Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti quotes from IZombie

Liv Moore

Night watchmen brain. Wonder what fresh hell this is going to be.

Ravi Chakrabarti

In cricket, a night watchmen is a low-order batsman moved up in an effort to maintain the strike till the end... [Liv turns on the bone saw] Funny girl.

Liv Moore

As the ranking zombie on-site, shouldn't I get veto-power over their names? I'm kind of over your whole Star Wars theme. Why don't we name these guys after the '86 Celtics?

Ravi Chakrabarti

As in Celtic F.C., from Glasgow?

Liv Moore

As in Boston Celtics. Bird, Mchale, Parrish.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Then, no. I don't have the foggiest idea who those guys are. And neither will you in a few days. We'll just be standing here trying to remember why we're calling a rat Bird. [Ravi talks down to one of the rats, Ravi then smacks his lips] Isn't that right, Boba Ratt?

Liv Moore

So, what? He turned off the cameras so his killer couldn't be identified? Think how easy it would be if there was video footage.

Ravi Chakrabarti

And the killer could have been wearing a t-shirt that inexplicably had his name and addresses written across his chest.

Liv Moore

And the address was, like, right across from the police station.

Ravi Chakrabarti

And the killer's just waiting calmly, already handcuffed, just sort of reciting his Miranda rights to himself.

Liv Moore

That would be so great. Now what are we going to do?

Clive Babineaux

[hesitates] I guess we earn our paychecks.

Blaine DeBeers

[singing the Cure] I don't care if Monday's blue / Tuesday's gray and Wednesday too / Thursday I don't care about you / It's Friday I'm in love

Ravi Chakrabarti

To what do I owe the pleasure?

Blaine DeBeers

Come on. The Cure? I don't know why I bother.

Ravi Chakrabarti

The cure won't be ready for a while, yet.

Liv Moore

We've been pulling bullets out of Mr. Cole all day. We heard you were inches away.

Clive Babineaux

Yards away. Nothing heroic about not getting shot.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Well, did you soil yourself?

Clive Babineaux

No.

Ravi Chakrabarti

[Ravi smiles] Then it's heroic in my book.

Peyton Charles

(as Liv and Major kiss) Wait, wait, wait, is this happening?

Liv Moore

It's happening.

Peyton Charles

About damn time.

Ravi Chakrabarti

But it won't always be this nauseating, right?

Major Lilywhite

Suffer, bitch.

Liv Moore

I've got that lucky feeling tonight, Doc. Give me some good news on the safe sex research.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Oh, nothing certain yet, though I have proven that when you purchase boxes of every brand of condom available at once, the lady at the drugstore counter looks at you funny.

Ravi Chakrabarti

[as Liv hums] Did you and Major have sex?

Liv Moore

Whoa. Aren't Brits supposed to be repressed? What would Judi Dench say?

Ravi Chakrabarti

She'd say we don't know a lot about the sexual transmission of zombie-ism.

Clive Babineaux

Is that a balloon animal?

Ravi Chakrabarti

[Ravi smiles] Ah, yeah, clown college. Uh, I'm available for parties.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Are you decent?

Liv Moore

[under the blankets together] Decent enough.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Tell me you haven't had sex yet.

Major Lilywhite

Seems like a question you could've asked outside the door.

Liv Moore

What kind of name is Syd Wicked?

Clive Babineaux

Stage name. He's a magician. You don't dress like that unless you do magic or you hate your parents. Apparently there's some big magician convention happening at this hotel all week.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Of course! PrestoFest. How did I miss that? I'm on the mailing list.

Clive Babineaux

So how many magicians come to this?

Ravi Chakrabarti

PrestoFest every year? Oh, upwards of 200. Then you have your semi-professionals, your weekend wizards, and the occasional hypnotist. 'PrestoFest, come for the illusions and stay for the sleight of ha... '

Clive Babineaux

Looks like we're going to be interviewing a whole lot of magicians. Sometimes I really hate this job.

Death. Most of us live in constant fear that at any moment, death will wrench us into an eternal darkness. But I have stared Death right in his face and he blinked first. Mark that. I'll use that for the intro for my closer.

Ravi Chakrabarti

What showmanship. The world has lost a storyteller.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Syd Wicked. I want to change my name to something cool like that. What do you think of Rick Bang?

Liv Moore

I think Rick Bang lives in a one-bedroom apartment in the San Fernando Valley and gets paid to do it on camera.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Ow. Well, Steph told me how to figure out my porn name. Sadly, it's Polly Cripplegate.

Liv Moore

Okay. Have you thought of a card? Do you see it?

Ravi Chakrabarti

[Liv does the magic trick, as Ravi gasps] The 10 of clubs is missing. Where did it go, you witch?

Liv Moore

Ah! The 10 of clovers. A clover needs a dark space to take root. A place as dark as a closed casket buried six feet under.

Ravi Chakrabarti

That's dark.

Liv Moore

Or, a man's back pocket.

Ravi Chakrabarti

[Ravi gasps when finding the card in his back pocket] This is the best brain ever! I almost want to start killing magicians so it never ends.