Richard Wilson quotes from Father Ted

Richard Wilson

I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

Father Ted

You know what he'd love? He'd really love it if someone came up to him and said his catchphrase.

Father Dougal

Oh, yeah, Ted! He'd love that! You should definitely do that.

Father Ted

Should I?

Father Dougal

Oh, yeah. I'd say no-one ever does that to him. He'll think you're hilarious. You know, this is one of those times where I'm absolutely, one hundred million percent sure that you'll be doing the right thing. I can safely say that you definitely, definitely won't regret doing that.

Father Ted

Okay, I'm going to do it. Will I?

Father Dougal

Yeah, go on!

Father Ted

Okay, hold the camera.

Father Ted

(yells loudly) I don't believe it!

Richard Wilson

I'll bloody well kill you!

Father Dougal

Well? What did he say? Did he laugh?

Father Ted

No. No, no, no. Not really. I'm going to sit down now.

Now, this rock here is actually granite.

Father Ted

How long would that have been there?

Oh, many, many millions of years.

Father Ted

Really, as long as that? That is fascinating.

Father Dougal

How come all the rocks are different sizes?

Well... you know, rocks are generally different sizes.

Father Dougal

Wow! I'm finding out all kinds of things I never knew about rocks.

Of course, at this time, this whole area would have been submerged underwater.

Father Dougal

How did everyone breathe?

Father Ted

They'd have had some sort of apparatus.

Father Dougal

Oh, right. Wow, look at that rock over there!

This is actually the oldest part of our tour. This particular cave was formed more than fifteen million years ago.

Father Ted

Really? Wow, I don't believe it.

Richard Wilson

You again! [attacks Ted] Get out of it, I don't want to see you again! BASTARD!