Nikki Swango quotes from Fargo

Nikki Swango

So, even if they wanted to solve it, the police, what possible solve is there, besides unfathomable pinheadery?

Nikki Swango

You have made me the happiest woman ever. Now let's make a sex tape.

Nikki Swango

You're the hand and I'm the glove.

You're the bottle and I'm the beer.

Nikki Swango

Or the beer and the glass in my case.

Oh yeah, but I mean it comes in--

Nikki Swango

No, I know. Yeah. Simpatico.

Nikki Swango

Ray, there's a man in my bathroom.

Let's not jump to any conclusions.

Nikki Swango

Are you saying he's not a man or he's not in my bathroom?

Nikki Swango

I'm sorry. Who are you?

[says something in Russian]

Nikki Swango

What?

He said, "Pretty girls should only open their mouths when they see a dick."

Nikki Swango

Well, just so I'm clear, which one of you is the dick?

Moe Dammick

[shows Nikki a picture of Ray's corpse] He’s dead, in case you couldn't tell. Lady cop who printed you said you're a little tender. Around the middle, maybe? Got some bruises. See, I'm a simple guy. When it snows, I put on boots. Sun comes out, I wear shades. I see a girl like you and a guy like that, I think, "Now, how’s a working man with hillbilly hair and a beer belly land Miss State Penitentiary 2010?" And then I get the record. I see the girl has got 18 months’ probation, and the guy with his head half cut off was the schlub who signed the forms. Now it starts to make sense. I mean, stop me if I get it wrong, if this wasn't some kind of tit-for-tat handjob-gets-you-work-release program. If it was, whatever. Love story of the century. No? That’s what I thought. See? Simple things. Cause and effect, crime and punishment. Mash a potato, you know what you get? Mashed potatoes.

Nikki Swango

I want a lawyer.

Moe Dammick

Yeah? Well, that’s a mistake. Think it through. The evidence, shared domicile, you, a known felon, spinning a web of lies. History of domestic violence with a beer-drinking loser. You don’t have to be a mathematician to add two plus two. No. Your best bet? Tearjerker. What a monster he was. How he beat you every night where it wouldn’t show.

Moe Dammick

[sighs] Okay. We’re done. I’ll leave the picture, in case you're the type of girl who likes to take pride in her work.

Shartis.

Nikki Swango

Huh?

"Job sat on his dung heap, covered in boils..."

Nikki Swango

Mister, it's been a long day...

They're all long. That's the nature of existence. Life is suffering. I think you're beginning to understand that.

Nikki Swango

Amen.

Can I show you something?

Nikki Swango

Aww!

Ray is the cat.

Nikki Swango

What?

His name. I call him Ray. I know, that's not really a cat's name, but when I looked at him, that's the name that stuck. But this is how it is, I think.

You can't win this game, you do realize that?

Nikki Swango

I thought you didn't play games.

I'm offering you a fortune, you're asking for a piggy bank. Porquoi?

Nikki Swango

Because I wanna hurt you, not be your pet. I wanna look you in the face and rip out something you love.

I didn't kill him. You do know that? It was Emmit.

Nikki Swango

Wasn't Emmit who came for me in the precinct. Wasn't Emmit who flipped that bus.

You know, I didn't have any feeling about you before, but now I'm starting to really dislike you.

Nikki Swango

Good. [gets up to leave] I'll give you 'til tomorrow to get my money.

Nikki Swango

Are you as low as you can go?

What?

Nikki Swango

I asked you if you still feel you've got room to fall, or whether this is bottom.

Honestly? If you'd asked me yesterday, I'd have said I couldn't go lower - sitting in jail, staring at a life behind bars or the electric chair. But now, here we are today, lower still.

Nikki Swango

Oh, I've been watching. This Varga fella plucked you like a chicken. But he's gone now, so I'm gonna finish the job.