Kappa Mikey · Season 1
[in girl's voice] Please let him go!
[in William Shatner voice] You'll... have to... kill me first.
[in girl's voice] You mean like this?
[Gonard fights himself]
Gonard, what are you doing? You're already on the show.
Oh... right. [embarrassed chuckle]
This is terrible. All these actors stink.
That last guy was good.
That was you!
Yeah, it's Guano's show. Fire him, not the rest of us.
You're gonna find somebody else who can write and direct a new episode every week? Not to mention memorize all my character's lines?
All your character says is "Guano!"
That's what makes it a challenging role!
[After a TV fight with Lily]
What's her deal?
You should really be more careful, Mikey.
[Mikey grieves]
[Mikey calls from his home, and his parents answer the phone]
Hi, you've reached the Simon residence. If your message is for Ms. Simon, press 1.
And if it's for me, Mr. Simon, press 2.
And if you're our only child in Japan and you're calling 'cause you're all alone in a big empty room and you miss the comforting sound of another human voice, stay on the line as we read from a list of words chosen at random from the dictionary.
"Vernacular."
"Flibbertigibbet."
"Mortgage."
"Pedal."
"Disenfranchise."
[Mikey hangs up]
Ozu, Mikey is like the messiest, most inconsiderate human being ever!
He is a star that shines too bright!
She's the inconsiderate one. She's always nagging me like "Mike-ay, don't eat meals in the shower," "Mikey, don't feed the plants people food."
He's the worst roommate!
She's the worst roommate!
I just keep that diary as a joke.
You didn't destroy Ozu's bonsai tree with a samurai sword, did you?
Uhhh... kinda.
Mikey, Ozu's gonna kill you!
He'll send you back to America!
He'll cancel the show!
I'll never walk on the moon!
[Mitsuki, Gonard, and Guano all give confused looks to Mikey]
What? It's been on my mind.
Stupid boss awards! Stupid party! Stupid Mikey with his stupid bonsai tree and his stupid diagram of Ozu's apartment! [pauses] Mikey! He's trying to switch Ozu's bonsai tree! When I tell Ozu, Mikey's finished! [laughs evilly]
When I will get the game I will be like [does game stuff , and then suddenly he bumps into a fake Mikey]
Sorry 'bout that!
No worries, my man.
[each Mikey walks away and look to each other, and the fake Mikey goes to Mitsuki, Lily and Guano]
There you are Mikey!
Oh? Oh yeah Here I am! Mikey Simon.
Why are you wearing sunglasses?
Because your beauty is blinding. [Lily likes what he said, and Mitsuki gets a bit angry]
Say , how bout some ice cream? I know this jord next door .. if you're interested?
You don't want the new video game?
Video games are for kids!
[Lily and Mitsuki are shocked]
Now who want ice creams shaped in clowns?
I do! [raises hand]
Not this time pal. And shine your shoes kid, you look like a mess. [walks away]
I .. don't even have shoes'
Who could leave such horrible rumors in the paper?
Who indeed
Mitsuki was with Lily the whole time
Indeed.
Yes Man and Ozu never left the studio.
Indeed.
And I was teaching you to speak with a british accent
[In a british accent] Rather.
That leaves only 1 person...
[drum roll]
Gonard.
What?! You did it?
No.
Be honest, Mitsuki. Did I lose my endorsement to Socky because I'm not beautiful anymore?
That's crazy! You look great! Doesn't she, Mirror?
Looking great, Gonard.
Ozu, do you think Mikey stole the coat?
If Mikey says he didn't take the coat, I believe him.
But didn't Mikey destroy your precious 500 year old bonsai tree, then lie about it?
Yes! [voice building with anger]
And did he buy a pirated video game when you told him not to?
Yes! [saying very angrily]
And didn't he reveal Lilymu's secrets to the press?
Yes! [saying with fury as he catches on fire]
That was a good one.
Let the records show that Ozu is surrounded by flame.
[Yes Man douses Ozu with an extinguisher]
[it has been proven that Mikey was framed, but the police finds him in Lilymu Towers. The gang are all in Gonard's apartment
Friends stick together. [outside to the police] Mikey's with us! If you arrest him, you have to arrest all of us!
Fine. You're all under arrest.
[Mikey, Lily, Mitsuki and Guano slap their foreheads in disbelief]
You'll have to come and get us!
Fine. We'll come and get you.
[Mikey, Lily, Mitsuki and Guana slap their foreheads in disbelief]
Take the elevator! From my experience, it's faster!
Fine. We'll take the elevator.
[Mikey, Lily, Mitsuki and Guana slap their foreheads in disbelief]
[referring to Lily] What makes you think she would choose you?
[talking while eating spaghetti] Because I am a gentleman!
Excuse me, that's mine.
And it is delicious!
I think I broke one of my livers.
You only have one liver.
How many do I need to live?
One.
I'm in trouble.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Kappa Mikey pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
