Hi, I'm Dr. Aben Mitchell. To learn more about anti-puppetism in the workplace, please contact your local library or visit us on the web at www.antipuppetismisnolaughingmattertartarsauce.org.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
GGreg
Well, what have you got against puppets?
You love your momma, Greg?
GGreg
Uh, you're not gonna hurt her if I say yes, are you?
OK. Now let's see. Um, Alison. OK, now, you be the puppet customer. Uh, who would like to be the, uh, waiter who abuses Alison?
EEverybody
Me! Me! Me! Me!
But we must all learn to tolerate and even celebrate our differences. Whether you're flesh, fleece, purple, plaid or even Chinese.
GIGuy in Video
So, Fred, did you get that big promotion you deserve?
FFred
No, they gave it to some stupid puppet, just because he was a puppet.
GIGuy in Video
Which puppet did they give it to?
FFred
I don't know. They all look alike. (Edit)
Jack's never gonna find out.
GGreg
Yeah, well, if he does, I'm leaving you my foot for good luck.
You got to admit, Jack. It looks pretty similar.
Oh, I get it. It's another damn puppet conspiracy, like covering up Oscar's mob ties. Come on. We all know who controls sanitation from Fifth Avenue to Sesame Street.
"Greg the Bunny is a filthy stinking sock who should die, blah." You know, people, if you don't put your names on the bottom of the paper, I'm not gonna know who wrote 'em.
That one was mine, blah.
I was kidding. I know it's yours. We're all aware of your ridiculous verbal tic.
Hey, blah me.
See? Anti-puppetism is an extremely sensitive issue, Gil. Especially now during Puppet History Month.
Is it October already?
Can I have everyone's attention, please? We have a problem, and it could very easily turn into a situation.
That's network lingo for, "I've got to cover my ass."
Ho, not in that skirt, baby!
Yeah, well, I'm telling you, that second-rate PBS hack doesn't even eat the cookies, OK? They just crumble up and fall right out of his mouth.
GGreg
Mmm, first sign of bulimia.
You know what I heard? I heard that Bert and Ernie are actually straight.
GGreg
I have to go to the bathroom.
Jimmy, why don't you go with him and make sure he doesn't fall in again.
Yeah, that's exactly what I got my Ph.D. for.
GED. Hey, I'm not some hot chick you're trying to impress at Bennigan's.
GGreg
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Hmm. I don't know, Greg.
GGreg
Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels!
GGreg
So what could've been Jimmy's worst day turned out to be his best. Not just because he got to see that hot girl in her underwear, but because he finally got to see how much his father really does care about him. And me, I got to have a cool adventure in a stolen car with a Goonie! Oh, and as far as Warren was concerned, Corey Feldman finally got what he deserved. And, incidentally, Jimmy's worst day did come the following Tuesday, when my new pal, Corey, gave me a videotape, and I brought it to work.
Corey Feldman--oh, you mean this was a setup?
CGCatholic Girl
No, no, no. I really am a horny, Catholic schoolgirl who just happened to be skinny dipping in your pool on my 18th birthday.
Once again, betrayed by porn.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Greg the Bunny pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.