Blaine DeBeers quotes from IZombie

Blaine DeBeers

I take it Peyton knows all about Team Z.

Liv Moore

Nobody calls it that. Stop trying to make Team Z a thing.

Blaine DeBeers

I saw things at that boat party. Things that still haunt me. I spent a couple weeks shivering in a dark room, and I decided it was a sign that I needed a change.

Stacey Boss

A sign, huh? You think God was so desperate for you to change your ways that he slaughtered all those innocent people to make a point?

Blaine DeBeers

Well, we're talking about the same guy that thought Noah's Ark was a solid plan

These brains, man. You handed me a Holocaust survivor. Do you want me to describe some of my visions to you?

Blaine DeBeers

She was a classical violinist. Go out and impress some ladies.

Blaine DeBeers

Bad news, brother. Today is the last day of your life. So you better get straight with your God, 'cause here comes the big one. You comfy in there? I ask, because it's where you're going to be spending eternity. But because I'm a forgiving man, I'm willing to let you decide which way you go out. There's quick and painless, a bullet straight to the heart. I know, a head shot would be quicker, but that brain of yours is gonna fetch a pretty penny. Or... we turn you into a zombie and we bury you in this box, where you will suffer forever with an abiding hunger for brains that you will never sate.

Major Lilywhite

Wait. What do you want to know?

Blaine DeBeers

Well, it's obvious there's a leak in my organization. I mean, how else are you finding my zombies? Give me a name, and we'll go the quick route. Scout's honor. Otherwise it is... express train to Zombieland.

[on the television] To my dear friend, Frieda Bader, who has served me loyally for 35 years, I leave $10 million and the Lake Como estate.

Blaine DeBeers

And why not? She only starved your son to punish him for tracking in mud. Gave away his dog when he was caught shoplifting bubblegum.

And you still believe that, shedding barking mutt was given away. You never wondered why the rose bush in the south garden grew so fast and full?

Major Lilywhite

I was given a list. Three hundred names, all suspected zombies, all connoisseurs of fake tans, hair dye and hot sauce. My job was to figure out which ones were zombies and which ones weren't, and get rid of the ones that are. I was told that if I didn't do it, they would take out every single person on the list, and they would start with Liv.

Blaine DeBeers

Oh. Who's the 'they'? Let me know who's making you do this.

Major Lilywhite

No.

Blaine DeBeers

You must have a pair on you the size of watermelons.

Major Lilywhite

If I told you, you have no reason to keep me alive. And aren't you a little bit interested to know if you're on their list?

Blaine DeBeers

Maybe a few more hours in the dark will make that quick death more appealing. Close him up. I'm not going to miss you.

Still the insolent boy.

Blaine DeBeers

I blame my upbringing. Clearly, I wasn't beaten enough as a child.

It remains my greatest regret.

Blaine DeBeers

Really? So you're over losing out to Eva Braun, huh?

Don Everhart

[Don E. singing] Happy birthday to you, Blaine / I think this gift will make good...

Blaine DeBeers

It's not my birthday, Don E!

Don Everhart

...Brain!

Blaine DeBeers

What do you think of my latest business venture? Your girlfriend gives it her old zombie stamp of approval.

Major Lilywhite

Liv doesn't...

Blaine DeBeers

No, she's totally down with me getting my brains from people that don't need them anymore. We're BFF's now. Who else is gonna feed Seattle's zombies? At least until you kill them all, right?

Major Lilywhite

I'm not killing...

Blaine DeBeers

Shhh, the lying to save your life section comes later.

Blaine DeBeers

Don E. How soon could you have a grave dug?

Don Everhart

I have plans, actually. [Blaine remains silent] A few hours.

Blaine DeBeers

Well, let's get 'er done.

Blaine DeBeers

Uh, Major.

Major Lilywhite

Yeah?

Blaine DeBeers

I know where you live. I know where Liv, um, lives. Give me my dad or things are gonna get ugly fast, okay?

Blaine DeBeers

I'm gonna need my dad back. God, do I miss that man. [Blaine tries to cry] Nope. Can't do it. You need me to show you a photo, or?

Major Lilywhite

No, I have no doubt which one is your dad. Imperious, fancy dresser, owns a bust of himself.

Blaine DeBeers

[Blaine smiles] That's the guy!

Blaine DeBeers

[Blaine made-up to look and sound like an old man] Daddy? You've come back to us. After 50 years of praying, here you are. You missed it all. The Zombie Apocalypse, the Rapture, the Ginger Rapture, the Great Floods of '28 and '44.

Blaine? Is that you?

Blaine DeBeers

Quick! We've got to get you out of here before Dr. Zaiua catches us! You see, winter is coming!

Major Lilywhite

My handlers don't care which zombie I take out next as long as I make my way steadily down my list.

Blaine DeBeers

And they have you freeze them?

Major Lilywhite

They think I'm killing them.

Blaine DeBeers

Killing sounds easier.

Major Lilywhite

Yeah, except I'm not a murderer.

Blaine DeBeers

I bet you tell that to all the families grieving for their loved ones.

Blaine DeBeers

You might remember Chief? You had him shot in the face. Oh, and Candy. You tortured her, cut off her fingers. Have fun, you guys. Come find me when he's ready to make a new will. Oh, and avoid the face. We wanna leave him camera-ready.

[Blaine heads upstairs leaving Angus to the zombie Chief and zombie Candy] Blaine. Son!