Greg the Bunny · Season 1
Alright, how the hell did that happen?
Oh, it's all Jimmy and Greg's fault, blah. They took me to this silly phone bar, and... well, I haven't been with anyone in six years, and Maggie was there, and one thing led to another, and the next thing I know, she's blahing me.
So, apparently, poor Blah has been visiting his wife's grave every day for, like, six years.
Well, in all fairness, it's not like she can go to his place.
My uncle, Dan, was a romantic like this. He used to visit the spot where my aunt was buried all the time. That's how the FBI finally found the body.
...but Alison at the network just hated your "Trust Song," so she's making me fire you.
What? I put my heart and soul into that song.
I know. I know, and it shows, it sh--please. And I quote your song, "May my bones be crushed in moldy dust. If you can't trust, you can't trust, you can't tru-uh-ust me" when I say that I loved your song... Now your office has been cleaned out, boxes are already in your car, so off you go.
This sucks. [storms out]
[Alison enters]
What was that about?
Oh, nothing. The writer of "The Trust Song" just quit.
Oh, really? Oh, I loved that song.
Hey, we all did.
Sometimes we get so attached to things that it becomes hard to move on. Things like old cars... bad relationships... my pet snake who loved to sleep in the driveway.
Oh, Greggy. I can't believe you stood up and defended my honor like that. No man has ever, ever done that for me before. It was so... masculine.
[She kisses him]
Hey, looks like I could use a little fabric softener.
Okay, people. Let's set up for the birthday greetings. I've got a network note here. Susie and Kenny are now Shaniqua and Carlos.
Charlie Sheen creepy, or Charlie Manson creepy?
It was, like, your own brand of creepy.
Wait a minute. Don't--don't tell me that you really go for that... big, dumb, good-looking, you know, working-out, hair-brushing, shaving--
What, have you, like, watched too many sitcoms where the--the quirky underdog who steals the heart of the unattainable woman? This is the real world, my friend.
You and Dottie last night. What happened in the bedroom?
Oh! Oh, well, uh, we bounced around a lot. So much in fact, we broke her bed. And--and then she banged me up against the wall.
Mazel tov, blah.
Uh... so just to be perfectly clear, you actually nailed her?
Yeah, I did. You know, I pulled out my little gun, and I nailed her, like, five times.
Uh, okay. Too much information, blah.
Eh, what's the big deal? I do it to Jimmy all the time.
Yeah, well, I dancered and prancered that vixen, and, man, was I blitzened. Ah, what do ya know. The well's not dry after all.
Ah, looks like our little bunny is now a rabbit, blah.
Oh, come on. He's not like you guys. He's--he's pure, he's innocent.
They just pulled in together.
She schtupped him.
Oh, come on, Blah. You can't leave now.
No, I gotta get home, and, uh, rehearse my lines for tomorrow, blah.
We're doing the alphabet.
Any numbers?
You know who I heard had to sell his house?
Who, blah?
Snuffleupagus.
Snuffy? Come on. He's loaded.
All went up his nose.
But I'm not cool.
Well, then just act like somebody cool. Who's the coolest guy you know?
Abe Lincoln.
That's a great idea, Greg. You get a top hat, you go over to Dottie's house, and then you free the slaves.
Dottie's a fabulous girl, and we all love her. But the problem is... she's too needy.
I like needy. Last year's Christmas party, let's just say she decked my halls, and I gave her a holy night.
Lovely, Warren.
Yeah, we were joyful and triumphant. Pah rum pa pum pum.
Yeah, we get the point.
Ah, good, good, 'cause I'm out of Christmas innuendos... No, wait, uh... she was a heavenly piece.
Come on, they'd never fire Oscar.
No, I read all about it. His shrink put him on Prozac. He stopped being a grouch.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Greg the Bunny pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
