JAG quotes

When's the party?

1900 tonight.

Tonight? But my dress uniform's at the cleaners, sir. I don't have a dress. I haven't done my hair.

Your hair's fine, Major. And Webb's taken care of the dress.

You don't even know my size.

Webb

36-24-36, 5 foot 8, plus 130 pounds.

120, thank you very much!

Commander, do not do anything to exacerbate the situation.

Don't worry, sir, you know me.

Yes I do!

What I approved was a simple piece of intelligence gathering. But your people have an uncanny knack for being where the trouble is.

I prefer to think of them as where they're most needed.

Webb

You're jumping to conclusions Admiral.

I'm going to be jumping to more than that if you don't get my people out of there now!

Webb

Oh, what are you gonna do? Break my nose again?!

Webb, next time you're thinking about asking us for help, don't.

(in signing out weapons) Humor me, Chief ... just every once in a while I like to blow the hell out of something.

I know what you mean, sir. That's a hell of a lot of firepower for a lawyer, commander.

Obviously you've never seen him in the courtroom.

You don't have to do this.

The hell I don't, sir.

Well, by my last count, we're about to violate at least seven separate provisions of the status-of-forces agreement with Italy. Hell, you'd better call me A.J.

All right, A.J. Let's do it.

United States Navy v. Gentilli. Apparently, you and I prosecuted. Do you remember this?

I don't remember what I had for breakfast, Mac.

Bud

Pumpernickel bagel, sir.

Thanks for noticing, Bud.

New year’s resolution, remember to kill Rabb.

Watertown is Los Angeles class. Are you familiar with them?

No, sir.

Be prepared to do a lot of slouching.

Understood, sir.

Good. Major, one caveat. You’ll be in tight quarters with 141 men. Prepare yourself.

Sir, might I suggest you give that warning to the crew of the Watertown?

You’re squirming!

My knees are in my face, Mac! Give me a break.

Bud

You know, I’ve never been on a sub. What’s it like?

Well, you can experience it firsthand, Bud.

Bud

I can?

Yeah. When you go home tonight, throw out all your fresh fruit and vegetables, put lube oil in your humidifier, go to sleep on a shelf in your closet, and go to work before sunrise.

Tiner

The admiral became a sort of mentor to the lieutenant, and Lieutenant Sherkston’s sort of like the son the admiral never had.

(To Harm.) Oh, I guess that makes you the son he never wanted.

Ha. Very funny.

Dinner for a week says it’s Newman.

Buying or making?

Buying.

Then you’re on. (They shake hands.) Nothing personal, but, um, that last meat loaf you made was nasty.

Are you dogging Harm’s special meatless meat loaf?

Let’s put it this way. If you were to make the Harmon special on this ship, they’d have to unload it with the toxic waste.

Wow. That’s a little harsh, don’t you think? If you don’t like it, you could just say, “I don’t like your meat loaf, Harm.” You don’t have to be insulting. (Throws a screwed up serviette at her.)

Harm and Mac, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!