Mal Reynolds quotes from Firefly

We're gonna die.

Mal

We're not gonna die. We can't die, Bendis. You know why? Because we are so... very... pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die. Huh? Look at that chiseled jaw!

Zoe

Sir, we don't want to deal with Patience again.

Mal

Why not?

Zoe

She shot you.

Mal

Well, yeah, she did a bit.

Mal

Did you send word to Patience?

Wash

Yeah, ain't heard back yet. Didn't she shoot you one time?

Mal

Everyone's makin' a fuss!

Mal

I believe that woman's plannin' to shoot me again.

Jayne

Here's a little concept I've been working on. Why don't we shoot her first?

Wash

It is her turn.

Mal

You will keep a civil tongue in that mouth or I will sew it shut. Is there an understanding between us?

Jayne

You don't pay me to talk pretty. Just because Kaylee gets lubed up over some big-city dandy —

Mal

Walk away from this table, right now.

Simon

What do you pay him for?

Mal

What?

Simon

I was curious... what is his job on this ship?

Mal

... Public relations.

Mal

I got to know how close the Alliance is, exactly how much you told them 'fore Wash scrambled your call. So I've given Jayne here the job of finding out.

Jayne

[draws a huge knife] He was non-specific as to how.

Mal

[to Jayne] Now, you've only got to scare him.

Jayne

Pain is scary.

Jayne

[over radio] Testing. Testing, Cap'n, can you hear me?

Mal

[Standing next to Jayne] I'm standing right here.

Jayne

You're coming through good and loud.

Mal

'Cause I'm standing right here.

Zoe

Don't think it's a good spot sir. She still has the advantage over us.

Mal

Everyone usually does. That's what makes us special.

Mal

But he did try to make a deal with you, right?

Jayne

[guilty look on his face, looking at Mal]

Mal

How come you didn't turn on me, Jayne?

Jayne

[smiling] Money wasn't good enough.

Mal

What happens when it is?

Jayne

Well, that'll be an interesting day.

Mal

I imagine it will.

Simon

I'm trying to put this as delicately as I can... How do I know you won't kill me in my sleep?

Mal

You don't know me, son, so let me explain this to you once: If I ever kill you, you'll be awake, you'll be facing me, and you'll be armed.

Simon

Are you always this sentimental?

Mal

I had a good day.

Simon

You had the Alliance on you... criminals and savages... half the people on the ship have been shot or wounded, including yourself... and you're harboring known fugitives.

Mal

We're still flying.

Simon

That's not much.

Mal

It's enough.

You know, your coat is kinda a brownish color...

Mal

It was on sale. [Calmly sips his drink]

You didn't toast. You know, I'm thinkin' you one of 'em In'e'pen'ents.

Mal

And I'm thinkin' you weren't burdened with an overabundance of schooling. So why don't we just ignore each other until we go away?

The In'e'pen'ents were a bunch of cowardly, inbred piss-pots. Should've been killed off of every world spinnin'.

Mal

[Turns] Say that to my face.

I said you're a coward and a piss-pot. Now what are you gonna do about it?

Mal

[Smiling] Nothing. I just wanted you to face me so she could get behind you.

Mal

Drunks are so cute.

Mal

[To Shepherd Book] Shouldn't you be off bringing religiosity to the fuzzy-wuzzies or some such?

Book

Oh, I've got heathens aplenty right here.

Inara

Physical appearance doesn't matter so terribly. You look for compatibility of spirit. There's an energy about a person that's difficult to hide.You try to feel that —

Mal

[Entering Inara's shuttle] And then you try to feel the energy of their credit account, it has a sort of...aura...

Inara

What did I say to you about barging into my shuttle?

Mal

That it was manly and impulsive?

Inara

Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was, "Don't."

Mal

Well, you're holding my mechanic in thrall. And Kaylee! What the hell is goin' on in the engine room? Were there monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got loose?

Mal

I'm not sure you'd be safe.

Inara

Mal, if you're being a gentleman, I may die of shock.

Mal

Hm. [Bows and leaves, then reenters] Have you got time to do my hair?

Inara

[Sternly] Out.

Mal

Hell, this job I would pull for free.

Zoe

Then can I have your share?

Mal

No!

Zoe

If you die can I have your share?

Mal

Yes.

Mal

Nice shot.

Jayne

[Slurred] I was aimin' for his head.