It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia · Season 9, Episode 3
“The Gang Tries Desperately to Win an Award” · Season 9, Episode 3
In this episode: Mac McDonald (4), Dennis Reynolds (3), Sweet Dee Reynolds (3), Charlie Kelly (2)
Hey, I'm Mac. Welcome to Paddy's Pub. I would like to recommend to first-timers our signature blended drink, Caribbean Paradise. People say it's better than an orgasm.
Not that he's ever had one.
I've had orgasms! I've had tons of orgasms! I've had one with your mom, dude! I will strangle you, I'll stick my goddamn thumb through your eye!
Hi, can I get a drink?
Hey, I'm Mac. Welcome to Paddy's Pub. I like to recommend to our first timers our signature cocktail, Caribbean Paradise. Some people say it's better than bustin' a nut.
Excuse me?
Bustin' a nut. It's like, uh, you know, blowin' your load.
Oh, God.
He said it was a funny joke. [pointing to Dennis]
Well, no... Hold on.
Yeah, it's like coming all over you. It's light, it's playful.
Yeah, well, no, I think what my friend is trying to refer to is an orgasm, which is light and playful, but he overstepped himself and got a little bit too specific.
Sorry. We jizz in the drink and that's what makes it light.
No, no, nobody's jizzing on anything.
Well, where do I jizz?
You don't jizz.
How can, how can I orgasm if I don't jizz?
No, ma'am, I think what...
Just tell me where I jizz so I can give this lady her drink.
Ma'am, what would you like to drink? And we won't jizz on anything.
Not like Mac's ever had an orgasm. [Laughs]
Holy shit, you're late.
She was late.
Go back in your light.
got it! I got it! Got what? The Best Song. I wrote the Best Song. It's amazing. Get with the program.
Yes, Charlie, please. We're all clamoring to hear.
Whoa, they say "The world's your oyster" Ma'am, but oysters ain't for me. You're the belle of the ball But you ain't my cup of tea. They always vote you best in Show But this doggie disagrees. 'Cause I like life In Paddy's Pub...There's a place for me It's the place I go Where the beer is cheap, and the lights are low It's Paddy's Pub. I like Paddy's Pub. Let the record show The greatest place to go Is that bar called Paddy's Pub. [Harmonica playing]. I like life at Paddy's Pub.
[Sigh]
What's wrong, Dee? Oh, nothing. Let me guess-- boyfriend troubles? This guy doesn't know what he's got. He's really ugly, too.
I'm sorry, are you talking to me?
Yeah. I said her boyfriend's ugly. Pay attention, bozo.
Okay, he's not ugly, all right? That wouldn't make any sense. That's-that... He's not ugly.
Dude's a total tool, too.
You know what he's not? He's not covered in stupid tattoos and he doesn't have a cigarette for a mother.
[Chokes Dee] What?! Don't talk shit about my mom!
Attention, attention, everybody. I got a little ditty about Paddy's Pub. I'm-a siiiing it!
Charlie's doing the song. The song was light. The song was light. That'll lighten things up. Do the song, dude, do the song.
Please enjoy this song.
There is a spider, spider Spider. He's deep in my soul, soul. He's lived here for years Years. He just won't let go. He's laying around. He's got a mean bite. Now he's ready To fight...And stand up for what he knows...I don't need your trophies or your gold I just want to tell you all Go fuck yourselves...
[laughing] Oh, shit.
Go fuck yourselves...[spits] Ooh, wah-ooh...
Is he spitting? Is he spitting? Oh, he's spitting at them. Is that the sign?
That's the sign. Spit! Spit! [The Gang spits on the crowd]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
