TV show quotes
[Helga is watching as Lila and Arnold spend time together]
The worst part is, I did this to myself! If only I had left what I wrote on the wall, if only I wasn't so gutless, maybe Arnold would be cosying up to me, instead of that Little Miss Perfect phony Lila.
How about the Muave Avenger?
We are not calling our go-cart, the Muave Avenger. [Scene changes] I can't believe we called our go-cart the Muave Avenger.
Hey, when do I get to drive?
You get to drive, uh... NEVER!
[Eugene has come in second.]
But we didn't win.
But I didn't crash!
But we didn't win.
[looking through a photo album] Heh Heh Heh, there’s Gertie rolling me in honey and staking me on top of an ant hill. [Arnold is seen walking up the stairs] That mischievous, pigtailed little imp. Oh mercy.
Hey Grandpa.
Why, if it isn’t young Arnold home from his day at school. How come you’re all covered in paint?
Helga poured it on me. So I poured some on her.
[stands up] What! Oh my word, you’ve snapped Arnold! You’ve turned into some kind of vicious, paint-pouring thug. [Arnold rolls eyes] I don’t know what to think about you any more. Why didn’t you follow your instincts like I told you?
I did Grandpa.
I wasn't talking about those instincts. I meant your good ones.
I know, Grandpa. I feel terrible. What should I do?
Well, you may be stuck with this girl for a long time, you better try and make peace.
Yeah, I'm gonna call Helga and apologize.
Hey, Helga, it's your little friend, Alfred, on the phone!
Arnold? Calling me? At my house?
Yeah, yeah, Arnold. Whatever. Anyway, he's on the phone for you!
Oh, Arnold! So kind, so just, so moral! [is twirling around while the telephone cord is wrapping around her] You couldn't help but return to the ways I know and love. [she sighs and falls to the floor with a loud thump, Big Bob hears the fall from downstairs]
Helga?? Are you there??
[Helga is on the floor wrapped in her telephone cord]
[sarcastically] Yeah, yeah! An agreement sounds great. Have my people call your people and we'll draw up the papers! Yeah, in your dreams, Football Head! Like I'm ever going to agree with you about anything! And don't ever call me at my house ever again! EVER! [sighs and Big Bob opens her bedroom door and looks down to her confused, Helga looks up at him and laughs sheepishly]
I'm not even gonna ask... [leaves her room]
This is gonna be great.
He's sure gonna be surprised.
Hey, guys, what are you doing here?
[giggles] We're all gonna moon Principal Wartz.
It was Harold's brilliant idea.
Want to do it with us?
I do not think so.
Oh, come on, it's fun.
It's all the rage.
All the Junior High Kids are doing it.
It sounds great, guys, but I think I'll pass.
Oh, you're just a chicken.
I am not chicken, Harold. It's just not such a good idea.
That's because you are a weenie. You don't have the guts, is all.
Yeah, you just don't have the guts.
No guts at all.
It's not that, I just...
Shh, shh. [heard Principal Wartz coming out of his office] Here he comes. Get ready on three. [Harold, Stinky, and Sid put on some masks and turn around] One...
Are you really gonna go through this?
Shh! Two... [they unzip and grab their pants, Principal Wartz walks down the hallway] Three! [everyone except Arnold bends over]
What the — What is this? [puts on his glasses and sees Harold, Stinky, and Sid mooning him] Oh, my! Whoa! [Harold, Stinky, and Sid pull up their pants, and run down the hallway laughing] Come back here, ya hooligans! [Harold, Stinky, and Sid ran out of the school and Principal Wartz was panting] You won't get away with this. [to Arnold] You there! Where do you think you are going, Young Man?
But, Principal Wartz, I told you, I didn't do anything.
Well, that, maybe, but you saw the hooligans who did do it.
Yeah.
Aha! Now we're getting somewhere. Just give me their names. Last name, first.
I can't do that.
This isn't a joke, Young Man. Do you think exposing portions of your anatomy to your School Principal is funny?
Well, I guess it depends...
Depends on what?
The situation.
Mooning is not funny. It's not a game! You may think it's a harmless schoolyard prank, but let me assure you, it is NOT! Someone could put an eye out. (Someone could lose an eye.)
Because of mooning.
I'll ask the questions here. Now, for the last time, you tell me the names of the boys who exposed themselves.
I can't do that, Principal Wartz.
Of course you can. It's easy.
If I told you, then, I'd be ratting on the other guys. And I can't do that.
I'm assigning you detention.
Detention? But why?
Failure to cooperate. I want to see you every day after school, in my office for the next four weeks.
Four weeks, but, sir, I...
That is all for now. [calls someone on the phone he picked up] Now, what is the name of our Art Teacher? Mrs. Flaunt, yes. Ask her to come in here, please, would you? And tell her to bring her sketch pad.
Hey, Arnold. You didn't tell on us, did you?
No, I didn't tell.
What did Wartz do to you?
He gave me four weeks detention.
Four weeks?
But you didn't even do anything.
I know, Stinky.
You better not rat on us, Arnold! 'Cause you know what will happen if you do!
I won't tell.
You think maybe it ain't fair for Arnold to take the blame for what we did?
You mean like, maybe we should go tell Wartz that we're the ones who mooned him, and get Arnold off the hook.
[jumps out of frustration] No, no, no! Arnold got caught; that's his fault, not ours. We got away with what we did, and that is all that counts. Nobody is going into Wartz's office and telling him what we did. Nobody! You got it?
I guess there's no sense in all three of us getting detention.
Hmm. I guess you're right, Harold. You figure he'll crack and spill the beans?
[on the phone] Four weeks? That's hard time, Bubba.
He said he'd let me off the hook, if I tell him who mooned him.
So, you're going to do it?
No.
Why not? After all, you didn't do anything.
If Harold, Sid and Stinky want to tell Wartz what they did, that's their decision, but I'm not going to tell him. I'm not a rat.
Man, that's solid. I mean it's stupid, but it's solid.
See you, Gerald. [hangs up the phone] [sighs deeply]
Students, yesterday, at approximately 3:38 P.M., a heinous crime was committed here in the Halls of P.S. 118. Three of our pupils engaged in a flagrant violation of district rules: namely, the dropping of their trousers and exposing of their fleshy unmentionables to a respected and beloved school official. Some of you may know this despicable practice as "mooning." Well, let me assure you, the culprits will be uncovered! I will get to the bottom of this! That is all.
What if he finds out we did it?
He won't find out if nobody tells him...
No, no, the Third Mooner had a rounder, fuller posterior with a mole on his right cheek. Very nice. Very nice, that's much better, Mrs. Flaunt. Now, Albert...
It's Arnold.
Right, right. Look, Arnold, I know you are not a bad kid. You'd keep saying you didn't actually display your end region to me, but those other three boys did. Can we agree on that?
Okay.
Good, okay. Now that we're on the same side of the fence on that point, let me pose this question to you: "What is the harm in just letting me know the names of the boys?"
Well, it's just that I...
You could just let them slip out, or whisper them to me, or we can play a guessing game until I got the answers.
No. I can't tell you.
Why?
I am not a rat.
Young Man, I must warn you that unless you'd play ball and tell me the names of the hooligans who exposed themselves to me, I will be forced to take note of your lack of cooperation, and write it down for all eyes and ears to see on your Permanent Record.
I reckon this will go on his permanent record.
I don't know if I could take the pressure.
What do you bet he cracks and rats us all out?
Don't worry. Arnold's not a snitch. He won't rat.
I don't know, Harold...
I'm telling you, he won't rat! [to Arnold] Did you rat?
No, Harold, I didn't rat.
Well, you'd better not, 'cause if you do, you know what will happen.
You'll pound me.
That's right, I'll pound you.
Yeah, right.
I will, Arnold. You can believe me! [stutters] You know what, I'll pound you so good that you'll be sorry!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hey Arnold! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
