Gavin & Stacey quotes

Bryn

The truth is, I don't want anyone in this room being raped, myself included.

Six quid for two slices of pizza. They takes the piss, these Cockneys.

This is a nightmare of epic proportions.

Gavin

What's wrong with her?

Smithy

A, how old is it? B, have you seen the tattoo? And three, look at the size of it!

Gavin

Been powdering your nose?

Oh thanks Stace, thanks a lot. Look, let's get one thing straight. I dont touch that shit no more, alright? I did and now I don't. So let that be an end to it!

Smithy

And to top it all off, she's a drug addict.

You got any johnnies? I ain't going in there bareback.

Smithy

I'm so ravenous I can barely see.

You wanna Pammy's full English?

Smithy

You read my mind.

Question 30 is, erm... Oh, is, erm... Is erm... Oh! I know the answer. Kriss Akabusi.

Mick

Unbelievable.

Just to say, your Dad's out for the count and I'll put me ear plugs in. So let yourselves go. Don't worry about a thing. Night.

Pete

Stop gawping at them, woman!

Dawn

Oh, excuse me if I've forgotten what romance looks like, you pathetic lump of shit!

Pam

Okay, darling, this isn't gonna hurt a bit...

Stacey

OW!

Stacey

I need your advice, I do.

Go for it.

Stacey

Should I tell Gav about the other engagements? Or should I just leave it? Thing is, things are going so lush and if I tell him I might just wreck everything. And it's not that big a deal is it?

That depends. This reminds me of a very similar situation I was in with my second husband, Clive. I was faced with a dilemma, whether to lie, or not to lie. And I chose to tell the truth.

Stacey

And what happened?

He died. Firing squad. Terrible way to go Stace and I wouldn't like to see it happen to you. Smugglers we were. If it weren't for my relationship with John Prescott I'd still be in that jail right now. So yeah, in answer to your question, I'd say no, don't tell him.

I don't know you from Adam. And he's been barred twice.

Pam

D'you know I have no idea what my name means in Welsh.

Why.

Pam

'Cause I don't speak the lingo darling!

No in Welsh, Pam means why... or brick.

Oh, by the way, this food isn't food food. Oh, God, no. Everyones catered for. Catered for everyone well in advance, no. It's just that this morning, before you arrived, I became a vegetarian. Yeah, veggie, so that's what this is. Out of interest, any one of you vegetarians? I mean, not that it makes any difference to me either way. I mean, we're all adults.

Mick

Pam!

Pam

But, I would ask you to respect my views. And all the little animals who've been needlessly murdered in the name of Western Civilised greed.

Smithy

No, you're alright, take it.

No, you take it.

Smithy

I don't want it. It's fine.

But you like taking it.

Smithy

Right. That's out of order. I've got a girlfriend that this family know so...

Oh, get a life, Smithy.

Mick

Do you drive Nessa?

I don't Mick, which is a shame, cos I loves a good ride.

Oh, give it a rest, you leek-munching sheep-shagger!

Stacey

You are coming to this wedding fair, aren't you?

Bryn

I can't wait. I was so excited last night, I couldn't get to sleep till half-past ten!