Dodd Gerhardt quotes from Fargo

Dodd Gerhardt

[to Simone] You think you're grown, is that it? What? With your clothes and your hair and no bra? Like you know somethin' about the world? Being grown's got a price. Kid gets slapped when he's bad. When you're grown, you get the fist. Or the knife.

[to Simone] A whore's life is five good years, five bad years, and then some half-dick sweat stain grinds you out like a cigarette. Like a goddamn spent cigarette.

Dodd Gerhardt

[to Ed] Son, you got yourself a woman problem. How I know is they've been plaguing me my whole life. What's the joke? Can't live with them, can't turn them into cat food. Personally, I don't see the value in all that talking and the mood swings and the lack of rational thinking, which, brother, your bitch has got that in spades. See, the male of the species has got the potential for greatness. Look at your kings of old. Napoleon, Kublai Khan, Samson. Giants made of muscle and steel. But these women, even in those Bible movies, you see a Delilah and, uh, Scheherazade. I want to tell you my own private belief here. I think Satan is a woman. Think about it.

Dodd Gerhardt

You wear short pants till you prove you're a man.

I'm a man.

Dodd Gerhardt

You're the comic in a piece of bubble gum!

Well, I mean, says you.

Dodd Gerhardt

You got till tomorrow to bring the collection money you owe.

Or what?

Dodd Gerhardt

You make me wait for you again, I'll cleave your skull.

Dodd Gerhardt

Fought in the trenches in France - World War I. He was an artillerieschuetzen, my granddad, a gunner. Blasted mustard gas at the Allies. Had them dancing like poisoned rats. Brits caught him in a raid, hung him by his thumbs for six days straight. So this, what we're doing, this is nothing. [beat] Are you listening to me? Is he listening to me?

Hanzee Dent

Cut off his ears.

Dodd Gerhardt

Wake him up.

Hanzee Dent

He's dead, I think.

Dodd Gerhardt

Weak.

Floyd Gerhardt

Maude Schmidt's boy here is trying to tell me your brother killed a judge.

Dodd Gerhardt

Nobody killed a judge. We own all the judges. What'd be the point of killing one?

Now, Dodd...

Dodd Gerhardt

Don't you "Dodd" me. We're not friends.

We found Rye's prints on the gun.

Dodd Gerhardt

You're gonna find my boot on your neck, you keep talking like that.

Lou Solverson

Well, now, to be fair - I'm the one who found the gun, so I think you're dancing with the wrong girl.

Dodd Gerhardt

What'd you say?

Lou Solverson

I says, I'm the one who found the gun, so you should be talking to me. And I'm from out of town, so forgive me if I should be terrified, but in Minnesota, when a police officer says talk, you talk.

Dodd Gerhardt

You want to dance? Let's dance.

Floyd Gerhardt

Maybe, when you look at me, you see an old woman, and I am 61. I've borne six children, had three miscarriages. Two of my sons are here today. Two were stillborn. My firstborn, Elron, killed in Korea - gook sniper took off half his head. The point is don't assume, just because I'm an old woman, that my back is weak and my stomach's not strong. I make this counter because a deal is always better than war. But no mistake - we'll fight to keep what's ours to the last man.

Joe Bulo

You're a good woman. I wish I'd known your husband.

Floyd Gerhardt

No. My husband would've killed you where you stood the first time you met. So be glad you're talking to his wife.

Joe Bulo

And that's what I'm glad for. And if it were up to me, I would take your counter. Partner up. Except...I gotta admit, I-I just wonder, if we make this deal--split the territory, we move in, can you guarantee your boys will abide?

Floyd Gerhardt

My sons listen to their mother.

Joe Bulo

Good! Okay. Except...[gestures to his bodyguards standing behind him] here are two of my men, assaulted just this morning in the appropriation of doughnuts, by your oldest. Attacked in peacetime, during the period of deliberation, without provocation.

Dodd Gerhardt

Oh, I was provoked.

Floyd Gerhardt

[shushes Dodd] My sons will abide.

Joe Bulo

Ah, see-see, that-that's the problem with a family business. Now, if one of my men defies me, puts a deal in jeopardy, I take his arm. If he talks out of turn, I take his tongue. But you, your children, your grandchildren...what are you willing to do to show us you're committed?

Floyd Gerhardt

I'll deal with my son. This partnership will--

Dodd Gerhardt

[interrupting, rising from his chair] Come on, you gonna let this guy come here and disrespect us, disrespect Pop?

Floyd Gerhardt

Be quiet!

Dodd Gerhardt

Buncha fruits in ties, and your pocket protectors!

Floyd Gerhardt

[turning to Bear Gerhardt] Take him out!

Dodd Gerhardt

I'll pick my teeth with you!

Floyd Gerhardt

Take him out!

Dodd Gerhardt

My frickin' teeth with you!

Dodd Gerhardt

[offscreen] My teeth! Get off me!

Floyd Gerhardt

...I apologize.

Joe Bulo

He's a proud man. His father built an empire, and he just wants what's his.

Floyd Gerhardt

He'll fall into line.

Joe Bulo

[shaking his head] No. I don't think he will.

Dodd Gerhardt

You actually like it, huh, taking orders from a woman? Was that how it was in the bedroom with Kathy?

Bear Gerhardt

Don't you talk about her.

Dodd Gerhardt

She strap one on, bend you over the bed, and show you who's boss?

Bear Gerhardt

There's gonna be a reckoning one day, brother. All souls are called to account for their actions. In the end, we all get what we deserve.

Dodd Gerhardt

You keep telling yourself that.

Dodd Gerhardt

And here I am, tied up for no reason, a concerned citizen just walking past, and I - and I hear a cry for help.

Ed Blumquist

No, you're a Gerhardt.

Dodd Gerhardt

And you're shit on my shoe. Why don't you come here and let me wipe you off?