Daphne Moon quotes from Frasier

Niles

Well, this is an unexpected treat.

Daphne

Niles, I have something to tell you.

Niles

Is it that I am the sexiest man you've ever known?

Daphne

No. I-I mean, yes, you are. That's not why I'm here.

Daphne

Still awake, Doctor Crane?

Frasier

Yes. It's almost dawn's early light... and our flag is still there.

Niles

Daphne Moon, will you, and your beautiful toes and your exquisite ankles and your precious knees, elbows and arms and fingers, shoulders... [holds up the ring] Will you marry me?

Daphne

Oh, Niles! Of course, I will.

Daphne

Dr. Crane, the man is in a wheelchair.

Frasier

Which means that somewhere, someone is missing a wheelchair!

Frasier

Have you ever heard of anything more... fury-inspiring!

Daphne

I certainly have not. Imagine the cheek of the man, installing an illegal washer-dryer!

Oh, they're not illegal, a lot of the units have them. You guys have a hookup in that hall closet where you keep all those hats...

Frasier

First of all, I had completely forgotten about the hookup. Second of all, I believe the homburg is poised for a comeback!

Frasier

I will not be strong-armed by threats against my laundry!

Daphne

[unperturbed] Suit yourself. I'm off to do a load of your pinks. [exits]

Frasier

I don't have any pinks.

Daphne

[from the kitchen] You will.

Daphne

So that's how it goes: two people meet, they're together for forty years, and then all of a sudden it just ends.

Harry

But it's different for you! I mean, you've found the right person.

Daphne

You barely know him.

Harry

Well, all I know is, I threw him out of my pub six times, and six times he marched back in and yammered me ear off until, until I went back with him to America - all to make YOU happy! I never did anything like that for your mother. No no, I tell you, Daphne, you've got the right one there. A good one, you know? And another thing. [rubs his fingers together] He's worth a bob or two.

Sorry about that. Susie got stuck in the laundry chute again.

Daphne

Aww, poor thing. How old is she?

What's the difference? After tomorrow, she’s not our nanny any more.

Niles

How about Desmond?

Daphne

Hmm. "Desmond Crane, you are hereby sentenced to..." No, I don't like it. What about Jack?

Niles

'Fraid not. The first name ends with the same sound that begins the last name, so you either end up running them together — Jackrane — or you face the dreaded glottal stop. Jack—Crane. Jack—Crane. It's unpleasant for the throat.

Daphne

This conversation’s unpleasant for the throat.

Frasier

I've never seen this place so crowded. What's the occasion?

Daphne

It's Mum's day off. Apparently, there was a mass e-mail.

Frasier

He asked me to take him, but then I suggested that, when it comes to guns, perhaps he would prefer someone of...(pause for effect) Niles's calibre. (chuckles to himself) I'm in rare form today.

Daphne

(smiles, unamused) You should see this place when they know you're not coming.

Niles

Should we really be popping her in front of the tube?

Daphne

It's an educational tape. Did you want to read her more Jung for Youngsters?

Niles

But my slow sperm...

Daphne

I must have fast eggs!

Frasier

I was having the most distressing dream; I was climbing up a volcano, that was spewing ice instead of lava.

Daphne

An ice volcano. I wonder what that could mean.

Hello, it's Lilith.

[with sudden realization] Oh, well.

Niles

Shouldn’t you get the door?

Martin

You’re closer.

Niles

I don’t live here.

Martin

Doesn’t matter. You’re family.

Niles

So’s Daph…

Daphne

[interrupts] Oh no, you don’t!

Lilith

[from outside] Maybe if you slid me a key, I could let myself in.