Blaine DeBeers quotes from IZombie

Blaine DeBeers

Hey. Hey. Hey. It's the FBI, man. They've got a crush on me. They've got it in their head that I'm the Chaos Killer. You're gonna have to leave here the same way you came in, back of a hearse.

Blaine DeBeers

(to Angus) Someone should teach you how to humble brag. People might hate you less.

Blaine DeBeers

I guess someone's gotta make an obligatory popsicle joke, right? No? When did it get so highbrow in here?

Blaine DeBeers

Oh! They're so cute when they're sleeping.

Blaine DeBeers

Oh, look. A hole. Someone could fall in there.

Blaine DeBeers

I should go change before I start writing poems about the moors. I imagine my cheeks could use a little color, as well.

Blaine DeBeers

Brains. Brains. The magical food. The more you eat, the more less brood.

Blaine DeBeers

Look, I get that you work here at the brain automat, but for the rest of us, meaning me, procuring brains is kind of a massive undertaking. So I was hoping, from time to time, you might be so inclined as to help a brother out.

Liv Moore

[long stare, then finally] Okay.

Blaine DeBeers

Jeez, that pause was like a year!

Dibs!

Blaine DeBeers

No, Julien will handle delivery.

Ah, come on.

Blaine DeBeers

You do not purge your bowels in the powder room of a man with a helicopter pad in his backyard.

You squealed? That's rude, man!

Blaine DeBeers

In the future, remember that I like my information the same way you like your brains.

Unconditional?

Blaine DeBeers

Fresh.

Blaine DeBeers

I don't need this right now, you guys. I'm under enough stress as it is. Especially with the Health Inspector showing up twice in as many months.

The Health Inspector came back around?

Yeah, you should've seen this guy. Came in here looking like a catalog model. Was trying to flirt with me. Thinks I'm going to melt because he's got blue eyes and broad shoulders.

Did he have good hair?

Blaine DeBeers

What is this bizarre segue that's happening right now?

Blaine DeBeers

[to Major in the deep freeze] This has got to suck. So I've been doing a bit of online research trying to figure out how long you'll survive in here before body parts start falling off, and guess what I discovered? Most of the pertinent data comes courtesy of the Nazis. Yeah. Those Nazis. Great minds, huh? They wanted to know if there was something in Russian genetics that allowed those commie bastards to survive Stalingrad winters. Spoiler alert, there wasn't. Turns out we all freeze to death roughly the same way. But I digress. The point is, they kept meticulous notes. And thanks to those notes, I can keep you in here alive and suffering as long as I want. As long as it takes to get the information I need.

Major Lilywhite

[shivering] Why are you doing this?

Blaine DeBeers

Daddy issues. Megalomania. Greed. Wow, that felt really good to get off my chest.

Blaine DeBeers

What a waste. All this sound and fury. And for what? Nothing. I've got friends in high places. Tomorrow's headline, 'Crackpot shoots up butcher shop'. Kill my crew, I'll make more. Kill my customers, I'll make more. You cost me money. I'll make -

Liv Moore

Make more now, bitch.

Liv Moore

Oh, the humanity.

Blaine DeBeers

[Blaine chuckles] You see anything you like? [surrounded by coffins] It's so rare the dead get to choose. I got one with a breakaway lid that's a real-time saver for today's zombie looking to make that classic-hand-shooting-up-through-the-dirt big entrance.

Blaine DeBeers

I'm curious. Why? Why are you still suiting up for Team Z? The uniform sucks. Morale is, let's be honest, consistently low. Don't tell me you've actually developed a taste for brains. [Liv remains silent] Hold the phone! You dig it. You get off on being a hero, don't you? [Blaine begins imitating actor, Jimmy Stewart] Oh, would you... Would you look at that. That's a... That's a crime-solving zombie. Roger, get in here! Why, she's a credit to her species. Why can't they all be like her?

Liv Moore

[Blaine laughs] It's not a choice.