What the hell is this? Why are there chickens everywhere?
No time to explain it to you, you wouldn't get it anyway.
Look, it's a new sign, okay? "Carmine's: a Place for Steaks".
What- no! I can't have you put that sign up, the health inspector's coming, like, any minute.
So wha-? So we're not Carmine's! Look, I can't have them see the sign.
Who gives a shit? We always get a passing grade.
Yeah, we get a passing grade because I bust my ass to make sure that happens! Okay, and we don't pretend we're a restaurant! Look, this is fucking crazy, no signs!
No, we're using the sign, because the sign's a big part of the plan.
What is the plan?! What is happening?!
Charlie, we found a loophole in the system.
Yeah, it's a closing loophole, it involves airline miles and points.
You're doing a chicken and airline miles scam today?!
Look, it is a great plan, okay? We do not have a ton of time to explain it to you, we're busy.
Okay, fine, whatever, I get it. I get it.
It's a good plan, Charlie.
Frank, Jesus Christ, man! Where are your shoes?!
I lost 'em in the bathroom.
Okay. Dee, get the joke stool in the basement, all right? Can't have it out.
What? No way. It's hilarious.
It's not hilarious, it's just a stool with a nail sticking out of it.
Yeah, and when it pokes their butts, they scream, 'cause they just got a nail right in the butt. I... you- you don't understand comedy at all.
You don't understand comedy! That's not a joke, it's a lawsuit! Just put it in the basement, okay?
What's wrong with the toilet? Looks clogged. What the hell? I just had these all in, like, perfect working condition.
Your shoes? What are you talking about?
Well, when I said I lost my shoes, I didn't mean I didn't know where they were. It's just that they were gone.
You flushed your shoes down the toilet? Why would you do that?
It's an anxiety thing, Charlie. Everybody's moving so fast all of a sudden, it freaks me out. Flushing things gives me control. It's a thing.
Excuse me, with all due respect, Charlie, you don't even know what the goddamn plan is.
Okay, okay, with all due respect to you, I think I understand it fully, okay? You guys used Frank's credit card, you bought a bunch of airline miles. You used those airline miles to purchase 400 steaks. Knowing that this delivery company delivered all variety of animal products, your plan was to contaminate the steaks with chicken feathers by rubbing live chickens all over them. Then you were gonna repackage the steaks, at which point, you were gonna return the contaminated steaks for actual cash, taking advantage of a loophole in the current airline miles system, correct?
That was the plan, but I mean... you know, we basically had already explained it to you, so...
Right, but what you didn't plan for was a hungry delivery guy who'd driven here all the way from Ohio, or that Dee's oversized fingers could've accidentally pressed "zero" again when she ordered the steaks online - I'm assuming you did the typing, Dee, yes?
But none of this matters to me, okay? Because today is inspection day. A day that I pride myself on, a day that I've never failed on, and I don't plan to begin failing now! So listen to me, and listen close like you've never done before: we are going to pull this thing off, so help... me... god.
Oh, no, he wants a turkey burger.
I don't know. I offered it to him.
You said pretend we're a restaurant--he looked like a turkey burger kind of guy.
He looks like a turkey burger kind of guy?! Oh, my God, Dee, just put it on the furnace, okay, cook it up. Tell him you got the order wrong, just tell him you got the thing wrong. Oh, my God, what a stupid bitch. What a stupid bitch she is.
