[opening voice over] In 1888, William Williams Keen became one of the first surgeons to successfully remove a brain tumor. A big win. It's true. You can look it up. What's harder to find, however, are stories of all the times old Double Billy K tried to pull a tumor out of a brain and lost. The losses must have happened. A surgeon must always be prepared to lose. And in neurosurgery, with the big tumors. We lose those battles as often as we succeed. The key, though, win or lose, is to never fail. And the only way to fail is not to fight. So you fight until you can't fight anymore. Hold up your head and enter the arena and face the enemy. Fight until you can't fight anymore. Never let go. Never give up. Never run. Never surrender. Fight the good fight. Even when it seems inevitable that you're about to go down swinging.
[ending voice over] Why do we even try, when the barriers are so high and the odds are so low? Why don't we just pack it in and go home? It'd be so, so much easier. It's because in the end there's no glory in easy. No one remembers easy. They remember the blood, and the bones, and the long agonizing fight to the top. And that is how you become legendary.
I moved here to start something, to build a new life. You don't know me... Not really. You don't know where I've been or what I've had to overcome, because you have never had to. You've never lost the love of your life. You have never cried over the body of the person you love most in this world. You... You don't know how that messes a person up. You've never had to claw your way back from that. But I have. I'm still trying to pull myself together, and I am doing the very best that I can, so... Until you've done that, until you've had to walk in my shoes, I need you to cut me some slack... And back the hell off.
[to Meredith, April, Alex, Maggie, and Owen] I don’t know what’s me and what’s tumor talking, but, um... in this moment, I love you people tremendously.
We were in the back of the store. Dad had just given you two pennies. And you always hid them behind the counter in this big crack in the floorboards. You said you were saving them so you could buy a town. And then the two guys came in, we could hear them talking but you weren't paying attention until dad yelled. And you looked up. They had already pulled the gun, and already taken the money… And now they wanted the watch that mom gave him. He wouldn't give it up. It was a gunshot, you lunged forward…
Amelia
I remember, I was trying to get to him but… I couldn't move.
Because I was holding you so tight that you couldn't budge. Put one hand over your mouth so you wouldn't scream and wrapped the other one around you and just held on for dear life. Prayed to God that you'd be quiet and wouldn't say anything. You were so little. I think that's what I've always wanted all these years, you just to stay… little and quiet and safe. But you're not any of those things. You're loud and fearless and that scares the crap out of me. How am I supposed to call you up and tell you that I've been shot? I can't tell you about my pain. I don't want you to know that pain exists. [he hugs her]
Look, I can remove the tumor and the diseased carotid together. All I have to do is run balloon catheters in through the femoral, place them in precise position, inflate them to stop the blood flow, do two arteriotomies, then feed a hepernized shunt into place, and reestablish blood flow.
No, I mean my name is "Dr. Shepherd". You said "Amy" and that makes me sound like some sorority girl tagging along on your brain surgery when, in fact, I am your co-surgeon.
I don't know who I am anymore. Not anybody I ever thought I'd be. I try and make the right choices for Meredith, the kids, you. And, um... I'm angry all the time. I'm miserable, and I don't know what to do with it. All I do is hurt people. The last people I want to hurt, and I just... I just can't get control of it. I don't know what to do anymore.
He's gone, and I know he's gone. And the bed feels lonely. It's like I don't know how to sleep alone.
Amelia
You don't. I mean, before three months ago, any time I called your house or came over or skyped or whatever, Cristina was there. There's no way you ever slept alone. I mean, you had Derek. And if you didn't have Derek, you had Cristina. I'm guessing if it came down to it, you were, like, the middle spoon in the middle of a very weird spooning situation. I've never met a less alone person than you u...
Ben snores. And he sometimes talks in his sleep. And he's hot. Like a furnace. Like flames shootin' out of him. He's lucky I love him. And he's a resident and hardly home at night. Or he'd be dead.
Amelia
I miss sleeping with a man in my bed. You know, facing away from each other, barely touching expect for just the arm thrown over your waist. When I'd wake up at night, terrified of... me, I liked knowing he was there and I wasn't by myself.
I cannot sleep with someone lying next to me. Literally cannot. My one serious guy? Dean. Dean just loved to spoon and snuggle, and I would just lie there, staring up silently, counting the seconds until he would fall asleep and I could sneak off to sleep on the sofa. And then I'd sneak back into bed before he woke up in the morning. Yeah, people think that's a cute story. It's not a cute story. That sofa was hard as a rock. I was exhausted. Dean is a really sweet guy. He's tall and kind. Civil rights lawyer. He's funny. So when he proposed, I explained to him about the sleeping. I said, "you know, maybe you could sleep in a room down the hall." I wanted to sleep alone.
You can talk to me. You're wound pretty tight. I just want you to know you can talk to me.
Amelia
My whole career, I have been the other Dr. Shepherd. He's the real one. I'm the other one. Right now, this plan of mine is theoretical. It's just talk. But at some point, I am going to slice into Dr. Herman's brain, and I have this sick feeling that when I face that tumor, I will discover that I am not just the other Dr. Shepherd... I'm the wrong Dr. Shepherd.
I know. You don't need him. I was just thinking you could, just to have someone to bounce these ideas off of who understands this kind of thing the way that you do, a peer. He might have a suggestion.
Amelia
I do not need my brother! I am not stuck! I am thinking! I am figuring it out! I am right on the edge of figuring it out, of making the breakthrough of a lifetime! I am this close! My genius is flying around this room right now, trying to find a clear path to land on me, but I can't clear the runway for landing because I can't find any quiet because some idiot resident keeps talking to me! (sees Stephanie is hurt.) I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it. I'm tired, and I'm frustrated. I... I am so sorry. I just... This tumor is making me crazy, Edwards.
As bad as you want to get that tumor, that's as bad as I want to watch you get that tumor. You're tired and frustrated and terrified, but guess what. I don't give a damn. You're supposed to be my mentor. You are my mentor. I believe in you, I look up to you, I want to be you. That's an enormous responsibility, so don't call me names. And stop pouting because you don't understand what to do. Be worthy of being believed in, of being looked up to. Or if you can't actually be worthy, if I am actually wasting my time, if there is nothing about you that is special or wise, for God's sake, at least have the decency to pretend that there is. Get it together, Dr. Shepherd.
Grey's Anatomy · 1,393 quotes
Amelia
