Jeeves and Wooster · Season 3, Episode 5
“Hot Off the Press” · Season 3, Episode 5
In this episode: Bertie Wooster (14), Jeeves (7), Roderick Spode (3), Sir Watkyn Bassett (3), Stiffy Byng (2), Gussie Fink-Nottle (1), Florence Craye (1)
[Bertie, in the middle of the night, finds Spode applying a sledgehammer to the safe in Sir Watkyn's study]
I say! [the sledgehammer, missing the safe, comes crashing down instead on an adjacent table] What are you doing!?
How dare you question my motives!?
[Bertie tries in vain to remember the Battle of Naseby, the year of which holds the key to opening Sir Watkyn's safe]
Yes, the date of the battle is the number of the combination.
Ah, Trafalgar.
Uh, no ...
Hastings.
Yes! No ... no, like Hastings. Hastings ... Mason ... Raisin ...
[irritated] I don't recall a Battle of Raisin.
Well perhaps it was in the Grape War. [chuckles] It was a joke, Spode.
[about the script for the "Pat and Mike" sketch]
But it's absolute balderdash, Bertie. I mean, listen to this: "Sure and begorrah, I don't know what's after being the matter with you, Michael." I mean, what on earth is this "what's after being" stuff mean?
My dear old Gussie, that is how people think Irish people talk.
What parcel was this, Wooster?
Nothing special... usual sort of brown-paper affair, bit of string, suspicion of sealing wax, that's all.
Jeeves!
Yes, sir?
That parcel has arrived in London!
Yes, sir.
Well, did you send it?
Yes, sir. [Bertie lets out a small scream] I acted for the best, sir.
You do know that Lady Florence has broken off her engagement with me.
In my opinion, sir — and I'm sorry if this causes you any distress — you and Lady Florence are not ideally matched. Her ladyship is of a highly arbitrary and determined temperament, sir, quite opposed to your own.
Oh, indeed, Jeeves! Well, I'm very grateful for your opinion! I must say that what I had in mind from you was abject, quivering apology! This is very sad, Jeeves, but I'm going to have to think very seriously about your future. I — [catches sight of Florence telling off two servants downstairs]
...I trust that is not alcohol I smell on your breath. Drunkenness may be de rigeur among the servants in some houses, but I should be sorry to see it take hold here.
My lady.
I suggest you read these. They're a brief introduction to the beliefs and aims of the Theosophical Society. Study them well! [hands a pamphlet to each servant, then exits]
Thank you, my lady.
Yes, Lady Worplesden.
...Yes, well, I've thought seriously about your future, Jeeves, and I think it should continue very much in the vein of your immediate past. I owe you an apology, Jeeves.
By no means, sir.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Jeeves and Wooster pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
