Mr. Howell quotes from Gilligan's Island

Sorry we're late, we were used to having our breakfast served in bed by a butler after he's had his breakfast served in bed.

I'd walk out on that picture even on an airplane.

Oh, Shut up, will you Gilligan!

Skipper

You can't tell Gilligan to shut up! I'll tell him when to shut up!

Gilligan

Thanks skipper. Now folks...

Skipper

Shut up, Gilligan!

Professor

Well, that glue is permanent! There's nothing on the island to dissolve it. Why do you know what it would take? It would take a polyester derivative of an organic hydroxide molecule.

Watch your language! You're in the presence of a lady!

Gilligan

[after the raft sinks in the lagoon, and the castaways make it back to shore] Hey Skipper? We sank anyway without the gold.

Skipper

Oh, I'm afraid this is all my fault, folks. Why, I didn't think one bag of gold would sink us.

Two bags.

Three bags.

Ginger

Four bags.

Professor

Five bags.

Mary Ann

Six bags.

Gilligan

[after they all look at him, he scoffs] That's a switch. Usually I'm one left holding the bag.

Gilligan, my boy, I've prepared a dish to titillate even your unsophisticated palate. Behold, la spécialité de la maison.

Gilligan

What is it? It smells like fish stew.

Fish stew? It's a world-famous French recipe -- bouillabaisse.

Gilligan

It sure smells like fish stew!

No, no, no, no, no, it's not fish stew; it's bouillabaisse!

Gilligan

What does bouillabaisse mean in English?

Errr -- fish stew.

Gilligan

[while judging the beauty contest] Mr. Howell, are you trying to influence me?

Oh, no, cherish the thought.

[to the Russian cosmonauts] Gentlemen. I am Thurston Howell III and this of course is my wife, Mrs. Thurston Howell III.

Charmed.

Capitalist! Exploiter!

Capitalist. Exploiter. I was wrong Lovey. They're very friendly!

Professor

The Mosquitoes left us a note.

They can write?

Professor

Apparently...

Mary Ann

Mister Howell, I don't even think she saw me.

Well of course not, she has something in her eye - a man.

Professor

[hears the radio] Wait a minute! Quiet! The announcement, quiet! Quiet!

And now they are activating the robot's receptor spools to see if they can find out how it got to Hawaii. The next voice you hear will be that of the robot.

[mechanically] I have been on a deserted island. The putt breaks to the right.

Well, it was a lucky shot!

[mechanically] Sweep back and forth, back and forth. I was stranded. This is the way we wash our clothes.

Ladies and gentlemen, the scientists from the laboratory are checking to see exactly what went wrong. Perhaps now we can learn the reason the recorded messages are all scrambled... A WHAT?... Ladies and gentlemen, believe it or not, a RABBIT'S FOOT was just found in the robot!

It demagnetized the entire receptor spools. There is now no chance of finding out where the robot has been, who reprogrammed it, or how it got to Hawaii. For that matter, how the rabbit's foot got in there in the first place!

GILLIGAN?

Gilligan

I just thought it'd bring us some luck, ya know?

We are dealing with a super mentality, an enemy with an intelligence far superior to ours.

Professor

Mr. Howell, I shall have to contest your theory.

You contest your commanding general? A man who studied under Robert E. Lee and George Custer?

Skipper

You would pick two losers.

Oh, let him go, Thurston. What's the difference?

Skipper

That's right, Mr. Howell. What's the difference? He can't spend any more of your money even if he is rescued.

Well, he can't, can he? He's wearing my pants and my wallets in the back pocket!

Professor

Now gentlemen, on the one hand there may be nothing to worry about.

Gilligan

Good!

Professor

But on the other hand...

Gilligan

I knew it, it's always the other hand that gets in trouble!

" I have one regret. that I won't live to be one hundred years old."

"Oh, but you will dear. You' be that on Saturday."

Professor

We've been all over this island and were not even sure Lord Beasley has even seen a Pussycat Swallowtail.

Gilligan

Where else can he afford to look?

Good heavens!

Ginger

Looking for a butterfly under the water?

That's what I call a determined man.

Skipper

That's what I call a determined nut!

Skipper

You and your big mouth! [after Gilligan remarks that the only place Beasley hasn't searched the mountain, and Beasley forces them to climb it]