Angel Dust quotes from Hazbin Hotel

[gasp] Son?

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Hello- [Charlie slams the door then opens it again] -o!

Charlie

Uh, Vaggie, the radio demon is here? What should I do?

Angel Dust

Uh, who?

Well- don't let him in!

[Charlie opens the door again]

May I speak now?

Charlie

You may.

[Alastor barges in, enthusiastically shaking hands with Charlie]

Alastor! Pleasure to be meeting you sweetheart, quite a pleasure! Excuse my sudden visit, but I saw your fiasco in the picture show, and I just couldn't resist! What a performance! Why, I haven't been that entertained since the stock-market crash of 1929! [laughs] So many orphans.

[Vaggie gets in front of Alastor, pointing a spear at him]

Stop right there! I know your game. And I am not gonna let you hurt anyone here! You pompous, cheesy, edgo-shitlord.

[Alastor laughs this off, lowering the spear]

Dear, if I wanted to hurt anyone here, [stares] I would have done so already.

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And what can you do, my effeminate fellow?

Angel Dust

I can suck your dick.

Ha! No.

Angel Dust

Your loss.

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Angel Dust

If Freaky-Face over there is so powerful, why can't he just make people stay here?

Oh, trust me, I can.

Why do ya think I'm here? You don't actually think I'd be here scrubbing bottles and listening to you fucks bitch and moan all the time if he [Alastor] wasn't forcing me?

NNifty

I like being forced.

Keep that to yourself, Nif.

Angel Dust

What, you don't like being here with me, Whiskers?

Call me Whiskers again, and I'll jam that bottle down your throat.

Angel Dust

Kinky. Come on, keep talking dirty.

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Angel Dust

So, how'd it go?

[sighs] Not a single recruit.

Angel Dust

Yeah, well, who'd want ta not use their last days fucking an' fightin'?

Well, hello, my dear- Waitwaitwait, I come in peace!

What are you doing here?!

Vaggie, what's the problem- [gasps] Oh! Hello again!

I didn't come looking for a fight. I, uh, I heard that you're helping people. People who want...to be better?

You heard right! Welcome to our home of healing, our resort of restoration, our-

Angel Dust

Are you fuckin' nuts? This chump was tryin' to kill us, like, literally six hours ago. And now you wanna bring him in here, to live with us?

Absolutely! This place is about second chances. And who deserves one more than this...slithery... slippery... special little man?

Angel Dust

[to Vaggie] Aren't you supposed to protect this place?

[sighs] I... guess he's not much of a threat without the war machine or even with the war machine.

Ohh, thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou! Sir Pentious, welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!

Ohh, no, darling, thank you. You won't regret this.

Angel Dust

I give ya a week, tops.

So- this is the bar, and the bartender. This is the curtain, and this is the new wall, after you broke the last one, hehe. And, oh, this is-

Babe, you don't have to show him every detail.

Sorry, I'm just so excited to have our first real guest.

Angel Dust

Uh, what the Hell am I, then?

Well, you're an important part of our family here, Angel. But, you, erm, uh...

Constantly make us look bad, sexually harrass the staff, and have literally never once tried to improve.

What she means is, it's just nice to have someone interested, for once. Over here, we have our maid, Niffty.

NNiffty

Ooo, the bad boy is back. Never leave me again.

We're about 80% sure she's harmless. And over here, we have- Oh! Uh, Alastor, our gracious facility manager. You've met our newest guest, Sir Pentious? [laughs]

Ah, yes. You're the one who ruined my coat. I definitely remember you now.

Well, I guess this is a great time for your first lesson. Ahem: How To Apologize. The first step to becoming a better person, is to admit when you are wrong. Why don't you give it a try?

Yes, um... Mr., um, Radio Demon, sir. Please forgive me for attacking you and ruining your very lovely coat. Um... here. [hands Alastor the shred of coat he tore off previously]

Oho. Not many people have been able to take even this much off of me. It must have meant quite a lot to you. [he incinerates it]

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Angel Dust

[groans] I need a drink. The hardest you can make.

You look like shit.

Angel Dust

Not possible. Just a long shoot. [drinks] I said a strong one.

Excuse me. Didn't realize this was a drink-to-forget kind of night.

Angel Dust

Oh I forgot. You're the "wise old bartender who's seen it all". Get the fuck over yourself and pour me a real drink.

Look. If you've got a problem, you're not gonna find the answer at the bottom of a bottle. I should know, I've been looking there a long time.

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You just let people drug you all the time?

Angel Dust

You think I ask for it? I don't ask for any of this shit! I didn't ask to be this way! I didn't ask for Charlie to save me, I didn't ask for you to save me. I can handle myself.

Really? Because I just saw someone self-destructing. It seems like, I don't know, you might need a bartender to talk to.

Angel Dust

Oh, so now you're gonna act like you give a shit about me? You think after how you treated me, I'm gonna open up to you? Please.

Maybe I'd treat you better if you were real and not some bullshit version of yourself, always pushin' my boundaries. Lemme tell ya, nobody in that hotel cares who you are. How famous, how hot, so you might as well just cut the act.

Angel Dust

It's not an act! It's who I need to be! [gestures to the bars and clubs around them] And this? This is my escape! Where I can forget about it all, how much I hate everything. A place where I can get high and not have to think about how much it hurts. And maybe, if I can ruin myself enough in the process, if I end up broken, I won't be his favorite toy anymore and maybe he'll let me go.

I was an Overlord once, you know. Yeah. And it was nice to have that power. But when you're dealin' in souls while also being a gambler, the stakes are pretty high. And losing a few hands, can be more than a little dangerous. So when you're down on your luck, you turn to anything to keep you afloat. Even makin' deals yourself. So I' know what it's like to regret the choices made and knowing you can't take it back.