That was a bigger fire hazard than pyrotechnics at a Great White concert.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
It was the beast of times. It was the roast of times.
I mean, my God, boy, did you eat a bowl of lead paint for breakfast? Go on and sit down and let one of these other illiterates take a crack at it.
Because I was planning on cutting school, I was acting guiltier than Michael Richards at an NAACP convention.
I was up all night packing for everything you might need. I've got peanut butter sandwiches in case we get hungry, I've got some wet naps in case we get sticky from the peanut butter sandwiches, I brought a compass in case we get lost, some extra water, Rolaids, aspirin, a travelling toothbrush...
Greg, we're going to the movies, not Gilligan's Island.
If we did, Greg would've gotten with Mrs. Howell.
My biggest worry at this time was that the cops would think I was chasin' Greg.
While we were cutting class, Greg was sweatin' like Lil' Kim in Sunday school.
[Chris tells the ticket salesman it is a black holiday at his school, and thus they are not at school]
TSTicket Seller
What are you doing here?
I'm an octoroon.
In that case, only one-eighth of him should be off from school.
[to a bunch of girls who are wearing hoop earrings] What are y'all laughin' at with your hoop earrings on? Let's see if your mother's gigglin' when you bringin' home babies. Who's laughin' now, huh? It ain't funny no more, is it?
DCDMV Clerk
I guess you're just gonna have to wait. And don't bang on this door again.
She's lucky he didn't bang on her head!
DCDMV Clerk
The speed limit in a school zone is 25, not 50.
Not if he's late.
Back at the DMV, my father was DOA.
A new license costs $17.50, and I'm not givin' them people my money till I have to.
My father waited until the last possible moment to pay for everything... and I mean everything.
WMWhite Meter Maid
Your meter's only got a minute left.
When that quarter runs out, I'll put in this one.
Baby, you almost outta gas.
When that gas runs out, I'll put in some new gas.
[Rochelle is giving birth]
WDWhite Doctor
Push! Push!
Julius, would you just pay the man, please?!
WDWhite Doctor
Push!
When the baby's all the way out, I'll give him all the money.
Boy, don't you know you are too big for a coloring book? White kids your age are buildin' sculptures by now and you over there tryin' to stay inside the lines. Come on, Picasso, get to chippin'. Come on, chip on. Chip, chip, chip. Chip, chip, chip.
In 1985, crime was on the rise everywhere, and when I say everywhere, I mean everywhere.
You been hidin' a credit card, what else are you hidin'? Is Julius really your name? Oh, maybe you're the Green River Killer? Do you know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried? Who shot Kennedy? For all I know, you could be Batman!
I am not Batman.
[Julius is then seen dressed as Batman]
I'm Batman.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Everybody Hates Chris pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.