TV show quotes
(Father Jack's wake has begun. Various priests and nuns are in the living room)
I think it's absolutely great to see. I mean, the level of commitment amongst the African church in bringing the faith to the people is just wonderful! It's marvellous, isn't it?
Sure I wouldn't know, I'm from Donegal.
(One of the older priests at the wake is devastated by Jack's death)
Why him, Ted? Why is it always the good ones? You bastard! [shakes fist to Heaven]
Now, Father!
He could have been pope, Ted! But the feckin' Jesuits, they have it all tied up!
Yes...
Imagine, Ted! A Polish pope! It should have been Jack! But it's not what you know, is it? It's who you know!
Ah, it's sad, but sure look at him there; he looks quite serene.
OH, GOD! NO, NO, NO, NO!! HE'S DEAD, TED! WE'LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN! [continues sobbing]
We'll see him in the next world.
(sarcastically) Oh yeah, sure!
I wouldn't know Ted, you big bollocks!
[astounded] I'm sorry!?
I said I wouldn't know Ted, you big bollocks!
Have you been reading those Roddy Doyle books again, Dougal!?
I have, yeah Ted, you big gobshite!
Father Dougal (on July 19): Would that be the day the Ice Age ended?
It doesn't matter what day it is, Father. There is always time for a nice cup of tea! Sure didn't our Lord himself on the cross pause for a nice cup of tea before giving himself up for the world?
Mrs Doyle (on saying "no"): It's a lovely word Our Lord gave us here on earth for when we don't want any cake!
Father Dougal (on the Magic Road): That's nearly as mad as that thing you told me about the loaves and fishes!
Where am I? What's that (in/thing) there? Are those my feet?
Will I put on the kettle?
Go on then.
...must be one of those ones that clicks off automatically.
Mmm...bit of steam there. Incidentally, did you bring any teabags?
...no.
Kettle's boiled there Ted.
Mmm.
Will I put more water in and turn it on again?
No... I liked it best the first time.
Father Ted is demonstrating some plastic toy cows to Dougal.
...OK, one last time. These are small... but the ones out there are far away. Small... far away... ah forget it!
Do you want to walk over to that fence?
Oh no, best not; I don't want to blow up with excitement
Father Noel Furlong (on Tony Lynch): He wasn't like that last night when he crawled into bed at ten past the eleven!
Father Noel Furlong (on Ted and Dougal's strong bladders): Ye're like a bunch of camels!
Father Noel Furlong (on Ted): Who's a bit of a moaning Michael tonight!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Father Ted pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
