TV show quotes
Sam and Connie have disagreed very publicly in theatre about the type of operation that a patient should have. Connie has ordered Sam to leave the theatre.]
[to Paul Rose] I don't think Mr Strachan's methods of getting his own way have changed since he was six.
[Flirting with Kyla by means of bad jokes.]
Okay, so, this surgeon goes into a pub with a slab of tarmac under his arm, and says “Beer please, and one for the road.” …’Cause he’s got a bit of road.
So…a Consultant, a Registrar, an SHO and a Scotsman go into a pub. And the barman says -
- What is this, some kinda joke?
Ta da. Well that’s it, you’ve heard both my jokes now… So you’ll have to tell me one.
Um. Well there was this surgeon, and there was this nurse.
And the surgeon, he’s, um, bit of an idiot, tells really bad jokes?
They are pretty bad, yeah.
But the nurse… is really beautiful?
I dunno about that.
Oh, I think so. What's the punch line?
There isn’t one… Yet.
I'm dying for a bacon butty.
You? A bacon butty?
Yes, I do take the silver spoon out of my mouth once in a while to enjoy a good fry up.
[Without any prior warning, Ric has just announced that he is about to take a sabbatical so he can work in Uganda for a few months.]
Did you know anything about this?
Mid-life crisis.
Huh! He usually gets married.
Well, this is probably cheaper!
I did an operation I shouldn’t have. I destroyed the notes…now I need to find some notes so that Clifford thinks everything was above board.
What?
If I’m caught that’s me finished, no two ways about it, I’ll be struck off. Sued, jailed… probably a stint in the stocks as well.
You killed someone?
Apparently worse. You know Pete Golding, we admitted this morning?
Mm.
I gave him a pig’s kidney. To, ah, keep him alive and off dialysis.
You did what?
You wanted to know.
Are you insane? A pig’s kidney? A pig’s kidney, that’s -
- I had no alternative.
How about not giving him a pig’s kidney?
I just love men with muscles and a six-pack.
I just love men, me.
That's what I meant really. I just pretend to be discerning.
[Speaking to Diane.]
There are five things I admire in a doctor. Colaboration, courage, skill, integrity and an hour glass figure. Four out of five's not bad!
[Playing a slightly inebriated game of mini-golf while discussing song lyrics.]
Really really really wanna zig-a-zig… ahhhh.
Now that's what I call girl power!
[Watching Matt from a distance.]
The last person I saw standing like that was Julian Clary.
He’s not gay!
Has he made a pass at you?
No.
I rest my case.
You are such an ass sometimes.
Fifty quid says he is.
Done.
Okay, now you’ve got to prove it.
He’s not gay, I know he’s not!
You’ve slept with him you tart! I wanna see pictures of this.
Of course I haven't.
Oh don’t be so offended, you Sam Strachan girl you.
What if I got a third female party to verify he’d made a pass at them? Would that do?
Okay, but I still wanna see pictures!
[Discussing Joseph's questioning by the police.]
Come on Faye, dish the dirt…
What about?
Squeaky clean Joseph Byrne being beaten with rubber hoses as we speak!
[Connie is operating in Ric's operating theatre which is smaller than her own.]
I don't know how you work in this shoebox.
It's not so bad.
Really? By whose standards?
Well, you see, we leave our egos at the door - that way, there's more room.
[Discussing Diane's dislike of Jac.]
You two ever thought about mud wrestling?
Why is it she thinks she's got Lord Byrne wrapped around her little finger?
They're having wild sex when we're not looking.
Actually, they were getting on terribly well after the tele-surgery at the hotel.
No, he's 70 odd. I think a spell to put lead back in pencils is beyond even Miss Naylor.
Oh, I dunno, she's such a witch.
You think Lord Byrne would stoop that low?
Maybe not.
Listen, ah, Friday morning, I, ah, got a golf tournament, you couldn't cover me could you?
What's my reward?
Wild. Unlimited. Sex.
[Shakes her head.]
With me, not with Lord Byrne.
Still no.
I keep seeing dead people.
Is that people you know or just general dead people?
[Connie is heavily pregnant, but she is adamant that she will be the one to perform life-saving surgery on Lola.]
You're here to observe, Mrs Beauchamp, until Mr Hope arrives.
Ridiculous rule! My pregnancy wasn't a problem yesterday. Today I'm deemed unfit!
But you can't get close enough to the patient in your condition, Mrs Beauchamp. The Trust is thinking of you and Dr. Griffin.
A large stomach doesn't seem to hamper Mr. Hope!
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