. Theo Kojak

[chuckles] My hero. C'mon, I've hurt myself worse opening a can of soup.