[comes out in a grass skirt for the party with the natives] Well, Gilligan... How do I look?
Like a bowl of soggy shredded wheat.
Well, Gilligan... Since we're passing around the comments... I've seen whisk brooms that look better than you.
Ha ha.
S2 E1Gilligan's Mother-in-Law
[Native Warrior says something unintelligible to Gilligan]
What's he saying, Professor?
[Native Warrior calls to Professor]
Oh, he just said you first have to pass the Best Man Test.
Best Man Test? What's that?
[Native Warrior holds up six fingers and mimes blowing a small dart]
Poison darts at six paces!
[stands up in boat] Poison darts at six paces?
[leaps overboard, swims ashore, and runs away]
S2 E2Beauty Is as Beauty Does
[while judging the beauty contest] Mr. Howell, are you trying to influence me?
Oh, no, cherish the thought.
S2 E3The Little Dictator
[dream sequence: Gilligan is the ruler of a small country. The Skipper is Secretary of the Navy]
How's my Navy holding up?
Well since you brought it up sir, why don't you come to the window and see for yourself?
RRodriguez
Again?
[Gilligan looks out of window. Stock footage of burning sinking ship rolls]
RRodriguez
Propaganda! Vicious Propaganda!
Are you doing something about that?
Yes sir, we are! We're teaching our sailors how to SWIM!
Good!
And the people on shore are learning mouth-to-mouth resuscitation - without becoming emotionally involved!
RRodriguez
How can you do that?
It ain't easy!
- "This window must face west!"
S2 E4Smile, You're on Mars Camera
There's a space up there, there's a space down there and THERE'S A SPACE BETWEEN YOUR EARS!
- "What are you doing back there, Gilligan? When the camera goes on, they won't be able to see you!"
- "That's what I had in mind"
- "What do you mean?"
- "Well, if I stand in front, the whole world will see me, and if the whole world sees me, that means the United States will see me, and if the United States sees me, that means my hometown will see me, and if my hometown sees me, that means my brother will see me, and if my brother sees me, he'll punch me because I'm wearing his shirt."
[Skipper and The Professor are cleaning up the feathers] Skipper, aren't you being a little hard on poor Gilligan?
Absolutely not, Professor. All of this is his fault with those feathers. I'm just making the punishment fit the crime. What time is it?
[Looks at his watch] Yeah, it's 3 o'clock.
[Yells back to the hut] Gilligan! Gilligan! It's time again!
[the door to the hut opens slowly, and Gilligan shuffles out, with the feathers still on his body, then makes a 90 degree turn, and stops]
[Flapping his arms] Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
[Then turns and shuffles back into the hut as the door slowly closes behind him]
S2 E5The Sweepstakes
[regarding the lost ticket] Let's see... it couldn't be in that tin box buried down at the base of that big palm tree by the lagoon.
I didn't know there was a tin box buried under that tree!
There isn't. That's why it couldn't be there.
S2 E6Quick Before It Sinks
[Sees Gilligan coming back with a lobster trap and the stick the Professor was using] Gilligan, where did you find that stick?
Oh this old stick? I've been using it to tie my lobster trap from.
Oh really? Well that old stick just happens to be the same stick I had been using to measure the water in the lagoon.
[Gulps] I've been putting it out deeper to catch bigger lobsters.
Well, that explains it. The island isn't sinking after all.
Just look at that mess, Gilligan.
It won't take long to clean it up with all three of us.
"All three of us?"
"All three of us?"
Yeah, all three of us. Me, myself, and I.
S2 E7Castaways Pictures Presents
Well, it must be their old abandoned Yacht, and this is silent picture equipment.
I just love those old silent pictures and those marvelous silent picture stars. Oh, look, darling. There's 'Theda Bara' And there's Little 'Mary Pickford' and 'Rudolph Valentino'.
I'd walk out on that picture even on an airplane.
S2 E9Nyet, Nyet, Not Yet
[to the Russian cosmonauts] Gentlemen. I am Thurston Howell III and this of course is my wife, Mrs. Thurston Howell III.
Charmed.
IIgor
Capitalist! Exploiter!
Capitalist. Exploiter. I was wrong Lovey. They're very friendly!
IIgor
We invite them to celebration, drink toast, get them drunk.
IIvan
Igor! Good idea! We got plenty vodka in capsule.
IIgor
Sure! Two Russian men can drink more than four American men.
IIvan
Is only three men.
IIgor
Is four! Is sailor, is teacher, is rich capitalist, is-... Ah, you are right Ivan. Is three men... and one Gilligan!
S2 E10Hi Fi Gilligan
[the cave the castaways sought shelter in just minutes before has been destroyed by a lightning strike]
It's completely destroyed!
[to Gilligan] Little buddy, we came out here to save you, and you saved us!
S2 E12Don't Bug the Mosquitoes
The Mosquitoes left us a note.
They can write?
Apparently...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Gilligan's Island pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.