V.M. Varga quotes from Fargo

The First World War was started by a sandwich. On June 28th, 1914, Gavrilo Princip, one of seven conspirators, failed to blow up the Archduke of Austria with a hand grenade. Demoralized, Gavrilo stopped for lunch at Schiller's delicatessen on Franz Joseph Street in Sarajevo. But as he was eating, the Archduke's driver, lost, pulled up outside the restaurant and stopped. Fate had delivered Gavrilo's target to him, and he would not miss twice.

The problem is not that there is evil in the world. The problem is that there is good. Because otherwise, who would care?

In the favelas of Brazil, there are six-year-olds with Glocks. They roam in packs, stealing whatever they can find. Mexican lowlifes stream into this country like wolves, eyeing our women and children. In the Congo, a family of six live on ten cents a day. You turn on the TV, what do you see? Boat people. Mass migration. You're living in the age of the refugee, my friend.

Look, if you won't take back your money, well, I can't make ya!

You see it, don't you? Millions of people bought houses they couldn't afford, and now they're living on the streets. Eighty-five percent of the world's wealth is controlled by one percent of the population. What do you think is going to happen when those people wake up and realize you've got all their money?

Hey, I just charge for parkin'!

You think they're going to ask questions when they come with their pitchforks and their torches? You live in a mansion. You drive a $90,000 car.

It's a lease, through the company!

Look at me. Look at me. This a $200 suit. I'm wearing a second-hand tie. I fly coach. Not because I can't afford first - because I'm smart. So look at you, and look at me, and tell me who's the richer?

Well, I-I feel like this a trick question.

There's an accounting coming, Mr. Stussy. And you know I'm right. Mongol hordes descending, and what are you doing to insulate yourself and your family? You think you're rich? You've no idea what rich means. Rich is a fleet of private planes filled with decoys to mask your scent. It's a bunker in Wyoming and another in Gstaad. So that's action item one: the accumulation of wealth. And I mean wealth, not money.

What's action item number two?

To use that wealth to become invisible.

Sy Feltz

What the goddamn hell--!

[holding up a framed photo of Sy's wife] You have a fat wife.

Sy Feltz

Excuse me?

Which part of what I just said is giving you trouble?

Sy Feltz

This is my office!

A fat woman is inherently untrustworthy as she is a sensualist; she sees no real difference between a pastrami sandwich and a dick in the mouth.

Sy Feltz

What are you doing?

Do you know what a chicken is?

Sy Feltz

What?

A chicken. Do you know what a chicken is? A chicken is an egg's way of making another egg.

You see, it's all a matter of perspective. The chicken sees it one way, the egg another. So let's start again: this is not your office, just as your wife would not be your wife if I came to her in the night with a platter of cold cuts.

[patting Sy on the back and leading him to a chair] Oh, sit down, my friend. You have shock. All is well.

Sy Feltz

I'm not--I just--I need a minute to--

No problem, no problem.

Have a drink, you'll feel better.

Sy Feltz

[shocked] Are you out of your mind?!

Nice drink. Refreshing.

Sy Feltz

...are you threatening me?

No, no no no. The whole thing.

Sy Feltz

You're talking about doubling the size of the company in six months!

Three months.

Sy Feltz

It's a lot of debt! Just to line our pockets? Shouldn't we... I'm just sayin'... the more cautious approach. Why not?

Because the shallow end of the pool is where the turds float. Emmit?

No one ever got anywhere stayin' home, Sy.

Sy Feltz

And what does that mean?

It means we're either doin' this, or we're not doin' this. Whether you step off the board with one foot or two, you still end up in the water.

Sy Feltz

Okay. But what about the IRS? You said yourself, he's sittin' in a conference room, right now, goin' over the books!

Some books. Not the books.

Sy Feltz

What the heck does that mean?

Let's just say, for testimonial purposes, it's better that you don't know.

Sy Feltz

You think the IRS won't - this is what they do! Tax cheats!

Middle managers and movie stars. People who park their money in a Denver Wells Fargo under their mother-in-law's maiden name. But I assure you, the IRS could not unravel an intricate web of shell companies and loan-outs with secret accounts in Monaco, Luxembourg, and the Cook Islands if you gave them the account numbers.

Sy Feltz

What?

I'm beginning to think that finance is more of a hobby with you.

Mr. Stussy. Do you know what Lenin said about Beethoven's Piano Sonata Number 23? Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov, not the bloody walrus. He said, "I know nothing that is greater than the Appassionata, but I cannot listen too often. It affects one's nerves, and makes one want to say kind, stupid things, and stroke the heads of those who, living in such a foul hell, can create such beauty. Better to beat the person unmercifully over the head." Where are you, Mr. Stussy?

There's been an accident.

Things of consequence rarely happen by accident.

Can you come?

Give me the address and I'll leave immediately.

I'm at Ray's.

Did anyone see you?

I'm so rarely seen, maybe I don't even exist.

What's he doing here?

You called for help. This is what help looks like.

I wanted to find his pulse, but I was afraid.

Afraid you'd leave fingerprints? Where else might we find your fingerprints?

Uh, I came in that door.

So the knob, inside and out.

And, uh, that frame, the glass.

Bury the body, missing person?

[walks over and picks up a picture frame] No. Collect the frame and the stamp, and leave the glass. [to Emmit] Is there someplace you're supposed to be right now? [taps Emmit's forehead] Is there someplace you're supposed to be right now?

What time is it? [Varga shows Emmit his watch] A meeting, a dinner.

Which is it, a meeting or a dinner?

Uh, dinner.

With whom?

Sy.

Which restaurant?

Uh, it's in my phone.

Never mind, never mind. Listen, this is important. If the restaurant has a back door, go to the bathroom and wash your face and hands in very cold water, then go the table. That way, if any witnesses see you, they won't be able to time your arrival. Do you understand?

Yeah, but–

Emmit! Look at me. Are you listening?

Yeah.

Your brother...was killed, by his ex-convict girlfriend. He'd been abusing her, you see? Beating her in places that don't show. And tonight she'd had enough, so she cut his throat. And watched him bleed. Now, the police will contact you tonight to inform you of his death. Be upset, not too upset. Volunteer nothing, you haven't seen him for days, you haven't spoken to him–

I called him on his cell.

When?

Yesterday.

Right. Well, there'll be a record of that. Did you speak for long?

Just a few minutes.

All right. Well, it's just a quick call, just to catch up, innit? Be vague.

I didn't mean to.

No one ever does. [to Meemo] Walk him to his car, out in the back. Make sure you're not seen.

Emmit. Emmit, are you listening?

Yes.

You won.

I won? What did I win?

Life.

I want you to picture an island, a tropical island. Somewhere warm. The South Pacific, perhaps. Can you see it? Now, I want you to imagine that on this island, one day in September 1945, a load of paper fell from the sky. Leaflets dropped in their hundreds by the Allied forces to tell the Japanese soldiers stationed there that the war was over. The Emperor has surrendered. But down below, one man refused to believe. Lieutenant Hiroo Onoda. A man of honor, values. And as the rest of the world went about its business - 1946, '47, '50, '64, '71 - as peace was made and a Cold War fought, Hiroo Onoda battled on. A tireless soldier of the Emperor's Imperial Army, and the last man to die for an ideal.

[tearfully, about Ray] He was just a boy. He used to follow me around after school - "Emmit, play with me. Emmit, watch this."

Is the Bible a children's book? What we're doing here, the sober affairs of men. These are feats of great strength and cunning and fortitude. Not child's play, not "the best you can do". Nobody remembers the second man to climb Mt. Everest. That's it. Sleep now. Everything will be clearer in the morning.

You can't win this game, you do realize that?

Nikki Swango

I thought you didn't play games.

I'm offering you a fortune, you're asking for a piggy bank. Porquoi?

Nikki Swango

Because I wanna hurt you, not be your pet. I wanna look you in the face and rip out something you love.

I didn't kill him. You do know that? It was Emmit.

Nikki Swango

Wasn't Emmit who came for me in the precinct. Wasn't Emmit who flipped that bus.

You know, I didn't have any feeling about you before, but now I'm starting to really dislike you.

Nikki Swango

Good. [gets up to leave] I'll give you 'til tomorrow to get my money.

Well, you should be happy, Mr. Stussy. Your first action item is complete: the accumulation of wealth.

I'm just so tired.

Perfectly natural. You see it all the time in the wild - the smaller animal going limp in the jaws of the larger. Genetic instinct. At some level, food knows it's food.