Hey, Stella, can we talk about you and me?
You and me, Joe? Um... sure what's up?
You should go out with Van Dyke.
How is that about you and me?
If you want to go out with Van Dyke, don't let me stop you.
Oh. Okay. First-- wow. Second-- huh? And third-- huh? Again.
I mean, don't say no to Van Dyke because of me.
I'm not saying no to Van Dyke because of you. And why are you suddenly all up in my personal life?
Hey, whatever you want to do in your personal is fine with me.
(clears throat) Stop talking!
You have my blessing to go out with whoever you want.
Oh, for the love of all that is Mike, stop talking.
(walks to the table) Oh! Hey, Stells! Since you're not free on Saturday-- (his backpack drops on Nick's head) (Nick pushes Van Dyke's backpack away)
Actually, um-- I-- I am free on Saturday. (giggles) And if you're still free...
Touchdown. How about I pick you up at 7?
Cool. I'll walk you to the planetarium.
This school doesn't have a planetarium, but okay.
So what's your favorite color? (leaves with Stella)
Why didn't you stop me from talking? (asks Nick)
How's that? (stands up while he takes his folders and puts a sticky note with a frown on Joe's mouth) (Nick leaves)
(enters) Hey, Nick. What's up?
Here. Cookies. Eat.. (puts the fifth tray of cookies on the counter for Kevin to enjoy)
Wow, what a strange turn of events. I thought you weren't making me anymore cookies.
I know, right? But I woke up this morning with this urgent need and I've been baking you cookies all day. It's like I had this little voice in my head saying "cookies-- lots of them-- for me." I mean you. (chuckles)
Right. So you're saying all these are for me?
Oh and these. (takes a gift basket of cookies from the cabinet) Don't eat 'em all at once. (gives the basket to Kevin)
I love you, man! (takes the basket) (moans) (puts the basket on the counter and takes two cookies from it then asks Nick) Okay, can you put one in my mouth. I only have two hands.
No. (Kevin takes a bite of one of the cookies that he is holding)
(slides down his pole) Okay, Van Dyke picked Stella up at 7:00. They go to a restaurant, they have dinner, he takes her home. But I just called her house and she's not there. How come?
Maybe because it's only 7:15.
Joe, you just need to calm down. Let's all sit down and have a cookie, but not these cookies! These are mine!
Joe, I don't get it. You're the one who made Stella go on a date with Van Dyke.
I didn't make her go. I said, "you can go if you want to."
I didn't want her to! Especially if she was gonna be there for 16 minutes! (checks Kevin's watch)
Joe, come to big brother Kevin for some more brotherly advice.
I'm not going back in there. I'm just gonna call her on her cell.
(takes Joe's phone from him) You are not calling Stella on her cell phone. (puts Joe's phone the counter)
Okay. I'll call the restaurant. (sees the phone and picks it up then dials the number)
Don't make me sticker your mouth again.
Hello-- (Nick takes the phone from Joe and throws it) (glass shatters) (cat howls) Then I'll go to El Meat. (Kevin and Nick prevent him from leaving the house)
Whoa! We cannot let you do that. If you go, Stella will hate you forever.
Brothers don't let brothers make fools of themselves. Kevin, I'm sorry, I've let you down for so many years.
You guys are right. You know, I'm just gonna take a walk, (takes his jacket) get some fresh air.
Sounds good. (walks away)
Kevin, can I have the car keys please?
Yeah, man, here you go. (tosses the keys to Joe) (Joe leaves with the keys)
(caught the keys) Thank you. (leaves with the keys and jacket)
Kevin, what are you doing?
Oh! I know what you're thinking. I'm sure he's just taking the car for a drive so he can find a really nice place to go on a walk. It's all good.
And-- oh! Come on! Uh-unh! What you got? Yes, I block it! (grunting) And, he scores! Yes! Take that, Kevin! (hooting)
(enters and sees the empty trays and basket) Hey, Kev.
Pretty good. I'm winning 273 to 194. (crowd cheering) And now i'm losing 194 to 273. (whimpers) (crowd booing)
Looks like you're having a great time.
(panting) Actually, it looks that way, doesn't it? But actually, I'm having a terrible time! I can't stop. Why can't I stop? Oh look! Cardio! That'll help. Why can't I stop, Nick? Why can't I stop? Oh look, the guitar! Hey, Nick, I wrote a new slow song. You want to hear it? Okay! (plays fast rock music) What do you think? Yeah, it's a little boring in the middle. I don't know what I'm doing!
It's all those cookies that I made you. You're having a sugar rush. (Kevin gives Nick the guitar) (Nick puts the guitar down)
It's not your fault! I have a confession to make. Last night, when you were sleeping, I hypnotized you so you would make me more of your cookies that little voice inside your head-- that was me!
I have a confession to make. I was actually awake. I made all those cookies on purpose to try and teach you a lesson.
That you have no self-control. And once you've learned that lesson, you can take a few in knitting because that thing is way long.
Well, how can I make it stop?
Don't worry about that, you'll crash soon enough.
I don't know if I will, Nick. (walks to the recliner and Nick takes the blanket off it)I think I can do this for days. It's like I'll never stop. (snoring)
(storming upstairs) I'll tell this much, I'm never speaking to that girl again. If she thinks she can tell me what to do--
I'm coming! (slides down his pole)
(puts blanket on Kevin) Good night, cookie.
(wakes up then goes back to sleep) Cookie!
(enters the house) Don't give me "what up" all innocent like you don't know what up. I don't know how someone can be so conceited and selfish and just-- just thoughtless.
Yeah, well, you are stuck-up, pretentious and totally gorgeous.
I-- I meant adorable, so adorable, you make me sick.
Oh, I'm sorry. If I'm so sickeningly adorable, then why did you come to the restaurant tonight?
Why did you go out with Van Dyke?
Because he asked me! Isn't that how it works, Joe? A guy asks out a girl because he likes he?
What about a guy not asking a girl because he likes her, huh? Have you ever thought about that?
I didn't want to wreck everything, you and me don't have together.
That makes absolutely no sense!
Yeah? Well, sometimes, things don't make sense. (going to kiss Stella)
Okay, like-- Oh. Um, I see your point. And I shall see you tomorrow. (accidently takes the watermelon rather than her purse) This is not my purse. (she leaves the watermelon at the house and takes her purse with her then leaves) (Joe falls down)
(screams) Get them away from me!
Good boy. (Joe and Stella walk to Kevin and Nick) You two seem to be friends again.
We never stopped being friends. (takes the guitar off)
Oh no, we just agreed to forget everything that happened last night.
Definitely. The whole thing was ridiculous and best forgotten.
I don't even know what we're talking about.
Sweet, so everything's back to normal?
Totally normal. (school bell rings)
Great. (she kisses Joe then they take each other's belonging by mistake and they leave opposite directions but they return their belongings back to each other) (Stella and Joe murmur)
(panting) It's not your fault! I have a confession to make. Last night, when you were sleeping, I hypnotized you so you would make me more of your cookies that little voice inside your head-- that was me!
I'm sorry. (Kevin laughs, groans) (crew laughing)
M1Man 1#
Okay, here we go.
M2Man 2#
Still rolling. (Kevin and Nick leave)
I'm watching you. You two seem to be friends again.
Yeah, we-- (stammers) (crew laughing) (Stella waves at the camera)
I would like to go home now, Van Dyke, please. Oh! Oh! (squealing)
Of course, Stella, I'll call my mom. (mimics zapping noises) (he pretends to be shocked) (all laughing)
Guys! (runs towards to Nick and Joe) (bumps into Joe)
Sorry, guys. Hey, I just got a text from Anya saying that she is going to be coming to our school to be an exchange student. You know-- Anya, the president of our Scandinavian fan club Anya?
The really strong, the really blonde that I can't stop thinking about. (sighs) (a thought bubble of Anya appears) (pops)
You two were really crushing on each other when we toured Scandinavia.
Kevin Well, all the long walks, the dancing, the romantic dinners, the regular dinners-- it really was the best 2 1/2 days of my young life.
Remember how bummed you were when the tour ended? And you thought your heart never be...(pulls out pen and paper) mended? (starts to write)
That rhymed! Wait a second, do you really care or are you just writing a new song?
I care. (continues to write)
Do you wanna go on tour again, or not?
So she's coming all the way to America to go to this school?
And to see me. (Anya appears)
Anya! (romantic music playing) (he and Anya run to each other) (Anya lifts Kevin off the floor then they dance)
Kevin had, like, three milkshakes for lunch, so… I think we should get out of here before he blows.
Yeah. (agrees then leaves with Nick)
I really think you're going to like the atrium. It's like having the outside on the inside.
An outside inside outside-- you're right, I love it.
(laughs) Oh good. (Nick, Joe and Stella are going to spy on Kevin and Anya)
Oh, look at Kevin. He must be freezing. I mean, his lips are turning blue.
That always happens when he likes a girl.
You know, I've really missed you, since we ended our tour in Scandinavia.
Me too. Do you know what else I've missed since Scandinavia? (takes a cd player from her bag)
KAKevin and Anya
(unison) Our song! (pop music playing) (they started dancing)
She dances just like my grandma. Well, back, when she had her own hips.
Quick, everybody look serious in a different direction.
She dances just like my grandma. Well, back when she had her own hips. (Nick stops watching Kevin and Anya dancing then turns around to see other students laughing) (Nick stands up and he walks to Joe and Stella then Nick grabs their arms)
No one would dance with me like this back at home. They think I'm different.
You know, me too. You know, we have a winter wonderland dance coming up.
(stops dancing and turns around to notice that the other students are laughing) (stops the boombox) (the students are still laughing) I made you a present.
Uh-huh. (takes a snow globe from her bag and gives it to Kevin)
It's an outside on the inside.
In an outside inside outside.
You know, I'm happy on the inside and outside. (ballad music playing)
See? You know, I feel like we're really alike, except you have blonde hair and I have brown hair. (Anya picks up her bag)
And I'm wearing a dress and you're wearing pants.
And your name's Anya and my name's Kevin. (school bell ringing) School. (opens the door for him and Anya)
(runs fast to tell Stella, Joe and Nick) Excuse me! Someone posted unauthorized pictures of the guys on my JONAS website. Look. Oh hang on, I’m not really sure how to use my new smart phone yet, (barking noise come from phone) oops, I think I just bought a puppy.
Ooh, I was in the middle of sneezing there.
Look at this one. I'm in the middle of a yawn. But, I still look pretty good. (Stella punched him) Ow.
There's obviously undercover paparazzi at school.
Maybe we should handle this like they do on "Crime Scene Cops." First you need some cool shades, then the cool camera angles. When we get our hands on the guys taking these photos, it won't be a pretty picture. (guitar riff plays) Hey-yyyy!
Shh. You'll ruin the moment. Now everyone, look serious in a different direction.
Maybe we should spend time looking cool and more time looking for the guy who did this.
(punched Nick lightly) Good thinking, detective. Maybe it's a janitor hiding a camera in his mop! I'm keeping my eye on you. (gives the broken mop back to the janitor then he walks away then Macy, Stella and Nick leave opposite directions) Hey, lunch lady, why are you walking so fast?
(enters the house with Anya's message to Kevin) Delivery for Kevin! (Nick, Joe and Kevin walk to the table) From a little lady called Anya. Ta-dah! (Tom puts Anya's message to Kevin on the table)
"Dance will the to me you with go"!
I think she speaks in broken cookie.
"Will you to the dance go with me"!
Hey, Anya's asking you to the dance. Wait-- you know what? Do you mind? This one's got "me" written all over it. (reached for a cookie and takes it) (laughs)
I think I'm gonna bake her three cakes that spell "yes." You know, Anya's the first girl that I've met that really gets me.
Well, we've met a lot of girls. It was bound to happen.
Sometimes it's hard being the different one. But with Anya, we're both the different one, so we're the same... in that we're different from all the others that are the same.
That's-- that's good. Good.
You didn't get it, did you?
You know what else I like about her? She speaks her mind. When she's mad, she says so. Happy, says so. Hungry, says so. Tired, says so. Sad, says so. Gassy... says so. Doesn't feel like talking, she says so. (notices Joe and Nick are sleeping on the table then joins them)
We gotta find out who's been sneaking those photos of us from inside this house.
Look at him! Sitting there all innocent and dad.
Terrific. I just cut the band a monster deal that is bigger--
Yeah yeah yeah, it's great. (he turns off the lights) (he and Nick walk to towards Tom then Joe and Nick take their beverages off the counter) (Joe wears his sunglasses while Where were you between the hours of 8:00 and 11:00 Saturday morning?
Well, at Frankie's soccer game.
Prove it. (picks up his beverage and drinks it)
He's right. We were there. I remember that now.
So unless you fellas are willing to charge me, I do have an appointment in the world of normal. (walks to the light switch to turn it on) (chuckles)
Don't leave town. (guitar riff playing) Hey-yyyy!
Okay. (walks away) (Nick puts his beverage on the counter)
What are you doing? (sunglasses crunch) (trash can rattles) (Nick takes Joe's glasses off then breaks it in half to throw it away but Joe has another pair) (guitar riff playing) Hey-yyyy! (Kevin walks into the house after Anya ended their relationship)
Not good. I can't figure out what went wrong with me and Anya.
Joe Well, you guys are going out and then she broke up with you.
But why? Why?! Why? Why? Everything was going so good back in Scandinavia.
Maybe you should go back to Anya's country.
No, I'd miss you guys too much.
We'd miss you too. (Kevin fist bumps Joe and Nick)
Wait a minute! If I could make it so being here, reminds her of home, maybe she'll remember how happy we were there.
Maybe you should study up on Scandinavia and do whatever you can to make her feel at home.
If I bring Norway her way, maybe she won’t go away. (Joe and Nick look at each other then they clap their hands) Thanks.
I'll find you, you evil undercover paparazzi. (her cellphone beeps) Oh no, my new phone is take pictures and uploading them to my website by itself. (gasps) The evil undercover paparazzi is me!
Okay, I am done with you, you are going to feel like the perfect girlfriend for Kevin. First lesson, I am going to teach you how to walk gracefully. Watch me. (shows a demonstration and Anya watches)
How did you get your bones to move like that?
Oh, you just pretend you don't have any.
Oh! (tries to walk gracefully but can't)
And canceling my afternoon plans.
The world's largest population of reindeer can be found in...?
Yes! Okay. The reindeer crossing sign is the most popular souvenir in...?
What region starts with "sc" and ends with "andinavia"?
Is this a trick question?
How can Anya not be impressed?
Hey, Joe, come here, try this. (pours lutefisk into a cup)
Okay, fine. I'm so proud of you. (takes the cup of lutefisk from Kevin)
Is that what I think it is? (points to the lutefisk pudding that Kevin poured into the cup)
Ewwww! (spits into the sink and Nick covers his mouth) (Joe scrubs his tongue with the brush) Why did you do that?
I didn't really know how to make it so I just put some fish in a blender and chopped, serrated, diced.
(scrubs tongue with the brush) Why would you do that?!!
When you're on a date, it's always nice to start with a compliment. For example, I might say to you, you have a wonderful smile.
Thank you! I have six teeth too many.
Oh. Good, thanks. Now you go. Go ahead, compliment me.
Uh... huh-uh. You have very big hands for such a small girl.
Oh yeah? They found sharks with less teeth than you. I mean... I think you're really starting to get it. Let's move on. Kevin? (he turns around) Aha... um, whoa, hey. I was gonna say I had a surprise for you but I think you beat me to it.
As a matter of fact... I have. I turned her into an American girlfriend for you.
Hey, Kev. What's up bro-ham?
Whoa whoa whoa. Um, we didn't rehearse that greeting. Uh, what's with the fake dog?
I'm totally allergic to real dogs, but I totally wasn't going to let that stop me from having the totally perfect American girl accessory.
What about all the stuff we worked on?
Oh, I found much better stuff in this magazine.
Anya, what happened to you?
Oh, my name's not Anya anymore. It's Kimmy. I changed it. With a little, you know, heart over the "i." (clears throat) Why are you dressed like that?
I wanted to make you feel at home.
Okay, like my grandpa's home.
Right, Kimmy. Um... I think I liked the old you better.
Oh, well, I'm still old me but the new me just looks fantastic in this outfit. Right, Bootsy? Yes! Bye. (leaves with her magazine and stuffed dog)
You broke Anya. (he gives the thermos to Stella then he leaves)
