Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti quotes from IZombie

Ravi Chakrabarti

Can we just talk about you being a zombie? Brain-eating, being undead, these are things you can discuss at length with me. But I can't give you the Girlfriend Experience.

Liv Moore

I don't think that means what you think it means.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Do you think this is how Oppenheimer felt staring down at the A-bomb?

Liv Moore

Like a drama queen? Or are you talking about his need for self-aggrandizement?

Liv Moore

Straight talk? I don't think you and Peyton work. True, you like a challenge and Peyton is certainly that, but she dates guys you'd find in a "most eligible bachelors on the planet" catalog, if such a thing existed.

Ravi Chakrabarti

And you don't think I'd be featured in the pages of Hunks Quarterly?

Liv Moore

Ravi, she's a lawyer who looks like Victoria's Secret model.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Liv, I'm a tall doctor with fantastic hair and a British accent. But to hear you tell it, she's out of my league. I mean, I don't even need to be this attractive. It's just icing. Besides, Peyton and I, we had a moment.

Liv Moore

I'm sure that's how it seemed, but I've known Peyton since college, and literally, every man who's ever met her thought that they had a moment. I've been a witness to all those poor guys who liked a challenge. I've watched them approach her table, full of hope. I've seen her turn them into dust. She's been asked out so much, she doesn't bother with niceties. Just trying to help.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Thank you. You know, I, uh, I rescind all inquiries into the subject. You know, I'm a grown man who knows a moment when he experiences one. Oh, and my "distant parents"? They're fairly certain I put the moon in the sky. This brain you're on? She's a bit of an arse. Thanks for the straight talk.

Clive Babineaux

Do you have time to look at a couple of Youtube tutorials?

Ravi Chakrabarti

Of failed twerking tutorials? Yes.

Liv Moore

But no one lip-syncing to Frozen.

Ravi Chakrabarti

I, uh, I taught him a trick. See, when I raise my hand like so and says, "Prance, zombie," he sort of rears up on his little hind legs and prances about.

Liv Moore

Really?

Ravi Chakrabarti

Yeah. I also taught him to declaim Hamlet soliloquies. He holds a tiny skull. It's quite something. We're doing Fallon tomorrow.

Liv Moore

Shut up.

Liv Moore

I haven't been an alcoholic that long, but I can tell you that the only time I woke up before 10 am was when Peyton needed to use the toilet I was passed on.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Thank you for the mental image.

Liv Moore

I heard about this missing girl. She went to my old high school. My brother Evan's a junior there.

Clive Babineaux

Did he know her?

Liv Moore

Only in the way that every boy knows the prettiest girl in high school.

Ravi Chakrabarti

So, from afar, yet intimately.

Clive Babineaux

I'm really gonna need a hand with this, so let me know when things get extrasensory.

Ravi Chakrabarti

[Clive walks off as Ravi whispers to Liv] Well, I hope you like Jäger bombs and homoerotic subtext.

Clive Babineaux

[Clive calls Liv] Can you meet me upstairs?

Liv Moore

Yes.

Ravi Chakrabarti

[Liv turns, burps, and walks forward] And so it begins...

Ravi Chakrabarti

I know you can't fully control your actions when you're on a brain, but I really need you to try and rein in the bro. We would be in serious trouble if someone came in and saw how you arranged the medical skeletons. And this, this is unacceptable. What if someone came in to identify their loved one and the medical examiner had "fart" written on his forehead? It isn't funny.

Liv Moore

It's pretty funny.

Ravi Chakrabarti

It really isn't.

Liv Moore

It kinda is.

Ravi Chakrabarti

I can assure you it isn't funny.

Liv Moore

Hey, later-later, like Friday, I was thinking we could all grab a drink after work, maybe get a bite to eat? I mean, if you guys are free. It's just been a while since we got together.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Friday's tricky, yeah. I've been seeing Stephanie. You know, the girl I met at the club. Been seeing a lot of her, actually. She's trying to get Friday night off work so she can fix me a home-cooked meal. Turns out, right, she's got this whole Martha Stewart side to her. Which, combined with her raw honesty and lack of intellectual pretense is giving me a sense of emotional intimacy I've not felt in a long time, you know?

Clive Babineaux

Can't. Busy. (leaves)

Ravi Chakrabarti

God, I thought he'd never shut up.

Liv Moore

I am literally going through hell. Do you even care?

Ravi Chakrabarti

Okay, you've literally forgotten the meaning of the word "Literally."

Liv Moore

It's not my fault! All my friends are cold-hearted bitches, and that includes the men. Why is everyone abandoning me? Why? [Liv throws her bag down and sits on the couch] I'm sorry. I just really need a pinot and some salty chocolate right now.

Ravi Chakrabarti

I'm confused. Is this a Seattle morgue or a Milan catwalk?

Liv Moore

You like? It's my roommate's. I literally had nothing to wear until she gave me a free pass to raid her closet. I thought this was a good look for work, because I wear this dress like someone's paying me to.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Oh, as I do with this.

Ravi Chakrabarti

What? What's with the face?

Liv Moore

[nervously] I'm sweating like a ten dollar whore on nickel-night. What if my voice cracks? What if, in the middle of my song, some redneck shouts out, 'Show us your hooters!' and I go into full-on zombie mode?

Ravi Chakrabarti

Oh, 'if, if, if.' If a bullfrog had wings it wouldn't bump its bum when it jumps.

Clive Babineaux

Mike Hayden, night security guard.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Shot through the heart. And who's to blame? [doesn't get a response] No Bon Jovi fans here.

Liv Moore

[Liv talks with her mouth full] Mmm. Oh, my God.

Ravi Chakrabarti

Nothing more primal than a zombie craving brains.