Steve[hands Mick a manila envelope] I need a full surveillance package on this target.
MLMick Logan
[takes a photo out of the envelope] Who is she?
Steve
It's my mother.
MMick
[looks up at Steve] Kid, you don't need a P.I., you need a therapist.
Steve
Trust me, she's not your average mom. She's a former government agent. She disappeared from my life 20 years ago because of an assignment, now she's back says she's changed. I don't believe her. She goes dark a few hours every day. She racks up too many miles on the odometer. I want to know what she's up to.
MMick
Well, why come to me? You've got the resources to handle this.
Steve
No, I don't want my people involved. Besides, there's no one better than you at recon and surveillance.
MMick
Full surveillance package means I'm on her 24/7. That's audio, stills, video Good chance I'll see your mother naked.
Steve
[annoyed] Okay, you know, I didn't need to know that.
[Danny and Steve just stopped Kamekona from seeking revenge for the death of his cousin.]
You do this, you're gonna end up in prison, and we do not want that.
Don't give me a puppy-dog sad eyes, please. You're not off the hook.
Steve
You're on house arrest till this I over.
I've got an island to feed, brah.
Okay, then you are on shrimp truck lockdown till otherwise advised. Is that clear?
Like the sweet waters of Hanauma Bay.
Steve
Problem?
Steve
Then why are you staring at me?
You hired somebody to run surveillance on your mother?
Steve
Okay, I know what you're gonna say.
Well, what am I gonna say?
Steve
That hiring somebody to spy on their mother is the act of a crazy person.
Uh, yeah, I would've used different words like, uh, "whack job" or "psychopath". "Crazy" works, though. It works.
Steve
I had no choice, Danny, okay?
Have you ever tried speaking to your mother like a like a human being, like normal people do?
Steve
What am I going to say? "Mom, I know you're running a covert op. What is it?"
[joins Steve on the couch] Well, I can't believe that you passed up my grandmother's ragù for a beef stew MRE.
Steve
I had a craving.
Steve
Can you do me a favor and pass me that canteen behind you there, please? [points to the canteen on Catherine's side]
You know what, I got my camo in the car. If you want, I can throw them on and we can play out this whole "trapped in a foxhole" fantasy thing you got going on right now.
[Steve looks at Catherine for a few seconds and they start making out on the couch.]
[Danny and Steve were arguing about which of Peyton Manning or Tom Brady is the better quarterback of their generation]
Look, I think the takeaway is we're living in the new golden age of quarterbacks. We got Brady, Manning, Rodgers, Brees. It's almost an embarrassment of riches.
Steve
[pauses] That's a deeply insightful analysis.
I just hate to see you two guys fight.
Steve
This isn't fighting.
So let me get this straight. You're telling me people, they pay good money to get chased around and shot at with a pellet gun?
Steve
Everything about these guns is real except for the ammunition they fire. Trust me, those training rounds, they pack more of a punch than you'd think.
I'll take your word for it.
Steve
You know what? We should come and do one of these tactical simulations sometime. It's fantastic for team building.
No, no, no. Listen, working with you is harrowing enough, okay? I do not need you hunting me for sport.
Steve
You're right. It wouldn't be much of a challenge.
Steve
Hey.
Hey. What the, uh, what the hell is this?
What, I can't surprise Steve at work?
No, you can do that. I'm talking about the, uh, the jersey.
Oh, oh, well, we moved around a lot when I was a kid, so you know, I never stayed in one place long enough to get tied to a team.
Oh, so you willingly root for the Dallas Cowboys, huh?
Yeah. Come on. Who doesn't like America's team?
Steve
I-I don't.
Steve
And, uh, if I recall correctly, my Redskins humiliated your Cowboys the last time they played.
That's very cute. You got a Cowboys fan dating a Redskins fan. That's like the Capulets and the Montagues.
(chuckles) That's good. I'm gonna give you an A plus for that literary reference.
Oh, you got that? Thanks. Yeah.
But actually, um, I came here with a peace offering for Steve. See, the NFL hooked up my unit with some tickets for the game tomorrow. So, you and I are going to the Pro Bowl. What? (laughs)
Steve
I'm already going with Danny.
We got 50 yard line seats. Best seats in the house.
Steve
We got them this morning. I'm sorry.
That's... that's cool. Okay. Um, you know what, my seats are-are pretty good. So I'm sure I can find someone else to take it. It's good.
Steve
Yeah.
I'm gonna just let that awkward moment fade out a little bit. We got a bar to go to.
Steve
For a case. We're going to a bar for a case.
Steve
Hey, why don't we do some tailgating before the game together? You and me?
Yeah, I would love that. But I don't want to get in the way of your man-date with Danny.
Steve
It's not a man date.
Steve
Anyway, Kamekona already invited himself, so it's fine; you're not getting in the way. [smirks and kisses Catherine]
Mmm, that's a three-way bromance. Cute.
[Steve is teaching Kamekona how to fly a helicopter using a flight simulator video game at his house]
Ten-year post-parole plan is working out. I got my shave ice, I got my shrimp, and when I officially open Kamekona's Island Tours, that'll be my entrepreneurial peak. Like King Kamehameha landing on Waikiki, I'll rule Oahu.
[Catherine comes back from a surf sporting a bikini. Kamekona and Steve both look at her]
Aw boys and their toys. How cute.
This ain't no toy, sistah.
Steve
That's right. This is the most technologically advanced flight simulator on the market.
Huh. Well, it looks a whole lot like a video game to me.
[Steve and Kamekona turn back to the video game]
SKSteve and Kamekona
[on TV screen, simulator helicopter is about the crash] Oh up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up! What are you doing? Pull up! Pull up! Pull up, up, up, up, - up, up - Oh!
[amused at their reaction] Got two words for you: game over!
Steve
If you crash a helicopter full of paying customers, it's not gonna be good for your tour business. You understand?
I was distracted, brah. Sistah came in dressed like that. How am I supposed to not look?
Aw. Kammy, if you hadn't crashed in the middle of the ocean, I might have taken you out for a drink.
That's the beauty of a flight simulator. When you flame out, just hit restart.
[...]
Steve
[after he gets called to a case, to Cath] I got to go. See you later?
Don't worry. I'll bring her back in one piece.
Steve
Repeat after me: Altitude is my friend.
"Altitude is my friend." Roger that.
Steve
Maybe you'd like to explain to me how your fingerprints ended up on this discarded gas can right by the crime scene.
CCraig
Eye for an eye. It's in the Bible.
So is, "Thou shalt not kill." You skip that chapter or what?
CCraig
Hey, my brother was murdered. What, do you expect me to go back to work?
Steve
No. We expect you to mourn, and then plan a funeral for your brother. Not go out and try burying more people.
[Steve is telling Catherine about Freddie and flashes back to when he had just stopped Freddie from quitting BUD/S training by ringing the chief's bell, then Joe White ordered them to bearcrawl back to barracks in the rain]
Steve
Yeah, it was just me and your old man and a bottle of whiskey. All right, and he opened up to me, started giving me this speech about how a man needs something to believe in, something to fight for. And according to him, there was no greater cause than the United States of America.
FFreddie
He said all that, huh?
Steve
Yeah, he did.
Steve
You know what else he said? He said the proudest moment of his life is when you joined up for SEALs.
[present time]
Steve
They say every BUD/S class has its surprises. Freddie was ours. After that night, he was unstoppable. He became the best student, the toughest soldier, the guy that everybody could depend on. He never, ever gave up.
I think some of it must have rubbed off on you.
What exactly you drinking there?
Steve
That is snake's blood and rice wine.
Steve
It's also an aphrodisiac.
36 hours of lead in your pencil, and doesn't cost $13 a pill.
Steve
You know? That's too much information, Frank.
SWSavannah Walker
Hi Commander McGarrett.
Steve
Hi.
Hi, I understand you were handpicked by the late Governor Jameson, uh, to lead Five-O, and tasked with cleaning up crime on the islands. That's, um, a pretty awesome task.
Steve
[looks uncomfortably at Savannah and then the camera] Uh, I'm sorry, was I supposed to say something back to you?
[speechless] Well, that's how an on-camera interview works. I, um, ask the questions, and then you answer.
[Savannah is sitting at the back of Danny's car as he and Steve are driving to question a suspect]
Okay, let me get this straight-- this is Detective Williams' car, but Commander McGarrett does all the driving?
Steve
It's 'cause I'm the better driver.
He's a control freak. That's why he drives.
Steve
And he's got issues with, uh, the truth.
[looks at Steve] Why don't you tell her about the remote control thing you got?
Steve
What remote control thing?
The thing where you come to my house and you grab the clicker and you got to be in charge and you got to pick which TV station we watch.
Steve
Okay, the way I was brought up...
Steve
[shrugs] ...it's polite to let the guest choose, oh, what you're gonna watch on TV, all right?
Okay. Fair enough. What about having to be first through every single door? Or having the last word every conversation? Or picking where I eat lunch every single day?
Steve
You.
Why? What-what does Emily Post have to say about that? Hmm?
Steve
I mean, you're indecisive. I can't help it if you're indecisive.
I'm not indecisive. You're a control freak.
[to the camera, Steve and Danny continue arguing in the background] These two fight, but really they love each other.
Hawaii Five-0 · 427 quotes
