Vaggie quotes from Hazbin Hotel

Hello- [Charlie slams the door then opens it again] -o!

Charlie

Uh, Vaggie, the radio demon is here? What should I do?

Uh, who?

Vaggie

Well- don't let him in!

[Charlie opens the door again]

May I speak now?

Charlie

You may.

[Alastor barges in, enthusiastically shaking hands with Charlie]

Alastor! Pleasure to be meeting you sweetheart, quite a pleasure! Excuse my sudden visit, but I saw your fiasco in the picture show, and I just couldn't resist! What a performance! Why, I haven't been that entertained since the stock-market crash of 1929! [laughs] So many orphans.

[Vaggie gets in front of Alastor, pointing a spear at him]

Vaggie

Stop right there! I know your game. And I am not gonna let you hurt anyone here! You pompous, cheesy, edgo-shitlord.

[Alastor laughs this off, lowering the spear]

Dear, if I wanted to hurt anyone here, [stares] I would have done so already.

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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So, how'd it go?

Vaggie

[sighs] Not a single recruit.

Yeah, well, who'd want ta not use their last days fucking an' fightin'?

Well, hello, my dear- Waitwaitwait, I come in peace!

Vaggie

What are you doing here?!

Vaggie, what's the problem- [gasps] Oh! Hello again!

I didn't come looking for a fight. I, uh, I heard that you're helping people. People who want...to be better?

You heard right! Welcome to our home of healing, our resort of restoration, our-

Are you fuckin' nuts? This chump was tryin' to kill us, like, literally six hours ago. And now you wanna bring him in here, to live with us?

Absolutely! This place is about second chances. And who deserves one more than this...slithery... slippery... special little man?

[to Vaggie] Aren't you supposed to protect this place?

Vaggie

[sighs] I... guess he's not much of a threat without the war machine or even with the war machine.

Ohh, thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou! Sir Pentious, welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!

Ohh, no, darling, thank you. You won't regret this.

I give ya a week, tops.

So- this is the bar, and the bartender. This is the curtain, and this is the new wall, after you broke the last one, hehe. And, oh, this is-

Vaggie

Babe, you don't have to show him every detail.

Sorry, I'm just so excited to have our first real guest.

Uh, what the Hell am I, then?

Well, you're an important part of our family here, Angel. But, you, erm, uh...

Vaggie

Constantly make us look bad, sexually harrass the staff, and have literally never once tried to improve.

What she means is, it's just nice to have someone interested, for once. Over here, we have our maid, Niffty.

NNiffty

Ooo, the bad boy is back. Never leave me again.

We're about 80% sure she's harmless. And over here, we have- Oh! Uh, Alastor, our gracious facility manager. You've met our newest guest, Sir Pentious? [laughs]

Ah, yes. You're the one who ruined my coat. I definitely remember you now.

Well, I guess this is a great time for your first lesson. Ahem: How To Apologize. The first step to becoming a better person, is to admit when you are wrong. Why don't you give it a try?

Yes, um... Mr., um, Radio Demon, sir. Please forgive me for attacking you and ruining your very lovely coat. Um... here. [hands Alastor the shred of coat he tore off previously]