[opening voice over] They found this guy in Maine who had been living completely alone in the woods for 30 years, they called him the last true hermit. 30 years without the warmth of human touch, without conversation. The hermit felt more lonely when he was out in the world than he ever felt in the woods by himself. Surrounded by people but drowning in solitude.
“The Bed's Too Big Without You” · Season 11, Episode 10
In this episode: Meredith Grey (4), Alex Karev (1), Miranda Bailey (1), Callie Torres (1), Owen Hunt (1), Amelia Shepherd (1), Maggie (1), April Kepner (1)
Hey! I texted you.
Yeah, I saw that. I was busy.
Well, Cristina would've responded. That's not how it works.
Not if she was doing what I was doing.
You pause. That's the rule.
What?
If the text is urgent, Cristina would say to Owen, "pause," and I would say to Derek, "pause," then we'd text each other back.
In the middle of sex?
If the the text is urgent.
The fact you are checking a text while you're doing it is already sad.
We had a special ringtone. Hey, you want a special ringtone?
No. Wait, this pause thing... Like, your legs are in the air and you're screaming and...
Pause.
No, I don't pause. Jo doesn't pause. She fast-forwards and she rewinds, but she doesn't pause.
Okay, that's gross.
(to Jackson and her mother Karen) You are not helping, neither of you. I am standing here, listening to you tell me that God only gives me one choice, and you telling me that I should forgo God's choice. And the truth is, I don't know anything expect that I am scared and sad and I'm alone. You're both just standing there, yelling at each other and talking at me, but I am alone, and it is terrifying! And the louder you get, the more terrified I become, so I just need you both to just shut up! Can you do that? Can you please... Can you please both just shut up?!
He's gone, and I know he's gone. And the bed feels lonely. It's like I don't know how to sleep alone.
You don't. I mean, before three months ago, any time I called your house or came over or skyped or whatever, Cristina was there. There's no way you ever slept alone. I mean, you had Derek. And if you didn't have Derek, you had Cristina. I'm guessing if it came down to it, you were, like, the middle spoon in the middle of a very weird spooning situation. I've never met a less alone person than you u...
Used to be. I have to learn to sleep alone.
Ben snores. And he sometimes talks in his sleep. And he's hot. Like a furnace. Like flames shootin' out of him. He's lucky I love him. And he's a resident and hardly home at night. Or he'd be dead.
I miss sleeping with a man in my bed. You know, facing away from each other, barely touching expect for just the arm thrown over your waist. When I'd wake up at night, terrified of... me, I liked knowing he was there and I wasn't by myself.
I cannot sleep with someone lying next to me. Literally cannot. My one serious guy? Dean. Dean just loved to spoon and snuggle, and I would just lie there, staring up silently, counting the seconds until he would fall asleep and I could sneak off to sleep on the sofa. And then I'd sneak back into bed before he woke up in the morning. Yeah, people think that's a cute story. It's not a cute story. That sofa was hard as a rock. I was exhausted. Dean is a really sweet guy. He's tall and kind. Civil rights lawyer. He's funny. So when he proposed, I explained to him about the sleeping. I said, "you know, maybe you could sleep in a room down the hall." I wanted to sleep alone.
And what happened?
Well, he is now married to someone who loves to spoon and snuggle. And I sleep like a baby every night. I might be too good at being alone.
Maybe I could print a Derek. Just for sleeping.
She was really pretty. The woman. At the bar. With the nice transducers. I'm not ready.
You gotta start sometime.
Owen, the last woman that I kissed in that bar, I ended up marrying.
Well, maybe just take the next one home then.
Uh...
Right?
Shut up. Hey, you're not ready either.
You know, I can't even imagine it. It's sex. Sure, you know, I've gone out and had one-night stands before. But... I don't know. I can't... Something real? I pulled that icicle out of her chest. Hell, I bathed her when she couldn't bathe herself. I can't imagine belonging to anyone like that again.
Have we used up all our happy? You ever afraid of that, that this is all there is now? It's like I had a certain amount of happy that was supposed to last my whole life, and I've used it all up. Do you think that's true?
God, I hope not.
[ending voice over] The last true hermit was found and dragged out of hiding and into the world. Most might find his existence sad but the hermit knew something we didn't. He knew that when it comes down to it, even when you’re with someone or in the noisy rush of people, it’s just you. The one you can count on and lean on and depend on. It has to be you and once you figure that out, being alone becomes a choice.
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