Lt. Theo Kojak quotes from Kojak

Lt. Theo Kojak

[chuckles] You're trying to convince me that the story you're telling is not a beautifully engraved $3 bill.

Lt. Theo Kojak

[apprehends thief] Shut off your motor. Haven't you heard of the energy crisis?

Lt. Theo Kojak

The killer's got a 20-minute head start on us. How many homicides do you need? And you wanna wait for Forensic?

Lt. Theo Kojak

Hey, does Ginger Rogers fall over Fred Astaire's feet, huh? These two twinkle-toes could get up on the Goodyear Blimp in flight, get down without mussing any hair.

Lt. Theo Kojak

Neil Packman. He's a machine, Crocker. You put the money in the slot, out comes the bodies. Cops, racketeers, husbands, wives, kids, he'll kill anything.

Lt. Theo Kojak

[hands Crocker a used lollipop] Here, put this out some place.

Lt. Theo Kojak

And then it's gonna be happily ever after, you know, 'once upon a time' like the fairy tales.

Lt. Theo Kojak

In the alley you couldn't see anything. And the alley was so dark you couldn't find your mouth with a $5 pizza.

Lt. Theo Kojak

Hey look, kid, I'm gonna talk to you like a father. [laughs] And I never even put my arms around your mother.

Lt. Theo Kojak

You tell these G-men that they're obstructing justice and I want DeLuca down here! Otherwise, I'll bust these Feds for their funny haircuts!

Lt. Theo Kojak

Yeah, mojo, morphine, Mephistopheles, pins and needles, eeh... cubes, Aunt Emma. There are a dozen street names for it.

Lt. Theo Kojak

Well don't give me that fishy look, Doctor. You just got a nicer job than we do!

Lt. Theo Kojak

The first police department was opened to protect women and here it is 25,000 years later and we can't even do that.

Lt. Theo Kojak

Mr. Conforti, you killing John Campbell is not going to put 'Home Sweet Home' back on the wall, you know that, don't you? And doesn't Janet have enough already to forget?

Lt. Theo Kojak

What can I tell you? I mean, nobody says the law is perfect, but it beats whatever the hell's in second place.