[during a slideshow presentation of various Jade Artifacts]
I recognize some of these pieces. Some of the finest examples of Emperor's Jade ever to exist.
Until they vanished. As you know the collections of nearly a dozen Chinese museums have been hit over the last decade, and the thefts have the same thing in common.
No prints, no tracks, no suspects.
Until now. Section 13 agents have been tracking the movements of Taiwanese billionaire Bartholomew Chang.
[noticing Chang's hand is made entirely of jade] His hand!
[enters the room] You rang?
JBJackie & Captain Black
The stone.
Our biggest obstacle is diplomatic. The Taiwanese government believes Chang to be its greatest philanthropist. That's why we can't make a move on his island fortress without absolute proof that he's stockpiling the goods there.
Chang is about to host his annual exclusive Martial Arts Tournament, ostensibly for charity. But I believe Chang uses the tournament as an audition to recruit muscle for his private army, and the guest transportation as a means to smuggle jade onto the island, and off of it.
You want me to attend the tournament as a contestant.
And find the... [looks around; whispers] Jade.
[Jade suddenly appears from an overhead vent]
Captain Black, no offense, but this is way out of Jackie's league. This is a job for the J-Team! El Toro Fuerte; wrestler extraordinaire! Viper; mistress of Hapkido, Pilates, and Krav Maga! Tohru; the big strong... er, Sumo!
Uh, yes. Captain Black, I am sorry my niece has such an active imagination.
BCBartholomew Chang
And over here, the pride and joy of Chang Enterprises; basket weaving. All proceeds go- [Jackie falls from an air vent] You! This area is off limits! What are you doing?!
BCBartholomew Chang
[nervously] What jade?! There is no jade here! I see no jade!
Oh no no no no, Jade my niece, not jade the stone! Have you seen it- I mean, her?
And now that I'm finally rid of that petulant lizard, Shendu, the Dark Hand will rise ag-
Uh, Valmont? Your pancakes are getting cold. [Valmont gives Ratso his pancake stack]
Speaking of temperature, you'll need to acquire some serious heat if we're to embark on our epic crime spree!
Now you're talking, Big-V!
You three will break into Section 13 and steal the Talismans.
Uh, busting into Section 13's kinda risky.
Besides V, we don't do flunky work.
Not unless we're getting paid.
Uh true, this Demon nonsense has depleted Dark Hand finances, but you know I'm good for it!
[long pause]
Okay, but you gotta make us partners.
Call yourselves Vice Presidents if you wish, just bring me those Talismans! [the restaurant bill is placed on the table, which Valmont hands to the Enforcers]
FRFinn, Ratso, & Chow
Hey!
[after Jackie destroys the Talismans]
Jackie... you blew them up!
[sigh] It is finally over... [is cuffed by Uncle] Ow!
Not over. It is just beginning.
Talismans can be destroyed, but the powers they contain cannot. The magic has been set free, scattered to the winds, which means Daolon Wong will try to find them.
You mean Jackie just started the Talisman Hunt all over again? Cool!
Bu- But where did the magic go?
With no vessels to contain them, the powers will return to their owners; the twelve animals of the Chinese Zodiac.
Hello? The Chinese Zodiac is way ancient. Those animals are history!
As such, the Talisman magic will be drawn to noble animals, those most worthy of their regal ancestors; twelve living creatures, each about to receive an extraordinary gift.
That thing about making us partners? Don't worry about it.
If I were employing you, I would fire you!
[steps from behind a corner] You three! I require your assistance.
...So what's the gig pay?
[Daolon Wong chants an incantation which transforms Finn, Ratso, and Chow into Dark Chi Warriors]
Bow before me, Dark Chi warriors.
Finn don't bow to no- [Daolon forces them to bow using Chi magic]
You are no longer mortal men, but powerful servants enslaved to do my bidding.
Now see here! Finn, Ratso, and Chow are my servants, and I will thank you not to- [Daolon Wong traps Valmont in the ground up to his neck] AH! Hey!
[detects a Talisman power] Ah, it would seem good fortune is mine, for one of the Talisman powers remains near. Come my warriors. [transports himself away]
Where'd he go? [the Dark Enforcers are transported away, leaving Valmont behind]
Wait! You can't just leave me here! Release me at once!
