Even while wearing a diaper, Greg could still run like the wind. The smelly wind.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I had a dream. Every time I see Shirley Chisholm, I think, "Wow, hey, that could've been me." Yeah, I could've done a lot of things. I could've won a Pulitzer Prize.
NNarrator (CR)
If she only learned to Pulitzer.
I could've been a Poet Laureate.
NNarrator(CR)
That don't rhyme!
You know what? I even could've won a Cy Young Award.
If she could only throw a knuckleball.
But instead I decided to raise your family.
Look, Chris, I don't know what you're gonna do with your life. You may go to college, you may not. But know whatever you do, you're gonna be good at it. 'Cause I'll have no grown man sleepin' at my house.
I settled on being an astronaut. I'm... I'm wearing a diaper.
A diaper? You mean, you wanna fly a rocket, but you're still gonna pee in your pants?
Well, they don't make you do it, but I wanted to see if I could take it.
Nobody could take it, Greg. Now, get the funk outta my office.
My father loved thrift stores because you could trade in your old clothes for some new old clothes.
Look, I can't afford to buy all-new school clothes.
I guess that's one more thing you can't stand about your miserable life. My kids are not wearin' these, so you either get new clothes or new kids.
He's tryin' to figure out which one is cheaper.
[as Greg is about to go into his office wearing a dirty diaper] Nope, nope, nope. Get outta here, Funky Brewster.
Can you help me?
Well, unless they hire Big Bird, I'm gonna have to.
You can learn anywhere, Chris. You can learn by reading a fortune cookie. If you get hit by a truck, you learn not to walk out into traffic. If you smack Mike Tyson, you learn that you are gonna get your ass whupped.
[as Yao fights Caruso] As far as I was concerned, this was better than Enter the Dragon.
Caruso looked about as happy as Bobby Brown at a health food store.
Clark Kent's got nothing on [my dad].
Call me Stymie, Rochester, Tootsie Roll, Inkwell. Come on, man!
What are you doing?
Prompting an angry call from Bill Cosby.
YYao
I'm failing math. I've got work to do. I don't have time for this.
Wait, you're not good at math?
YYao
What? Just because I'm Asian, I have to be good at math? You're black, can you moonwalk?
I didn't mean it like that. And no, I can't moonwalk.
YYao
So, I can't use chopsticks.
I don't like watermelon.
YYao
I can't make a swan out of paper.
I don't have sickle cell anemia.
YYao
I don't run a dry cleaners.
I bet you like rice!
YYao
Either I pass my math class or it's your ass.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Everybody Hates Chris pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.