Steve McGarrett quotes from Hawaii Five-0

Steve

Wade, ready for pickup in 60 seconds.

Copy that.

Steve

[looks at her] You okay?

Doris

Do you realize what you just did? [Steve flashes her the microfiche she actually saw him burn] Wha...?

Steve

You see that? All those magic tricks you showed me as a kid-- you thought I wasn't paying attention. [sees her smile] You're welcome.

Doris

[laughs and sighs] Son, let's go home.

Wo Fat

Thank you for coming, Commander.

McGarrett

Don't flatter yourself. I was coming even if you hadn't asked.

Wo Fat

Yes. You want to know why your mother paid me a visit. I can answer that. But first, you're going to do something for me.

McGarrett

And what's that?

Wo Fat

You're going to get me out of here.

McGarrett

Oh. Is that so? [startled at explosion and automatic gunfire] You set me up?

Wo Fat

Yes, but not in the way you think. They're not here to break me out. They're here to kill me. And you're the only one who can protect me from them.

McGarrett

From who? Who are "they"?

Wo Fat

Coach is even worse than I imagined.

Steve

Why don't you cut the crap? I just saved your life. Now, tell me, why did my mother come and visit you in prison?

Wo Fat

She came to apologize.

Steve

Apologize for what?

Wo Fat

For killing my father.

Steve

You killed her husband-- my father-- and then you hunted her for 20 years. Why would my mother ever apologize to you?

Wo Fat

That is a question only she can answer.

Steve

I was afraid you were going to say that.

Wo Fat

[calls out McGarrett as he leaves] What are you doing, Steve? What do you think you're going to find? The truth? You don't want to know the truth!

Danny

Beautiful, huh?

Steve

Looks nice. [grabs the keys from Danny and gets into the driver's seat]

Danny

What are you doing?

Steve

Let's go.

Danny

That sounds good. You're not gonna let me drive my new car? [no response from Steve, gets into the car] You're a real jerk, you know that?

Danny

You're grinding the thing. Would you please?!

Steve

[interrupts] I'm not grinding the thing. What are you talking about? This thing is an animal. Let me tell you about Zero to 60 in under five. Under five, okay?

Danny

Mm-hmm.

Steve

Corners like it's stuck to the road. It's a dream. I love this car.

Danny

Are you enjoying yourself?

Steve

I am. [smirks at Danny] I am.

Danny

You see, that is why you will never see it coming, pal. You are complacent, okay? You need to fortify your position. At all times, at all times, you need to protect your queen like, uh, chess.

Steve

No, not like in chess, Danny. In chess, the queen is a fighting piece, and you use her to protect the king.

Danny

What are you talking about?

Steve

Okay, okay. It was a metaphor.

Danny

It was a metaphor for you losing the best thing that ever happened to you.

Steve

You nervous about today?

Catherine

I just can't believe after so many years, today's the last day that I'm going to be putting on a uniform.

Steve

Look, I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you it's an easy transition, because it's not, okay? But you're gonna be fine. I mean, you should be excited. This is, uh It's like a new chapter in your life. It's-it's the beginning of an adventure.

Catherine

Are you sure it doesn't bother you?

Steve

What?

Catherine

Billy being my new boss?

Steve

Why, because he's your ex? No, it doesn't bother me.I'm fine.

Catherine

You're lying.

Steve

Totally lying. Well, of course I'm lying. Look, I trust you, okay? That's all I need.

Danny

Law of nature says that if you take a boy rabbit, and you take a girl rabbit, and you put 'em into a cage together over a long period of time, what do you think is going to happen?

Steve

Are you real––are you really doing it? Are you really gonna compare Billy and Catherine to rabbits?

Danny

We're all animals.

Steve

We're not rabbits.

Danny

But we are animals, and this is my point. It is a fact, after these long nights, long, hardworking nights, bad Chinese food, law of nature says, these two people are going to have a moment

Steve

A moment?

Danny

A moment.

Steve

A moment.

Danny

A moment where they look at each other in the eye, and bing, just like that, everything comes back. All those old feelings and you're gonna have nobody else to blame but yourself, because you let her take a job with her ex-boyfriend.

Steve

[introducing Jerry to Catherine] This is Jerry-- he is our special consultant.

Danny

Yeah, Roswell division.

Catherine

It's nice to meet you, Jerry, I'm Catherine. Uh, why don't you guys come this way?

Jerry

[whispers to Danny] She'll do.

Danny

Oh, no, no, no, listen, her, uh, boyfriend is a complete animal. You want to stay away from that one, trust me.

Steve

What, did I miss something? I mean, the music just went all sad.

Danny

That's because that's how the filmmakers want you to feel. Sad. See?

Steve

Well, no, this is supposed to be a romantic comedy. This is neither romantic nor funny. I don't understand what's happening.

Danny

Weddings, I tell you, every time. It's a bad idea. You got dysfunctional family members. Bunch of bitter friends. And they're all fueled by an open bar. Something terrible is bound to happen.

Steve

And you wonder why you're divorced.

Steve

Let me ask you a question then. If Gabby asked you to put your career on hold and move to Denver, would you do that?

Danny

No, I wouldn't do that. But I got a daughter who lives here. It's not the same thing.

Steve

Plus you'd miss me too much.

Danny

Plus I'd miss you too much.

Steve

There you go.

Steve

I don't know how I feel about allocating Five-0 resources to a private security job.

Catherine

Okay. Um, remind me again how many satellites I have repositioned for you over the years. Hmm? [grins] You owe me.

Steve

[smiles] Okay, okay, okay. Relax. Come on, I'll log you in! [shows her the Five-0 screen]

Danny

It's a violation however you look at it. The sanctity of my home has been violated.

Steve

It's toilet paper, Danny. It's a couple of kids having fun on Halloween. What's the big deal?

Danny

The big deal is, in my opinion, this is how most decent kids turn to a life of corruption.

Steve

[looks at Danny in disbelief] Excuse me?

Danny

Yeah. TP-ing is a gateway crime. Ok? It starts with toilet paper and then next thing you know, armed robbery.

Steve

You know what, Danny, if that's the case, I really hope you catch these hardened criminals and I'm sure it's gonna be a career case for you.

Danny

You're making fun.

Steve

I'm not making fun. I'm serious.

Steve

Hey, let's go.

Danny

No...I, uh...I can't go. Can't do it. Sorry.

Steve

Can't do what?

Danny

I can't do caves or tunnels or cramped spaces, anything where I feel like a rat. I can't.

Steve

[surprised] You're claustrophobic?

Danny

A little bit. Yeah.

Steve

[looks into tunnel and then at Danny] Ok...well, uh...wait here.

Danny

Ok. I'm sorry. I just...I can't.

Steve

[shrugs it off] No...I mean, what are you gonna do right?

Danny

Thanks.

Steve

Hey, Danny. How did it take me four years to learn that about you?

Danny

I don't know. Maybe you don't pay such close attention to me.

Danny

Buddy, listen to me, the way I see it, Mary didn't adopt a kid; you did. All right, 'cause it's only a matter of time before that poor, unfortunate child is looking for some suckling at 3:00 a.m. It's gonna be looking to you.

Steve

No, there's gonna be no suckling, okay?

Danny

No?

Steve

'Cause that baby is going back.

Danny

Oh, you're gonna send it back, what, to the orphanage? With a bunch of other kids that nobody wants? What? Yeah, no, it's a good idea. I mean, it's probably a better idea than leaving it with your sister.

Steve

Wait a minute, I thought you didn't approve?

Danny

I don't approve.

Steve

Okay, whose side are you on then?

Danny

I'm on the side where the kid has a chance of being loved.