Let a broad find out she can get away with busting your chops and it's "goodnight nurse."
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
One might argue that a DJ and a junkie are not worlds apart on the evolutionary ladder.
[watching lustily after the chicken heart LaRue picks up from the butcher] What are you going to do with it, LaRue? I mean, after you're finished snookering Benedetto?
What do you mean, "what am I going to do with it?"
Best thing is to boil it. And you grind it into a pate, you stuff blintzes in it…I'm telling you, you never tasted anything so good!
What, do I look like some kind of urban cannibal here? That's Buddy Gennett's heart – a human being!
[to Benedetto] You almost got my partner killed, you fat grease ball! We got a date coming! You put it on the calendar!
I, uh, thought we might have lunch today.
You're on.
How's noon?
I'll make a reservation at the Galley.
I was thinking more about room service.
You know there are fathers, and then there are fathers. As it stands right now, my little girl isn't going to have any kind of father at all.
Fay.
I'd consider it an honor if you'd be her godfather. I mean if you could be there for her when she needs someone to look up to. 'Cause I gotta tell you honestly, I can't think of another man in the world I would prefer her looking up to than you, Mr. Philip Freemason Esterhaus.
LRLa Rue
Once upon a time there was a down-and-out property clerk named Iggy Mursky. Poor Iggy. Fourteen years in the Midtown property cage and all he’s holdin’ is sixteen and a half G’s a year, zero career promos, house and car payments that leave him about eight bucks a week walkin’ around money, and an old lady buggin’ him for cable TV.
IIggy
Leave my family out of this.
Shh!
LRLa Rue
Poor Iggy! All he’s got to look forward to is a two-bit pension and a first-rate mid-life crisis. Till one day—everything changes! A heavy soda bust.
Very heavy.
LRLa Rue
Twenty pounds of Peruvian flake is stashed in an airline travel bag in Iggy’s property room. Now let’s give Iggy the benefit of the doubt. ‘Kay, let’s say he’s mindin’ his own business. He’s got his nose buried in the morning sports, he’s having his Danish and coffee, when hark! And behold! He hears a voice! Psst! Iiiiiggy! What is that? Iggy wonders. Hey! Dummy! Over here! It’s me! The bag!
IIggy
This guy needs professional help.
LRLa Rue
I’m a poc-ket-ful of dreams, Iggy. Pure Peruvian flake worth four hundred G’s on the open market! Now this is a fairy tale, huh? Let’s say Iggy fights it off. I mean, ‘cause you didn’t offer us a bribe before, right, Iggy? You ain’t that kind of guy. Iiiiigggy! Listen to me! They’ll never need me for evidence! Hey, they’ll plea-bargain my case—it’ll never come to trial. Stuff me full of baking soda, Iggy! Sell off the coke! Live it up for a change! Beaches! Mai tais with them little funny umbrellas. I’m your one chance for happiness, Iggy. Go for it!
IIggy
Come on, cut it out.
LRLa Rue
Only trouble is, Iggy, they don’t plea-bargain the case. They set a date for the preliminary hearing. Now you’re gettin’ real nervous. Then Washington and Benedetto need some scenery for a bust. They check the bag out. It’s perfect, Iggy. It’s your out. You tip Simone off, to queer the bust. You hire that scuzzbag Jimmy Fermento to take down the cops and nobody’ll ever know you made the switch. Except we pop your boy Jimmy. He’s a nickel hooker. He gives you up in about a minute and a half. That was my partner you had hit, you little creep, my partner. Two inches lower, he’d be dead now.
IIggy
I didn’t have anybody hit. God, what do you think I am?
LRLa Rue
I think you’re a slug who better make his best deal right now.
IIggy
You act like I’m some—some mastermind. Like I’m a big cheese. I got three lousy grand. It was all Benedetto.
LRLa Rue
Benedetto?
IIggy
He figured out the whole thing, from the start. Benedetto.
My sun is rising considerably further to the east these days, Henry.
Buffalo?
She's Vietnamese.
No kidding? Where'd you meet her?
Uh, at my Confucian studies seminar. I have bursitis.
[egging on Benedetto, who is threatening suicide] C'mon, Benedetto! Do the right thing and pull the trigger!
What do you know about this horse over here?
CKThe Cisco Kid
[wearing a western outfit, a sombrero and carrying a saddle] How should I know anything about a horse?
[wearing riot gear, facing a group of looters] Just because there's a power failure, doesn't mean the laws are canceled.
What can I do for you?
Get a divorce and marry me?
Vincent Kirby: Who's that? Some faggot?
ABArt Bradley
Yeah, the one that's going to put you away.
SDr. Stuart
So, officer Bates... you come here often?
[Lucy's look indicates she's in no mood for flirting]
SDr. Stuart
What happened?
I knocked this kid out with my ribs.
Yeah, just like my grandpapa used to say: "You put your shoes in the oven, but that don't make 'em biscuits."
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hill Street Blues pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.