Gilligan quotes from Gilligan&#039;s Island

There's a table in this Navy manual that tells me how much I should weigh.

Gilligan

Maybe it's under "tonnage".

S1 E32 Physical Fatness

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Gilligan, my boy, I've prepared a dish to titillate even your unsophisticated palate. Behold, la spécialité de la maison.

Gilligan

What is it? It smells like fish stew.

Fish stew? It's a world-famous French recipe -- bouillabaisse.

Gilligan

It sure smells like fish stew!

No, no, no, no, no, it's not fish stew; it's bouillabaisse!

Gilligan

What does bouillabaisse mean in English?

Errr -- fish stew.

S1 E32 Physical Fatness

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[comes out in a grass skirt for the party with the natives] Well, Gilligan... How do I look?

Gilligan

Like a bowl of soggy shredded wheat.

Well, Gilligan... Since we're passing around the comments... I've seen whisk brooms that look better than you.

Gilligan

Ha ha.

S2 E1 Gilligan's Mother-in-Law

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[Native Warrior says something unintelligible to Gilligan]

Gilligan

What's he saying, Professor?

[Native Warrior calls to Professor]

Oh, he just said you first have to pass the Best Man Test.

Gilligan

Best Man Test? What's that?

[Native Warrior holds up six fingers and mimes blowing a small dart]

Poison darts at six paces!

Gilligan

[stands up in boat] Poison darts at six paces?

[leaps overboard, swims ashore, and runs away]

S2 E1 Gilligan's Mother-in-Law

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Gilligan

[while judging the beauty contest] Mr. Howell, are you trying to influence me?

Oh, no, cherish the thought.

S2 E2 Beauty Is as Beauty Does

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[dream sequence: Gilligan is the ruler of a small country. The Skipper is Secretary of the Navy]

Gilligan

How's my Navy holding up?

Well since you brought it up sir, why don't you come to the window and see for yourself?

RRodriguez

Again?

[Gilligan looks out of window. Stock footage of burning sinking ship rolls]

RRodriguez

Propaganda! Vicious Propaganda!

Gilligan

Are you doing something about that?

Yes sir, we are! We're teaching our sailors how to SWIM!

Gilligan

Good!

And the people on shore are learning mouth-to-mouth resuscitation - without becoming emotionally involved!

RRodriguez

How can you do that?

It ain't easy!

Gilligan

- "This window must face west!"

S2 E3 The Little Dictator

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There's a space up there, there's a space down there and THERE'S A SPACE BETWEEN YOUR EARS!

- "What are you doing back there, Gilligan? When the camera goes on, they won't be able to see you!"

Gilligan

- "That's what I had in mind"

- "What do you mean?"

Gilligan

- "Well, if I stand in front, the whole world will see me, and if the whole world sees me, that means the United States will see me, and if the United States sees me, that means my hometown will see me, and if my hometown sees me, that means my brother will see me, and if my brother sees me, he'll punch me because I'm wearing his shirt."

S2 E4 Smile, You're on Mars Camera

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[Skipper and The Professor are cleaning up the feathers] Skipper, aren't you being a little hard on poor Gilligan?

Absolutely not, Professor. All of this is his fault with those feathers. I'm just making the punishment fit the crime. What time is it?

[Looks at his watch] Yeah, it's 3 o'clock.

[Yells back to the hut] Gilligan! Gilligan! It's time again!

[the door to the hut opens slowly, and Gilligan shuffles out, with the feathers still on his body, then makes a 90 degree turn, and stops]

Gilligan

[Flapping his arms] Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

[Then turns and shuffles back into the hut as the door slowly closes behind him]

S2 E4 Smile, You're on Mars Camera

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Gilligan

[regarding the lost ticket] Let's see... it couldn't be in that tin box buried down at the base of that big palm tree by the lagoon.

I didn't know there was a tin box buried under that tree!

Gilligan

There isn't. That's why it couldn't be there.

S2 E5 The Sweepstakes

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[Sees Gilligan coming back with a lobster trap and the stick the Professor was using] Gilligan, where did you find that stick?

Gilligan

Oh this old stick? I've been using it to tie my lobster trap from.

Oh really? Well that old stick just happens to be the same stick I had been using to measure the water in the lagoon.

Gilligan

[Gulps] I've been putting it out deeper to catch bigger lobsters.

Well, that explains it. The island isn't sinking after all.

S2 E6 Quick Before It Sinks

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Just look at that mess, Gilligan.

Gilligan

It won't take long to clean it up with all three of us.

"All three of us?"

"All three of us?"

Gilligan

Yeah, all three of us. Me, myself, and I.

S2 E6 Quick Before It Sinks

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Gilligan

Dumb old mine! I'm going to give it a good, swift kick!

Gilligan, don't!

[steps between Gilligan and the mine. Gilligan ends up kicking him]

Oh, my shins!

S2 E14 Mine Hero

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[Ginger tries to distract Gilligan by flirting with him while taking his four-leaf clover medallion off his neck]

Oh well. I guess I don't have what it takes.

Gilligan

[Holding up the medallion] You also don't have what you took, either.

[Shocked, she opens her pocketbook to see it's not in there] Oh Gilligan! You're impossible!

S2 E14 Mine Hero

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I guess it will be a long time before you'll eat another mushroom.

Mary Ann

You can say that again.

I guess it will be a long time... [laughs]

Gilligan

Don't worry about mushrooms anymore, I got a book that tells all about them.

You do?

Gilligan

Huh huh. Yeah, and it's called, "'How to Tell A Mushroom From a Toadstool'" by the late Dr. Morton Kepstone.

SGSkipper' Grumby, Mary Ann Summers

Late?

Gilligan

Late?

S2 E18 The Postman Cometh

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Gilligan

I can't see how you are going to figure out how I read minds by asking me what happened as a kid.

Well, I think I can. Did your father ever beat you?

Gilligan

Yes

He did?

Gilligan

All the time.

And your mother let him?

Gilligan

She used to beat me too.