Ed Blumquist quotes from Fargo

Ed Blumquist

[to Peggy about Dodd] Hon, you got to stop stabbing him.

Ed Blumquist

You sure about this plan?

Peggy Blumquist

It'll work. Like I said, my uncle used to drive his truck and drink Old Milwaukee. And, you know, insurance don't want to pay for accidents when you're drunk, so he came up with this plan. Every crack-up, he'd drive his truck to some deserted spot till he sobered up, fake a new accident to cover the damage he did drinking.

Ed Blumquist

Well, it's creative.

Peggy Blumquist

So, that's what we do. We cover the damage, file a report, and then, I mean, that should do it. We got rid of the - I mean, the guy's all ground up, and you burned his clothes, you said, so, once the car's fixed, it's - We're free. You been a real paladin.

Ed Blumquist

A... what's that?

Peggy Blumquist

It's like a knight. My knight.

Lou Solverson

You didn't fight, did you, Ed - in the war?

Ed Blumquist

No, sir. 4-F on account I got the one kidney.

Lou Solverson

So... There's a look a boy gets when he's been shot or a - or a land mine takes off his legs, and he's laying there in the mud, trying to get up, 'cause he doesn't feel it yet.

Ed Blumquist

I, uh, don't...

Lou Solverson

His - his brain hasn't caught up with the reality, which is... he's already dead.

Peggy Blumquist

Ed, he's scaring me.

Lou Solverson

But we see it, the rest of us. And we lie. We say, "Lay still. You're gonna be fine." If you'd been to war, you'd know the look. See, you and Peggy, you got the look.

Personally not sure why you're makin' all this effort.

Ed Blumquist

Gonna buy the shop, be my own boss.

And?

Ed Blumquist

And what? That's the American dream.

What's the point? Just gonna die, anyway.

Ed Blumquist

What do you mean?

Camus says knowing we're all gonna die makes life a joke.

Ed Blumquist

So what, you just - you just give up?

You could kill yourself, get it over with.

Okay, that - that's not... I-I mean, come on, you gotta - you gotta try.

No.

You go to school, you get a job, you start a family.

Die.

That's - Would you please stop saying that? I'm gonna live a long, long life. My - my grandpa was 96.

At which point he did what?

Ed Blumquist

This is all just so crazy. And I can't stop thinking about that book. Noreen's book. It's, like, stuck in my head.

Lou Solverson

What? What book?

Ed Blumquist

It's about this guy who, every day, he - he pushes this rock up this hill. Like a boulder. And then every night, it just rolls back down. But he doesn't stop. You know, he just - he keeps goin'. And - and he wakes up every day and starts pushin'. By which I-I-I guess I'm - I'm sayin' it doesn't matter what they throw at me. I'm gonna take care of what's mine.

Dodd Gerhardt

And here I am, tied up for no reason, a concerned citizen just walking past, and I - and I hear a cry for help.

Ed Blumquist

No, you're a Gerhardt.

Dodd Gerhardt

And you're shit on my shoe. Why don't you come here and let me wipe you off?

Mike Milligan

Hello?

Ed Blumquist

Mike Milligan?

Mike Milligan

Yes.

Ed Blumquist

Today's your lucky day, Mike. I've got Dodd Gerhardt in the trunk of my car. You want him?

Mike Milligan

Sir, if I kiss you when we meet, would that be inappropriate?

Ed Blumquist

What? I don't--um--

Mike Milligan

Nothin'. Just...well, it's been a day. But the fact is, I do. I do want him. The question is, what do you want?

Ed Blumquist

Well, I got the whole Gerhardt family after me, and I need you to make 'em stop.

Mike Milligan

Well, then I think you and I can make a deal.

Ed Blumquist

Yeah, and no funny business, either, ya hear? Because, I've killed people before, and I'm not afraid to do it again. Maybe you heard of me - the Butcher of Luverne.

Mike Milligan

I have heard of you. And may I say: brother, I like your style.