Bryn quotes from Gavin & Stacey

Bryn

On HTV Wales this morning, they said Cardiff town had been literally decimated by a group of unruly school girls. Joking I am! It wasn't on the news. Although, on the news, there was a story about a group of school girls who actually stabbed a teacher, which I think is disgusting.

I am picking you up at seven. We're going straight down the Dolphin for a right good knees-up. Me cockney sparr-ah!

I've got night mode. Black and white. Use that later, probably, for effect. Er... Sepia, see-pia. I don't know how you say it. Got a feeling it's faulty. Just makes everything go brown.

Bryn

I stand corrected. I'm putting my window up. Ignore me. I'm mister blabbermouth.

He's a lovely looking boy. Not in the conventional sense, like Gavin or Enrique Iglesias, but he's got a lovely spirit. A confidence, if you will, that you rarely find in a fat man.

Bryn

You think they've thought of it all, you think "Where can they go with this next?" and then they hit you with it. I mean mint Baileys! Whatever will they think of next!

Bryn

The truth is, I don't want anyone in this room being raped, myself included.

Six quid for two slices of pizza. They takes the piss, these Cockneys.

This is a nightmare of epic proportions.

Gavin

What's wrong with her?

Smithy

A, how old is it? B, have you seen the tattoo? And three, look at the size of it!

Gavin

Been powdering your nose?

Oh thanks Stace, thanks a lot. Look, let's get one thing straight. I dont touch that shit no more, alright? I did and now I don't. So let that be an end to it!

Smithy

And to top it all off, she's a drug addict.

Stacey

You are coming to this wedding fair, aren't you?

Bryn

I can't wait. I was so excited last night, I couldn't get to sleep till half-past ten!

I can saw the bride in half. I can saw the groom in half. I can saw the best man in half.

Bryn

Can you saw me in half?

What relationship are you to the bride or groom?

Bryn

Bride's uncle.

No.

Bryn

But, hang on! Her father, my brother, he's dead! See?

Oh right. Yeah, well, that does change things.

How long have you known about this?

Gavin

I just found out tonight.

Bullshit!

Gavin

I did.

Mick

He did, we all found out tonight.

Smithy

Oh, right. So, everyone found out before me?

Bryn

No, I found out at the exact same time as you, Smithy.

I bet she knew.

Stacey

I only found out at the wedding!

Smithy

That was over three weeks ago!

Gavin

Oh, come on mate!

Smithy

Don't 'come on' me, mate! This is all your fault!

How?!

Smithy

You and her, ringing each other and texting, arranging to meet up in Leicester Square! (Kicks table and moves to Gavin) I didn't even wanna go that day! If you hadn't dragged me there, none of this would have happened!

It didn't happen that day.

Smithy

What?

It happened at Pam and Mick's.

When you went off, in the garden.

Smithy

That?! That doesn't count, that was rubbish!

I know.

Smithy

I don't wanna marry that!

I don't wanna marry you, I'd have said "no".

Smithy

Yeah, right you would.

Oh! Don't diss me infront of people, I'd have said "no"!

Smithy

Why? I'm a catch!

He is.

I'm gonna miss this.

Gavin

What?

Bryn

Nothing.

Dave, I need you, I need you now.

Pam

Oh my Christ!

Bryn

That's the gas talking, Dave.

No, it's not. Come on. Climb on.

Now's not the time, Ness.