Professor Roy Hinkley quotes from Gilligan's Island

Professor

Well, we all go through this sort of thing once in a while, Skipper. We don't appreciate what we've got until we lose it.

Professor

Well, that glue is permanent! There's nothing on the island to dissolve it. Why do you know what it would take? It would take a polyester derivative of an organic hydroxide molecule.

Watch your language! You're in the presence of a lady!

Gilligan

[after the raft sinks in the lagoon, and the castaways make it back to shore] Hey Skipper? We sank anyway without the gold.

Skipper

Oh, I'm afraid this is all my fault, folks. Why, I didn't think one bag of gold would sink us.

Two bags.

Three bags.

Ginger

Four bags.

Professor

Five bags.

Mary Ann

Six bags.

Gilligan

[after they all look at him, he scoffs] That's a switch. Usually I'm one left holding the bag.

Professor

[Gilligan & The Professor are digging a hole to bury the statue of Kona] There. That should be deep enough.

Gilligan

Make it a little deeper, Professor. I want to put him down so deep he'll get the bends.

Professor

Gilligan, that statue is not getting out of this hole.

Gilligan

Please make it a little deeper.

Skipper

Aaah! Kona!

Gilligan

Hey Skipper! Watch out for that... [sharp cracking sound] ...tree.

Gilligan

What's he saying, Professor?

Professor

Oh, he just said you first have to pass the Best Man Test.

Gilligan

Best Man Test? What's that?

Professor

Poison darts at six paces!

Gilligan

[stands up in boat] Poison darts at six paces?

Professor

[Skipper and The Professor are cleaning up the feathers] Skipper, aren't you being a little hard on poor Gilligan?

Skipper

Absolutely not, Professor. All of this is his fault with those feathers. I'm just making the punishment fit the crime. What time is it?

Professor

[Looks at his watch] Yeah, it's 3 o'clock.

Skipper

[Yells back to the hut] Gilligan! Gilligan! It's time again!

Gilligan

[Flapping his arms] Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

Professor

[Sees Gilligan coming back with a lobster trap and the stick the Professor was using] Gilligan, where did you find that stick?

Gilligan

Oh this old stick? I've been using it to tie my lobster trap from.

Professor

Oh really? Well that old stick just happens to be the same stick I had been using to measure the water in the lagoon.

Gilligan

[Gulps] I've been putting it out deeper to catch bigger lobsters.

Professor

Well, that explains it. The island isn't sinking after all.

Skipper

Just look at that mess, Gilligan.

Gilligan

It won't take long to clean it up with all three of us.

Skipper

"All three of us?"

Professor

"All three of us?"

Gilligan

Yeah, all three of us. Me, myself, and I.

Professor

Well, it must be their old abandoned Yacht, and this is silent picture equipment.

I just love those old silent pictures and those marvelous silent picture stars. Oh, look, darling. There's 'Theda Bara' And there's Little 'Mary Pickford' and 'Rudolph Valentino'.

Professor

It's completely destroyed!

Skipper

[to Gilligan] Little buddy, we came out here to save you, and you saved us!

Professor

The Mosquitoes left us a note.

They can write?

Professor

Apparently...

Skipper

[During Mary Ann's dream after she thinks she ate some poisonous mushrooms] We've got to prepare for an operation. Where can we find a kitchen table?

Professor

Now just a minute, doctor. We've got to scrub up. Now nurse, where do we go to scrub up?

Ginger

Walk this way, gentlemen.

Skipper

We'll try and walk that way ma'am. but I don't think we'll make it.

Professor

[hears the radio] Wait a minute! Quiet! The announcement, quiet! Quiet!

And now they are activating the robot's receptor spools to see if they can find out how it got to Hawaii. The next voice you hear will be that of the robot.

[mechanically] I have been on a deserted island. The putt breaks to the right.

Well, it was a lucky shot!

[mechanically] Sweep back and forth, back and forth. I was stranded. This is the way we wash our clothes.

Ladies and gentlemen, the scientists from the laboratory are checking to see exactly what went wrong. Perhaps now we can learn the reason the recorded messages are all scrambled... A WHAT?... Ladies and gentlemen, believe it or not, a RABBIT'S FOOT was just found in the robot!

It demagnetized the entire receptor spools. There is now no chance of finding out where the robot has been, who reprogrammed it, or how it got to Hawaii. For that matter, how the rabbit's foot got in there in the first place!

GILLIGAN?

Gilligan

I just thought it'd bring us some luck, ya know?

We are dealing with a super mentality, an enemy with an intelligence far superior to ours.

Professor

Mr. Howell, I shall have to contest your theory.

You contest your commanding general? A man who studied under Robert E. Lee and George Custer?

Skipper

You would pick two losers.

Professor

Now gentlemen, on the one hand there may be nothing to worry about.

Gilligan

Good!

Professor

But on the other hand...

Gilligan

I knew it, it's always the other hand that gets in trouble!

" I have one regret. that I won't live to be one hundred years old."

"Oh, but you will dear. You' be that on Saturday."