TV QuotesDatabase
S3 E2

F Is for Family · Season 3, Episode 2

Frank Murphy, Kevin Murphy and others in “Paul Lynde to Block”

Frank Murphy

[to Sue] Oh honey, what do you need? Anything, you name it.

Kevin Murphy

You can turn on the air conditioner.

Frank Murphy

It's not hot enough for it yet.

Kevin Murphy': [annoyed] What does this family have against comfort?!

Frank Murphy

Electricity costs money, Kevin. Do the math.

Bill Murphy

[smug] He can't. He failed math.

Frank Murphy

[shocked] What?

Sue Murphy

[shocked] You failed math?

Kevin Murphy

[to Bill] You are dead.

Bill Murphy

[still smug] And you are dumb. He has to go to summer school.

Frank Murphy

[shocked] Summer school?! [upset] We're supposed to go to the lake next month! YOU'D JUST FUCKED UP THE WHOLE SUMMER, KEVIN!!!

Maureen Murphy

Daddy, I got all A's.

Frank Murphy

[to Maureen, calmly] Oh Princess, I'm yelling at Kevin right now. [to Kevin, angry] WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Sue Murphy

Frank, stop yelling.

Frank Murphy

[angry] That is it! No more guitar! YOU'RE GONNA HAVE YOUR NOSE IN A BOOK THIS WHOLE SUMMER YOUNG MAN, IF I HAVE TO GLUE TO IT YOUR GODDAMN FACE, YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! AM I SPEAKING PLAIN ENGLISH, OR DID YOU FUCKING FLUNK THAT TOO?!

Kevin Murphy

[talking back] I GOT A D-PLUS IN ENGLISH!!

Frank Murphy

[sarcastically] OHHH, A D-PLUS! WELL, LET'S HAVE A FUCKING PARADE!!!

Sue Murphy

[silently pissed off] Frank, you are not helping.

Frank Murphy

[continues] HEY, STRIKE UP THE BAND!! [mimics drumming sound and starts walking like a musician] THREE CHEERS FOR MY D-MINUS SON!!!

Kevin Murphy

D-PLUS!!!

Sue Murphy

[outraged] FOR GOD'S SAKE, WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP!?!?!? [Frank slows his walking. Calming] It is hot. There is a creature inside me, and it is using my bladder as a speed bag. But do YOU, see ME...[angry as she picks up her plate and smashes it on the floor]...RANTING AND RAVING, LIKE A LUNATIC??? [Does the same with the bowl on the table]

[Everyone stares at her, shocked]

Frank Murphy

Why don't I turn on the air conditioning? There you go, honey! Sweet relief!

[The A/C machine sputters as bugs and smoke come out of it, then it falls to the ground outside]

Frank Murphy

AH, SHIT! [Half of a dead toad slaps him in the face]

Vic

[From far away] DON'T LICK THAT TOAD, FRANK!

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