I can't believe you're going to miss our school's basketball championship. Where is your school spirit?
(he stands up cheering with one arm and Kevin looks at him annoyed then Nick sits back down) That was it.
Joe, are you almost ready? (Joe goes upstairs) Stella's gonna be here any minute. I have to be there early before the pep rally.
My cold's gotten worst. I don't wanna disappoint Stella again. (Tom enters the bedroom) She was really hurt last time.
Tom: Hey, Joe, I heard you have a cold, and you're going out to some basketball game tonight? This doctor prescribes a little no way, Jose.
You're singing "Great Morning USA" tomorrow morning. Millions of TVs are gonna be tuning in to JONAS.
Oh, now, I get it. (Nick shakes his head)
Don't make me sic mom on you. You don't want her coming at you with grandma's thermometer.(he leaves the bedroom and Stella enters)
Hey! So what do you think? (shows Joe the outfit) Just something I threw on, in, like, six hours
Stella, I can't go. I'm sick.
No, Joe, you're wrong. You're more than sick. You're about to be dead.
Look, Joe, if you don't wanna hang out with me anymore. Totally that's fine. I'll still be your stylist. I just wish, you wouldn't feed me, with one excuse one after another, you know? Just have some respect for me. (she leaves upset)
Do you want me to draw some more smiley faces?
Stella's more mad at me than ever. Will somebody please tell me what to do? Kevin. Forget it. Nick?
Never mind. Kevin. Wait, Nick's right. I should take Stella to the game. Thanks, Nick.
But I knew what you were thinking. You and me.
Joe, if you sing bad tomorrow, it'll look the band look bad. Plus, you can't disobey dad like that just because you hurt somebody's feelings.
It's not someone. It's Stella. (he goes to the pole)
Why'd you give him that idea?
Well, yeah. All I said was... So technically, you're more to blame.
All I said was "well." (he closes the book and storms off)
(he slides down the middle pole and runs to her) Stella. Stella, wait.
I'm sorry. Do you still wanna go to the game with me?
Sick. What gave you that idea? (he sneezes) I always sneeze before the big games. It's good luck.
But in a cute way, right?
Barely. Come on, let's go.
Go, praying mantises! (he coughs)
I'm fine. I'm fine. Kick their butt-- (he continues to cough)
Mm-hmm. He said kick their butts! (tells the crowd)
Hi, guys. Can me and Nick steal these seats?
Hey, Macy. That's not Nick. That's Randolph dressed as Nick.
I meant Nick like nickname Nick. Come on, Nick. Let's go get some nachos. (they leave)
Hey, I'm really glad we're doing this. (Joe coughs) It was weird there for a while. It was like you were trying to avoid me.
Avoid you? How could I avoid you? I mean, we go to school together. We work together. (he still coughs) That was awesome. Did you see that?
I know. I just-- Still you were making it pretty impossible to keep a date
This is not one of those.
One of what? (a basketball swishes then Stella and Joe are cheering) You mean a date?
Nothing. I'm just trying to protect an important friendship.
We're not on one of those things that people go on--those things.
You mean like a date? A date.
Joe, you are being ridiculous. I mean, it's like you have a problem with us dat--
Yeah, I know. I realize that. I'm just saying it seems you'd have a problem with it if we were, which we are not. Right. If being alone with me is so traumatic for you, don't worry about it because it's never gonna happen again. (she leaves the game)
Stella, Stella, wait. Stell- (coughs)
Thought I'd listen to Kevin's advice, and have a little more school spirit. The only reason I don't come to these games because I never meet anyone like myself.
Nachos? (he offers Nick nachos and Macy is fixing the wig)
I'll see you at home. (he leaves)
Why does romance have to be so hard? (she puts her head on Macy's shoulder)
Aw! Well, excuse me. I have no idea what you're talking about? My love is a touch of rockin' with a touch of rollin'
I'm sorry. It's just not gonna work between us. Here's your Nick outfit, your Nick hat, and your Nick instruction manual you left for me. If you see me in class, just call me Randolph or Randy or Edgar really anything but Nick. (he walks away)
Aw, Mace. I'm sorry.(she hugs Macy)
(sighs) It's for the best. I just can't being seen with someone who isn't comfortable being himself.
(he stops walking then he puts his arms on both sides to stop Joe and Nick from walking)Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?
That walking this way looks really cool but makes us late for class?
Auditions tomorrow for "The Three Musketeers"? (sees the sign up sheet and reads the title of the play)
(walks to the sign up sheet then he turns back around) We should totally audition. We would be perfect! (Says to Joe and Nick after talking about the play) Plus, we get to wear hats with feathers!
I don't joke around about a feathered hat.
Guys, but we're not actors.
When you told Nick his hair wasn't big this morning, that was acting.
I rely on you. (he touches his hair)
Wow, I guess I can act. (Nick looks at Joe then Kevin is heard laughing)
I'm gonna put our names down. (writes his name along with Joe's and Nick's names on the sheet)
If we do this, we take it seriously.
And I want a humungous sword.
And a leather patch to put my turkey leg in. What? (Joe and Nick are looking at him) In the old days, they didn't have lunch boxes.
You know, it would be really cool for us to be "The Three Musketeers."
KJKevin, Joe and Nick
One for all; all for one! (Joe and Nick put their hands on top of each other and Kevin puts his turkey leg on Joe's hand while holding it)
That's a little-- Um, we should work on that.
Yeah, definitely. (Joe and Nick leave) Ehh, there's a hair on my turkey leg. (removes the hair from the food)
Don't mind if I don't. (throws it on Frankie then he walks away and Nick enters the bedroom)
(takes the towel) I'll take it. And instead five bucks, I'll let you to continue to live here. (he leaves then Kevin leaves the bathroom with five bucks)
Hey, man, here you go. (he puts the five bucks in the tip jar) Hit me. Ahh, invigorating.
(he runs upstairs) Hey, you guys, today's your big audition for "The Three Musketeers," right?
Need any acting pointers? I got rave reviews in my kindergarten production "Safety on a School Bus."
Music and singing come naturally to us, so we're just gonna go with our instincts.
Instincts? Great. Really bad idea. Let me give you a few pointers.
Few pointers? How about a few pointers?
Dad, would you give us a few acting pointers? (he puts down the guitar)
Okay, if you insist. Come on. All right, look, acting-- the key is right here-- it's all in the face, okay? All right? Let's run through some acting expressions, okay? Start with anger. RRR! That's good, anger. Angry! (Joe and Kevin are doing the expressions with Tom except Nick) Okay, all right. Um, bravery. "Oh, nothing can hurt me. I'm so brave. Okay, that's good. Okay, and now try joy. Right into joy.
Ooh, Kevin! Your body language is fantastic. Joe, great energy. Nick, I think you show a little bit of that quiet star power as I did as boy with motion sickness.
(he sits on the ottoman) Okay. Now let give you some warm-ups to get your speech clear and your focus centered, okay? (Joe, Kevin and Nick are just looking at Tom) MMM--MMAHH! MMM--EH! MM--EHH! (blowing raspberries) (Joe is looking at Tom) (giggling) (exhaling, mumbling) (Kevin, Joe and Nick are walking away) Yeegaa! Boys? (notices that Kevin, Joe and Nick aren't there)
Move 'em or lose 'em pal! (trying to keep finding it but Kevin and Joe blocks her way then she looks up at them) Oh, sorry. (she stands up)
What are you doing, Macy?
Oh, I lost my lucky charm. I can't play without it and we have basketball game.
Well, maybe we can help you. What does it look like?
It’s a little charm that says, “You're #1”, and without it I feel like #2.
You don't need a lucky charm.
Yes, I do. It helps me win and I like to win.
Macy, it's your hard work and talent that make you a great athlete.
You know what? We don't want you to be late for the game. So you go ahead and me and Joe will stay here and look.
Right. Okay. (she runs to the game)
Man, some people are so superstitious. I don't get it. I've used the same blue panda pencil forever on all my math tests. And I don't use it because I'm superstitious. I just always have it with me. Wait, where's my blue panda pencil? (he checks his pants) No! No! (he takes various stuff out of his pockets to find it) No. (sighs) Here it is-- my blue panda pencil.(kisses it)
Hey, Stella. Which role are you trying out for? (Joe is angry at Van Dyke)
Oh, I'm gonna to try out for this lady with the fancy French name that I can't pronounce.
Oh, well, it says here that she's beautiful. You'll definitely get the part.
Stella! (he walks to her and Van Dyke) There you are. I looked all over. What did you want to talk to me about?
Me too. We're so in sync, you and me. You and me.(he takes her away from Van Dyke)
(he and Nick are walking to Mrs Snark) Hey, Mrs. Snark, my brothers and I are here to audition.
SMiss Snark
I heard that JONAS was in the house. And by "house", I obviously mean theatre not hizzy.
Right. Um, but we're not here as JONAS, just Nick, Kevin and Joe auditioning like everyone else. We don't want any special treatment.
SMiss Snart
Gentlemen, I am a woman of the theatre and biology lab. I award roles on the sole basis of talent. I assure you, you're going to prove yourselves like everyone else. Next!
SMiss Snark
Brilliant! You've got the part.
Perfection! You've got the part.
SMiss Snark
Magnificent! You've got the part.
I still say we got our roles 'cause we're celebrities. I mean, how else do you explain landing a role after saying one word.
I didn't even say a word. (Mrs. Snark is going to remove the sign up sheet and she puts the program up)
Mrs. Snark, we're a little concerned that we may gotten our roles because of you know, who we are. (he, Joe and Kevin are feeling concerned because they landed their roles so easily unlike everyone else)
You absolutely got your roles because of who you are and who you are, are fine young actors. When you've been a biology/drama teacher as long as I, you only need to hear one word sometimes less-- to recognize talent. Bravo. (claps her hands) I can assure you that casting you had nothing to do with your ability to sell tickets. (she leaves with the sign up sheet)
Yeah, nothing to do with it at all.
(she enters) So did you guys hear? I got the part. I got the part. I am playing "Lady Bona-la-chew--habla-beau-la-blech." Ahem.
Wait, isn't that the love interest to Porthos played by our very own Joe?
is it? I haven't read it that far, so...
(taps the box) Oh, this is my wig. I guess I have big fancy hair to go with my big fancy name.
(points to the box) Why does it say box "1 of 3"?
(holding her wig up) I thought high heels were hard.
Musketeers-- Athos, Porthos and Aramis-- You are deciding whether to trust a criminal to help rescue Porthos's true love. (Stella is locked at the top of the tower while holding a handkerchief) Aramis, from your line.
(steps forward) Then it is up to us to save her before she loses her head.
(drops the wig then Kevin, Joe and Nick are looking at it) Sorry.
Staple gun! Everybody take five.(Kevin, Stella and Nick are walking offstage except Joe) Porthos, let's work on your monologue. Okay (walks offstage)
Stop! I'm not feeling Porthos. You're giving me Joe. I love Joe. But I want Porthos.
Ahem. (looks at the audience and Mrs Snark) The night has fallen. (Stella, Kevin and Nick are worried about Joe) The night has fallen. And within my heart... (sweat is on his face then warped laughters of Mrs. Snark, Stella, Nick and Kevin appears)
(blows a raspberry and gives a thumbs down then Joe's sweating face is shown up close)
Porthos? Porthos? (Joe is back to reality and Mrs. Snark tells him to say his line)(Stella, Nick and Kevin are still worried about Joe then he drops his sword and runs out of the auditorium)
Hey, dude. What happened? You totally skipped the scene where I get to wear my feathered hat.
I don't want to do this play anymore. It's not my thing.
What? You can't just quit. We're The Three Musketeers.
You looked pretty nervous up there.
Nervous? I perform in front of 50,000 of screaming fans with no sweat.
Yeah, but in front of us, there was some sweat (takes out a towel from his pants and he gives it to Joe) (Joe wipes sweat off his face)
Okay, maybe just a little nervous. Just a little bit. I think I'm gonna throw up... Just a little bit.
Why do you suddenly stage fright?
I don't know. When we're performing, I just have to be Joe! And that's pretty easy.
You are an excellent Joe.
Best one I've ever worked with.
But with this play, I have to be a totally different person. What if no one believes me? Or they think you're Aramis and you're Athos and I'm Stinkos.(he grabs Nick by the shirt) I mean, I-- I don't want to do that.
Bro, this is supposed to be fun. If it's not, forget it. No big.
Then, please let go of my shirt. (Joe removes his hand from the shirt then Nick and Kevin leave Joe)
What is going on? Not the show, I can tell you that. Not to be melodramatic about it, but the show must go on!
You can't quit. If you quit, I'll have no career.
I'm sorry, it's just you're going to find somebody else to do the part.
Do you have another brother?
There's Frankie. He's eight but he can play really close to 11.
Where am I going to find another Porthos in such short notice?
What up, diggy dogs? (he comes and he puts his arm around Joe)
Magnificent! You've got the part.
The part of Porthos in "The Three Musketeers. (Van Dyke is confused) Porthos is her love interest.
After the break, we'll start rehearsing the big romantic scene between you and Stella. Come. (she, Stella and Van Dyke leave)
It's my talent and hard work that's made me a great athlete. Nerks!(she is angry)(walks in front of Kevin then she turns around to apologize) Ooh! I'm sorry. It's just we lost yesterday I didn't have my lucky charm. I threw nothing but bricks. Me! Mighty Mite Macy Misa!
(he takes off his boot and gives it to Macy) Here.
(holds Kevin's boot and walks while holding with it) Your Jacques LeFajette size 8 and a half calfskin boot in hot cocoa brown? (she turns around) Why?
Don't tell anybody, but I believe in lucky charms too. That's my lucky boot. I want you to have it.
But how do you know it's lucky, besides the obvious fact it gets to hug your foot all day and night.
I wear it every single night on stage. I’ve never done a performance without it, and I’ve never been struck by lightning! Now, if that’s not lucky I don’t know what is.
Well, then come on lucky boot. Let's go kick some butt! (she leaves with Kevin's boot then he is walking with one boot one)
Hey, Joe, can we talk about the play?
Aren't you guys gonna ask me about my boot first? (he is shown wearing a sock on his left foot)
JNJoe and Nick
No. (they shake their heads)
Joe, seeing as how you decided to leave the play, me and Nick want to let you know that if you wanted us to quit, we will. (Nick nods in agreement) I really really don't want to but I will. I really don't want to but I will. I really don't want to but I will. I really really don't want to but I will.
Guys. I don't you to quit because of me. It's really cool. I appreciate it. I guess we are The Musketeers. (horns blow)
Hey, my two Musketeers. Let's hit play practice.
I think you mean rehearsal.
Rehearsal, yeah. That's what Mrs. Snark called it. (notices that Kevin isn't wearing one of his boots) Hey, where's your boot?
Thank you for asking. You know, it is a crazy story... It happened to me a little earlier
Look, um, I was sorry to see you quit.
Yeah, well, Van Dyke stepped right in there. I mean, I'm not Van Dyke Tosh, you know?
Yeah, well, he's a pretty good looking guy, though.
Do you want to lie to you?
Hey, Stella, come on! One for all and all for fun!
Tis a great risk, Porthos. (he and Nick are practicing with swords)
(grunting) But Athos, we must trust...him if we are to save the life of the fair... Lady De Bonna...
(he goes upstairs) Lady De-Bonna-So-La-Boo. I thought rehearsal was over an hour ago.
Yeah, well, some of us needed some more practice. (Kevin pats and points at Van Dyke)
Ah, no problem, fellas. I'm glad I could help you out. I did win the team-player-of-the-year trophy two years running. Speaking of running, where's the can?
Thanks. (runs to the bathroom)
Well, that is one classy guy.
Yeah, but we still wish it was you that we were rehearsing with, Joe.
And I bet you wish Van Dyke wasn't rehearsing with Stella.
So he kisses her hand in once scene-- no big deal.
Whatever. The point is, why is Van Dyke here in our room? This is like Sacred JONAS territory.
It's not like Van Dyke's going to replace you, Joe.
Except, you know, in the play where he actually did replace you.
Yo, dudes. What do you say we grab some bites?
Van Dyke : One for all--
KNKevin and Nick
All for one.
(mimicking Van Dyke) Yo, dudes, Why not grab some bites?
(enters backstage) Hey, you guys, I just wanted to say have a great show.
Van Dyke : Hey thanks, bud! We sure will. (Joe shakes Nick's hand) Okay, boys, huddle up! Go acting!
Yeah. Um, Joe, this is really weird. I think this is the first time we've perform without you.
Attention, everyone! Attention! Last-minute change between the romantic love scene between Porthos and Lady B. Instead of a kiss on the hand, the school board has said it's okay to for it to be a real kiss!
Van Dyke : Awesome. (Van Dyke sprays his mouth and Nick is trying to take out the spit from his ear)
Mrs. Snark : Places, everyone. Curtains in one minute! (feedback)
