Steve McGarrett quotes from Hawaii Five-0

Danny

You going to a hip-hop class later or what?

Max

Halloween party. This year I decided to continue my tradition of Keanu-themed costumes by dressing up as Ted "Theodore" Logan from the 1989 classic Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.

Steve

[does a ILY sign] "Party time." [looks at Danny] Excellent.

Danny

No, no, no.

Max

That catchphrase is from Wayne's World. What you are looking for was simply "Excellent" or "Party on, dude," but thank you for the effort.

Steve

Okay, it was very close.

Danny

What's up?

Steve

Heard you went dress shopping.

Danny

That's right.

Steve

There something I should know?

Danny

Something? Yeah, I like to wear dresses. Why do you always go for the cheap shot?

Steve

Subtlety doesn't work with you. A hammer is always best. I'm just hoping you got something with a nice, plunging neckline so you can show off that Chewbacca chest.

Danny

There's a father-daughter dance tonight.

Steve

Oh but you can't dance.

Danny

Sure, I can dance. I just choose not to.

That's a smart move.

Danny

Excuse me?

You forget I saw you dance at my wedding, brah.

Kono

Yeah, the overbite shuffle. I remember. [Chin and Steve chuckle]

Danny

Is everybody done with their cute critiques?

Catherine

Lieutenant Catherine Rollins, assistant to Steve McGarrett. How can I help you?

Steve

[Danny is chuckling in the background] [embarrassed] Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, I can't live without you?

Danny

[whispers to Steve] No, no, she's way too smart to fall for that.

Catherine

You really think I'm gonna fall for that?

Danny

[smirks at Steve] See?

Danny

I cannot miss it.

Steve

You're not gonna miss it.

Danny

Okay, well, don't jinx it.

Steve

How–– I'm not–– I'm not gonna jinx it.

Danny

Okay, well, don't say anything else about it.

Steve

[after an awkward silence] You gonna wear a suit?

Danny

What'd I just say? What did I just say?

Steve

You told me not to talk about the dance. I'm talking about your wardrobe.

Danny

What I choose to wear and tonight's dance are directly related.

Steve

Okay.

Steve

You're his caregiver?

Mary

Yeah, the flight attendant thing didn't work out so well. Steve, listen please. I really think that this could be my true calling. I love taking care of people.

Steve

Well, that's funny, Mary, because you can barely take care of yourself.

[mischievously smacks Mary's behind] We take care of each other. Don't we, doll?

Mary

Morty, do you remember our conversation - about professional boundaries?

Morty

No. Memory's not so good.

Steve

[unamused] How about this, Morty, you touch my sister again like that, I'm gonna break your hand.

[disappointed that Mary isn't with Steve] She's not coming, is she?

Steve

I mean, you can't blame her, Mom. She thought you were dead.

Doris

Where's she staying? [Steve says nothing] Okay. I'll just track her down myself. Acquiring target locations is actually a specialty of mine, so––

Steve

Mom. Mom, Mary's your daughter; she's not a target.

Doris

I'm sorry.

Steve

Look Give her some space, okay? Give her some time. When she's ready, she's gonna come to you.

Doris

And what if that never happens? [Steve's phone rings] Is that her?

Steve

No, no, no, stand down, Mom. It's work.

Doris

[chuckles] Did you just tell me to stand down?

Steve

Affirmative.

Steve

I once saw a boar kill a tiger in India. This is serious business, okay? I'll tell you why. Boars are deadly, unpredictable beasts. They are everywhere on this island. They are all around us right now. They can attack without warning, so you guys have to be ready to protect yourselves at all times. You understand? [the girls nod in fascination] Good. We're gonna talk about the kill zone now. This is very important, okay?

[to Danny] Seriously? "Kill zone"?

Danny

[looks apologetically at Madeline] I am very sorry.

I thought you brought him here to teach them survival skills. You brought Colonel Kurtz.

Danny

Let's, um let's take this opportunity to talk about something else. Um, something useful, like how to find fresh water. Or, uh-- I don't know-- how to build a pillow out of-of flowers, something like that, something appropriate for the age group.

Steve

Yeah, we could definitely do that. Okay. Or Who wants to learn how to do that? [throws his knife into the tree trunk, girls look at him in awe]

Danny

[to Steve] You know what? There's something pathologically wrong with you.

Danny

You know, on the plus side, we've figured out that camping is terrible, as I've always believed.

Steve

Are you kidding me? These girls are never, ever gonna forget this experience.

Danny

Yeah, I'm hoping that they're repressing the memories as we speak.

Steve

[Danny helps him back on his feet] Thanks.

Danny

Yeah, no problem.

Steve

So, how's the arm?

Danny

It also hates camping.

Steve

Hey. Max got an ID yet?

Danny

No, he's still fishing out body parts. I think he's enjoying it, too.

I can't believe that was a person. Crispy.

Danny

Um, I told you my nephew was maybe gonna come visit from Jersey. Well, that happened. Here he is.

[greets Steve] What's up, bro? Call me E-Train.

Danny

[annoyed] Put your hand down, okay? That's not your bro, your name's Eric.

Danny

My sister's worried sick, does not know what to do with him. So she sent him to me, maybe I can, I don't know, scare some sense into him.

Steve

How's that working out?

Danny

He just saw his first dead body and he's still acting like a complete idiot so, I guess I have my work cut out for me.

Danny

Thought nobody wore a tie in Hawaii.

Steve

No, they don't, but, you know, it's a special day, so I thought I'd wear one. 'Course, I'm wearing my dress blues. They'd make me walk the plank if I don't wear a tie with the dress blues.

Danny

How come the blues are black?

Steve

I know they're black; I don't know why.

Danny

Thank you very much for being here-- it means a lot.

Danny

[after Steve gets orders from Governor Denning to investigate a case] Is this official business, or is this a favor?

Steve

What difference does it make?

Danny

Well, it makes a very big difference, you see, because official business is, uh, official. A favor is like a quid pro quo kind of deal, right? You solve this murder case for me, and I will give you, uh, oh, five days' paid vacation. Right? Or tickets to Monster Truck Jam, or whatever.

Steve

Monster Truck Jam's not in town.

Danny

Okay, so then it is, indeed, official business.

Steve

Exactly.

Danny

It seems to me like we're taking a case just to protect the governor's friends.

Steve

We're the governor's task force.

Danny

Then why does it feel like we are performing janitorial services, blindfolded, I might add.

Steve

We've been given a directive, Danny.

Danny

Oh, right, I understand. When McGarrett gets an order, he takes the order. You know what you're like? You're like one of those windup toy soldiers. Let me get you a drum for Christmas to beat.

We just wanted to thank you, Steve.

Steve McGarrett

[shakes John's hand] Dad.

John McGarrett

You're all I could've hoped for in a son, Steven. I'm proud of you.

Danny Williams

Steve, come on!

Steve

Give me a sec! [looks back to officers to see they're gone]