Spenny (singing): Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all...
S4 E8First Guy to Stop Singing Loses
(he walks into his room to find Kenny standing on his bed in his underwear)
ONE, TWO, FUCK YOU!
(Intro consisting of four bars of screaming)
(Verse 1)
Spencer Rice is a fuckin' fuck
Spencer Rice is a fuckin' fuck
Spencer Rice is a fuckin' fuck
Let's kick him in the face!
(Verse 2)
Spencer Rice he can eat my ass
Spencer Rice he can eat my ass
Spencer Rice he can eat my ass
He is my toilet!
(Verse 3, not always shown)
Spencer likes to diddle boys (shown on-screen as "Spencer diddles little boys")
Spencer diddles little boys
Spencer diddles little boys
'Cause I fucked his mom!
(Verse 4)
Spencer is Hitler's son
Spencer is Hitler's son
Spencer is Hitler's son
Kenny is the best!
Kenny's synagogue choir (singing): Shabbat shalom, hey!
Shabbat shalom, hey!
Shabbat, shabbat, shabbat, shabbat shalom!
Note: In the Hebrew language, the phrase "Shabbat shalom" literally means "Have a peaceful sabbath day." The on-screen subtitles, which are not always shown, give a joke translation: "We killed Jesus." This was likely inserted at Kenny's direction.
S4 E10Who Can Commit the Most Crime?
I'm going to commit so many crimes that it's going to make Al Capone look like Mother Teresa.
[crime: aggressive driving] Get out of the goddamn way, you motherfucker! You fucking asshole! I'm going to fucking kill you, motherfucker!
Do you want to catch king criminal? You can't even touch me, coppers! I've been doing a whole bunch of crimes, but now I want to rape a man. Let's do some man rape! Where's Spenny?
S5 E2Who Can Bone More Women?
My dick is four inches.
GGirls
Oh. What?
But that's okay. Some girls like it that thick
S5 E3Who Can Wear a Gorilla Suit the Longest?
Right before we started, Spenny was like, "Hey, it's Danny Glover vs. Morgan Freeman", and I was like, "You racist piece of shit".
No, no. I can't believe you say stuff like that.
The sad thing is, that the uh, the Mountain Gorilla is actually a critically endangered species. And that's not just endangered, that's critically endangered. Uncontrolled hunting--that's the poaching, war by human beings actually, uh, hurt them, and the destruction of their natural habitat. It's hard for me to say this without getting emotional but there's 700... 700 left in the world. That's it.
That's not true. There's not just 700. They just found like, 125,000 gorillas in the Congo.
When?
Were you on the internet at all, looking up gorillas?
I'm sure Spenny is downstairs talking about the gorilla and the plight of the gorilla. Well, fuck the fucking gorilla. I am a human being and it is our mission to destroy all other species. So if you see a gorilla, you know what you fucking do? You take a fucking axe and chop its head off, and sell its paws as ashtrays.
[Kenny walks into Spenny's room]
Great, more gorilla rape. Yay!
In every gorilla pack, there's an alpha gorilla. And then there's alpha gorilla's bitch.
He doesn't know the basics. Gorillas don't get violent unless their families are threatened.
Yeah? Yeah?!
That's the truth.
[Kenny punches Spenny in the face, Spenny fights back]
You wanna go gorilla style?!
[Kenny and Spenny start beating their chests, making grunting noises]
What the fuck are we doing? This has nothing to do with anything.
I'm 100% Gorilla. Gorilla's don't shave, everybody knows that.
[Jamie in gorilla costume acting like a gorilla offering bananas to Spenny]
You are a fucking retard.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Kenny vs. Spenny pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.