[watching Aunt Dahlia and Trotter seal the deal on Milady's Boudoir] He's kissed her on the cheek! Good Lord.... She's slapped him on the back... now she's helping him up, dusting down his suit...
S4 E4The Delayed Arrival
[After the darts tournament, which, for the 17th year in a row, has ended in a tie]
You know, Jeeves, I can't help thinking, somewhere at the back of my mind, there must be a better method of deciding the championship than playing the best of six games.
It does seem likely, sir.
Perhaps the best of eight would do it.
Possibly, sir.
Ten. Exhaustion might yet result, if nothing else.
I'm sure the Sports Committee will find a way, sir — given time.
S4 E5Trouble at Totleigh Towers
I know Stiffy. I'd run a mile in tight shoes for her. But she lacks that, that balanced judgment that one likes to see in girls.
Oh, stop playing with the hat, Jeeves. I knew you wouldn't like it.
Oh, not at all, sir! Oh, good heavens, it has its name printed on the inside! How convenient!
I'm furious with Augustus.
Oh, surely not!
He was so rude about Roderick.
Never!
He said to Daddy that he was sick and tired of seeing Roderick clumping about the place as if it belonged to him, and if Daddy had an ounce more sense than a billiard ball, he would charge him rent. He was most offensive!
Well, h-h-he said it with a light laugh.
No.
Well, you might not have noticed it. Very easy to miss these light laughs.
Perhaps you have hidden depths, Wooster, is that it?
I don't think so. No one's ever mentioned it, anyway.
["Oh By Jingo"]
Oh by gee by gosh by gum by Jove!
Oh by Jove, oh by Jove, oh by Jove!
Oh By Jingo, won't you hear our love?
Will you kindly raise your voice?
RSRoderick Spode, Stiffy Byng, Rev. Stinker Pinker
Louder!
We will build for you a hut!
MPMajor Plank, Chief Toto
Yes!
You will be our favourite nut!
MPMajor Plank, Chief Toto
Correct!
We'll have a lot of little oh-by-Joveses!
Dress them up in clogs and clotheses.
Oh By Jingo said by gosh by gee!
MPMajor Plank, Chief Toto
G, A, B, C, D, E, stop!
Oh by jiminy, please don't bother me!
RSRoderick Spode, Major Plank, Chief Toto
Bother her, bother her!
So they all went away, saying
AAll
Oh by gee by gosh by gum by Oh By Jingo, by gee, you're the only one for me!
Bring me lobster on a clean plate!
S4 E6The Ties That Bind
Ha! Do you ever feel like throwing open the window and shouting that the world is a wonderful place, Jeeves?
Erm... no, sir.
Or dancing in the street, scattering petals on the passers-by?
Only infrequently, sir.
Good Lord! Ginger Winship!
GWGinger Winship
Bertie! Nice to see you!
You down here for the wedding?
GWGinger Winship
No, no. There's a by-election. I'm standing for Parliament.
No!
GWGinger Winship
I am!
But you're an absolute idiot, Ginger!
GWGinger Winship
I know!
Something up with the bath?
The water appears reluctant to drain, sir.
Oh. Pulled the plug out, have you?
That was amongst the first things I thought of, sir.
Yes, well I'm sorry, Ginger, but there's a snag here. I expect you've spotted it.
GWGinger Winship
Florence.
Well done.
GWGinger Winship
No, it's all right. I'm going to get Florence to break our engagement.
No, no, no, no, no! Ginger, let's not be hasty!
GWGinger Winship
I'm going to lose the election.
How? The voters of Totleigh-in-the-Wold would elect Bobsey the cloth-eared bunny rabbit if he was wearing a blue rosette.
[Bertie sits in his bedroom while Jeeves cleans in the adjacent bathroom]
Who was that fellow with the circles, Jeeves?
You are perhaps thinking of the Florentine poet Dante Alighieri, sir, who, in the first part of his Divina Commedia, is conducted by Virgil through the nine circles of Hell.
That's the chap. Well, those fellows he bumped into had it easy.
One could beg to take issue with you there, sir.
Were any of them engaged to marry Florence Craye?
The poet makes no mention of it, sir.
Or condemned to stand, whey-faced and trembling, at the altar steps while Madeline Bassett advanced on them, up the aisle, on the arm of her father?
Indeed not, sir.
Well, it had to happen to somebody one day, I suppose. And it happened to me today. Fate has dealt me the royal flush, Jeeves: I'm engaged to Madeline Bassett and Lady Florence at the same time.
[Jeeves immediately stops cleaning and enters the bedroom]
Oh. [pause] Oh dear, sir.
[about Bertie] I think he's having a brainstorm!
What with?
[Bertie has pretended to faint]
We should loosen his collar.
I hardly think such drastic measures are called for, Miss Bassett.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Jeeves and Wooster pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.