Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks · Season 1
[angry] Janey Mack, Piggley, why did you start a pillow fight?!
I didn't start it!
Did so!
Did not!
Did so!
Did not!
Did so!
Did not!
Did so!
[covers the boys' mouths with her hands] STOOOOOOOP!!!
[Padrig hears the yelling.]
[angry] PIGGLEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!
[turns off the lamp] We're asleep!
[Molly wakes up and finds Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan making jam sandwiches.]
What are you all doin'?
Shhh!
We're makin' a picnic lunch for dad!
Why are you doin' that?
[Dannan, then Piggley, then Ferny take turns shushing Molly.]
Ugh... It's for the fishing trip tomorrow!
Oh...
I'll take Molly back to bed. You boys go ahead and make the sandwiches.
Will you make one for me too, Piggley? Pleeeaaase?
Okay, okay. Just be quiet!
Sweets, too? Pleeeease!
Ugh, fine...
[Dannan takes Molly back to bed.]
[to Ferny] Jakers...
[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan think that they're not going fishing with Padrig due to their mischief tonight.]
Oh, well. We can always play "pirates" tomorrow, instead.
Pirates will be fun.
[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan are outside catching grasshoppers as fishing bait for Padrig.]
[from inside] I wouldn't be hearin' children outside, would I?!
[heads back in with Ferny and Dannan] We're all asleep, dad!
[The next morning...]
Dad! Wait for us!
After playin' around all night, you think you deserve to go with me?
But, dad! We weren't playin'!
I'm sorry.
But the merman!
Maybe another time, Piggley.
[Just then, he notices the jar of grasshoppers that Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan caught last night.]
What's all this now?
[Padrig picks up the jar and examines it.]
So, is this what you rascals were up to last night? You know, you should all be out pickin' spuds today for keepin' everyone up all night. But I suppose your hearts were in the right place. So, are ya gonna stand there all mornin'... or are we going fishing?
[The kids cheer.]
[After Piggley takes a picture of Wiley.]
Wowee-wow-wow-wow! I've been photographed, captured on film, recorded for posterity! Just picture it: my face, appearing everywhere - newspapers, magazines, the post office! Hold it. Strike that post office. I don't wanna be that wanted. I could be big! I could be famous! I could be big and famous! I could go to the big city, meet up with destiny, get a decent cheeseburger. I gotta get that kid to take another picture of me. Maybe a nice 8 by 10 glossy, a couple of candids, some good commercial shots, maybe a full-figured cheesecake matte finish.
There he is. My shot at the big time. I could be on Broadway, in the movies, on the radio. No. No, not the radio. They can't see me on the radio, not even if they sit real close.
Class, over the next few weeks, I will be visiting each of your families for supper. The first family I will be visiting is... Piggley's.
[Everyone, including Piggley, is shocked.]
Are you tellin' me that Mr. Hornsby is going to be comin' right into me very own home?
It's unnatural, I tell ya! It shouldn't be allowed! Why, I've never heard of such a thing in all me life!
Oh. Well, I thought you really like Mr. Hornsby, Dannan.
I do... in the classroom. That's where he belongs, and that's just where he'd ought to stay!
[Piggley imagines how Mr. Hornsby's visit to his family will go.]
Well, Hornsby...
That's Mr. Hornsby!
[clears her throat] Would you like some--
Please raise your hand before speakin'.
[Piggley nervously slides underneath the table.]
Ohhhh, sit up, young man!
[Piggley sits up straight. This causes Molly to laugh.]
Who is laughin'?!
[Piggley points to Molly, who immediately sits up straight.]
[tuts disappointed] Oh... [starts grading the family one by one] "F", "F", "F"... "F".
[Molly pats her chest, then burps. The family gasps in horror. Mr. Hornsby is furious.]
[dramatically clearing his throat] Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-em?! That is one more big... fat... "F".
[Wiley and the flock are in the barn, itching all over.]
Hopping hairballs! What is this?! We're infested! Inhabited! Lemme put it this way, flock. We got bugs! I know what you're thinkin'. Where do they come from? Why are they here? Should we charge rent?
[The flock tries to pick the bugs off of each other.]
No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no! Not like that! That's how monkeys do it! We got no thumbs.
[Piggley imagines Mr. Hornsby overworking him and Ferny.]
Alright, now. Two plus two! Four plus four! The square root of 9! Name the seven wonders of the world. What was William Shakespeare's middle name? You'd better pick up the pace, boys. You remember what happened to your little friend Dannan.
[Dannan is sitting on a stool peeling potatoes while wearing a dunce cap.]
[Wiley and the flock are still itching.]
What can we learn from our friends, the warthogs?
[One of the sheep, Carl, excitedly raises his hand and bleats.]
Let's pretend Carl is a warthog. [Carl is offended] A big, fuzzy, wooly warthog. Eh... A good-looking warthog. Hey, handsome! But he's crawling with bugs! However, being a smart - oddly alluring - warthog, Carl knows exactly what to do. Stop, drop, and roll!
[Wiley sends Carl rolling across the field.]
And like the clever warthog, Carl knows to clean his wool by covering himself in earthen filth.
[Carl rolls over Wiley.]
[annoyed] Unfortunately, being Carl... [Carl runs him over again] He doesn't know when to stop! [Carl runs him over once more] That is one clean sheep.
[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan try to get an apple for Mr. Hornsby by pulling a tree branch down to them with ropes. After struggling, the apple is now dangling within Dannan's reach.]
Oh. There it is! I'll get it!
[narrating] Dannan reached out to pluck the little beauty, and...
[As soon as Dannan plucks the apple off the tree, Piggley and Ferny are launched through the air, screaming as they fly out of the orchard, then out of Ireland, then into space.]
[narrating] We flew into the air, and shot right through the stratosphere. Clear out into space we flew! All the way to the surface of the moon! Where we were met by a couple of crazy-looking moon men!
Grandpa!
Uh, what's the problem, children?
[in disbelief] You flew all the way to space and landed on the moon.
Well... Maybe we didn't actually fly into space.
There once was a student who got in big trouble for something he didn't even do.
What didn't he do?
His homework.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
