Deborah, it's Dr. Shepherd. Glad I could catch you. It was great that you came by today. Please tell the President that I would be thrilled to accept the post. Yes, absolutely, we can talk more then. I look forward to it. I will see you soon. (He hangs up the phone.)
You don't. I mean, before three months ago, any time I called your house or came over or skyped or whatever, Cristina was there. There's no way you ever slept alone. I mean, you had Derek. And if you didn't have Derek, you had Cristina. I'm guessing if it came down to it, you were, like, the middle spoon in the middle of a very weird spooning situation. I've never met a less alone person than you u...
Ben snores. And he sometimes talks in his sleep. And he's hot. Like a furnace. Like flames shootin' out of him. He's lucky I love him. And he's a resident and hardly home at night. Or he'd be dead.
I miss sleeping with a man in my bed. You know, facing away from each other, barely touching expect for just the arm thrown over your waist. When I'd wake up at night, terrified of... me, I liked knowing he was there and I wasn't by myself.
I cannot sleep with someone lying next to me. Literally cannot. My one serious guy? Dean. Dean just loved to spoon and snuggle, and I would just lie there, staring up silently, counting the seconds until he would fall asleep and I could sneak off to sleep on the sofa. And then I'd sneak back into bed before he woke up in the morning. Yeah, people think that's a cute story. It's not a cute story. That sofa was hard as a rock. I was exhausted. Dean is a really sweet guy. He's tall and kind. Civil rights lawyer. He's funny. So when he proposed, I explained to him about the sleeping. I said, "you know, maybe you could sleep in a room down the hall." I wanted to sleep alone.
I have an entire world to manage, all on my own. My world does not and should not revolve around Derek Shepherd. I wanted to go to D.C. this weekend, but I'm a busy surgeon with two kids at home, and he's at the N.I.H. So right now, we're just going to have to accept that this is the way our lives work. But that doesn't mean we're not happy.
I don't need Derek. I don't need him in my house. I obviously don't need him to prove I can have 89 good outcomes in a row. I'm doing great. My kids are happy. My career is soaring. Derek going to D.C. did exactly what it was supposed to do, which is remind me of who I am outside of my marriage, which, by the way, I'm kind of amazing.
Look, I've watched you two suck face for years. You've disgusted me for a long, long time. He's into you. And if a guy's still into you, it still means he wants to do you. And if he still wants to do you, you're solid.
No, you're mad at Derek. You want to take it out on me, go on. You want to yell and hit and scream 'cause things are hard at home, okay. You want to be a mess, be a mess. I don't care. I can take it.
I am calling post-it. Zola and Bailey and tumors on the walls and ferry boat scrub caps. I thought D.C. was everything. And I was wrong. You... You. You're everything. I love you, and I'm not gonna stop loving you. Meredith, I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you. And I'm gonna do everything in my power to prove it.
Meredith
I can live without you. But I don't want to. I don't ever want to.
You know those very happy, cheerful people who have everything and when the fact that they have everything comes up, they act very humble and they say, "I'm just so blessed." Those people... you want to punch those people in the face.
This morning, I was standing on my porch of my perfect house looking in the window at my amazing, perfect children and my amazing, gorgeous husband, on the way to my amazing job. And I thought to myself, "I have everything I've ever wanted. I am just so blessed."
Not long after I discovered my ex-husband had been e-mailing another woman, we met for breakfast. That was a big breakfast... Stacks of pancakes, eggs, and all kinds of fancy jams he thought would somehow make it okay that he was e-mailing another woman while he was married to me. Hmm. I remember staring at the butter knife I used to spread my fancy jam, and for half a second, imagined what the side of his neck might look like with the butter knife in it. Fancy jams dripping down the side of his fat, e-mail, cheating neck. Yep, I've been that mad.
Meredith
I thought Derek was cheating on me, and I got that mad. "Two trauma surgeons and an orthopod" kind of mad.
You know, cutting off a penis isn't actually that big of a deal. I mean, it's not like he needs it for survival or to think or, like, I don't know, to walk. (they all look at her) What? Hey, it's my leg. And, you know... And for the record, I only thought about maiming you once, Callie, and I told you that the second I thought it.
Okay, then, let's say 5:00. At 5:00 P.M., if you haven't heard from him, you can panic. You can call the police, call the paramedics. You can freak out until your little heart's content. But not one minute before and not in this O.R.
Grey's Anatomy · 1,393 quotes
Meredith
