“Heart of Gold” quotes from Firefly

Inara

Hi.

Mal

BWAH!

Inara

[laughing] Sorry! Didn't mean to startle.

Mal

You didn't! I was just, uh… "BWAH!" That's more like a… It's a warrior like... Strikes fear into the… hearts of… You know, not altogether wise, sneaking up on a fellow when he's handling his weapon.

Inara

I'm sure I've heard that said. But… perhaps the dining area isn't the place for this sort of thing.

Mal

What do ya mean? It's the only place with a table big enough.

Inara

Of course. In that case, every well-bred petty crook knows that the small concealable weapons always go to the far left of the place setting.

Mal

Bwah.

Inara

It sounds like something this crew can handle. I can't guarantee they'll handle it particularly well, but...

Nandi

If they got guns and brains at all.

Inara

They've got guns...

Inara

I suppose you heard most of that?

Mal

Only because I was eavesdropping.

Inara

I'll contact Nandi at once, but you will be paid. I feel it's important that we keep ours... strictly a business arrangement.

Jayne

Don't much see the benefit in getting involved in strangers' troubles without a up-front price negotiated.

Book

These people need assistance. The benefit wouldn't necessarily be for you.

Jayne

That's what I'm sayin'.

Zoe

No one's gonna force you to go, Jayne. As has been stated, this job is strictly speculative.

Jayne

Good! Don't know these folks, don't much care to.

Mal

They're whores.

Jayne

I'm in.

Inara

Nandi, this is Malcolm Reynolds.

Nandi

I appreciate your coming.

Mal

Well, any friend of Inara's is a strictly businesslike relationship of mine.

Mal

I'll introduce you to the rest later. They're good folk.

Jayne

Can I start getting sexed already?

Mal

Well, that one's kinda horrific.

Kaylee

Look, they got boy whores! Isn't that thoughtful? Wonder if they service girlfolk at all.

Simon

Isn't there a pregnant woman I'm to examine?

Wash

[to Kaylee] You'd really lie with someone being paid for it?

Kaylee

Well, it's not like anyone else is lining up to, you know, examine me.

Jayne

Whoop! My John Thomas is about to pop off and fly around the room, there's so much tasty here. Ooh!

Wash

Would be you get your most poetical about your pecker.

Kaylee

Everyone's got somebody. Wash, tell me I'm pretty.

Wash

Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion.

Kaylee

'Cause I'm pretty?

Wash

'Cause you're pretty.

Mal

Inara, think you could stoop to being on my arm?

Inara

Will you wash it first?

Mal

Nothing worse than a monster who thinks he's right with God.

Nandi

Captain Reynolds, it took me years to cut this piece of territory out of other men's hands, to build this business up from nothing.

Mal

Nandi...

Nandi

It's who I am, and it's my home. I'm not going anywhere.

Mal

Well, lady, I must say—you're my kinda stupid.

Wash

Well, I'm not sure now is the best time to bring a tiny little helpless person into our lives.

Zoe

That excuse is gettin' a little worn, honey.

Wash

It's not an excuse, dear! It's objective assessment. I can't help that it stays relevant.

Zoe

I don't give a good gorram about relevant, Wash, or objective. And I ain't so afraid of losing something that I ain't gonna try to have it. [tenderly] You and I would make one beautiful baby. And I want to meet that child one day. Period.

Nandi

Truth is, I expected a whole lot more of you to be takin' payment in our trade.

Mal

Well, we're an odd conglomeration. Got a preacher, a married fellah, and the doctor... well, he'd have to... relax for thirty seconds to get his play. That'd be more or less a miracle.

Inara

How many babies have you actually delivered?

Simon

As the primary? This would be the first. You?

Inara

My first, too.

River

Mine, too.

River

Who do you think is in there?

Mal

Miss Nandi, I have a confession to make.

Nandi

Maybe I should get the Shepherd.

Mal

Well, I ain't sinned yet. And I'd feel a little more'n awkward if he were here when I did.

Nandi

Malcolm, I been waiting for you to kiss me since I showed you my guns.

Nandi

You okay with this?

Mal

I'm just waiting to see if I pass out. Long story.

Earned yourself quite a bag of silver, little kitten. But I got a… few more chores in mind before you get any.

I'm ready.

Now, Chari here, she understands a whore's place, don't she? But Nandi, and those others, they spit on our town! They've no respect for the sanctity of fatherhood, or... decency, or family! They have my child held hostage to their decadent ways, and that I will not abide. We will show them what power is! We will show them what their position in this town is! Let us all remember, right here and now, what a woman is to a man!

[whispering intensely] Get on your knees!

Inara

So you took to bed with Nandi. I'm glad.

Mal

Glad?

Inara

Yes! She's a dear friend, and probably in need of some comfort about now.

Mal

So, you're okay. Well, yeah. Why… why wouldn't you be?

Inara

I wouldn't say I'm entirely okay. I'm a little appalled at her taste.